Letter From the Newsletter Editor - Giving Away Joy is Always Enough

Does all-or-nothing thinking have you feeling stuck?

A couple of years ago, I decided I wanted to bake a pie for Thanksgiving. I’m a big fan of the Great British Bake Off and have been dabbling in creating my own ‘signature’ bakes for a long time. I’d never baked a pie, and the holiday seemed like a perfect excuse to try.

I ran into a challenge right away. Making every ingredient from scratch can be a time-consuming process and always runs the risk of having an inedible final product. Considering this was a pie to be shared, I decided that cooking up my own filling and designing the top was plenty of novelty.

When I later found myself in the grocery store picking up ingredients, I paused and looked at the case of pre-rolled pie crusts and frozen pie bottoms. Part of me felt guilty as I put them in my basket.?

“This pie won’t be completely homemade. This is cheating.”

Those words rang loudly in my ears. The critic in my head found a good problem to latch onto and was gaining traction.

When I thought about why I wanted to bake a pie, it wasn’t to curate the perfect crust recipe. I was excited to decorate it and share it with my friends and family. I pulled out a trick to stop the negative wave of thoughts. Tapping into my senses, I pulled myself back into the present moment by identifying 5 things I could see and took 3 deep breaths. I was stuck in an all-or-nothing pattern. Either everything was homemade or nothing was good enough. This is a classic distortion that so many of us get caught by.

I went home and baked the pie. I used the tried-and-true Pillsbury crusts and spent most of my time designing a Poinsettia top. My friends and family loved it and I felt proud of my contribution to the holiday meal.

How many times do we get in our own way like this??

Have you ever started to learn something new and got overwhelmed by how much you didn’t know? Have you ever felt guilty for not creating something ‘from scratch'??

This challenge isn’t unique to pies in my world. I often find myself feeling guilty for what I don’t know, don’t have time to do, or for feeling excited about one small part of a bigger picture.

That’s the thing, though. So many of us have one small part we get excited about, and the part we enjoy may not be the same as those around us.

When I recently led a meeting on creating new resources for practice managers, ideas started to flow from every member of the team on what that could look like. I wrote down their ideas and suddenly thought, “Oh no, I really don’t want to do that, but I really do want to do that part.” In the past, I would have felt guilty for asking for help. I would have done all of the work, taking it all on my shoulders. In that meeting, I realized I was stuck in all-or-nothing thinking. I had to do all of the work, or everyone would feel like I let them down. Realizing this was likely untrue, I asked for help. The team leaped into action. Now, these resources will be created by all of us and everyone is excited to contribute.?

Since the first year of pie baking, I’ve kept up the tradition. Last year, I took the time to learn how to make my own crust. The recipe is one of my favorites and when I have time to use it, I absolutely do. I didn’t have to learn it all at once. The pieces I needed came over time, and the fun never wore off.

You don’t have to feel guilty for any of these things.

Choose to focus your creativity where it brings you joy.

Choose to ask for help when you need it.

Choose to use tried and tested methods with your own flair.

If you feel inspired, you’re going to make something you’re proud of. Run with that. Remember what it is that’s inspiring you and focus your energy there. Let others support you on the way. Who knows, they might end up sharing their Grandma’s secret pie crust recipe with you one day. Then your ‘signature’ pie will be the talk of Thanksgiving for years to come.

Trust that what you need will come along the way.

Best always,

Tyler