A letter from me to you
I’ve been sitting early this morning outside, looking at the desert just feet across from me in our new home. I was pondering a question that I’ve reflected on for many years. “Why is it so difficult for people and nations to communicate?”
My answer after all these years of clinical practice and living is that past experiences that we perceive as traumatic, whether they are truly traumatic or not, tend to resurface when personal stress and pressure exert themselves into an individual’s personal life. These are what I refer to as unresolved Perceived Traumatic Events (PTEs).?
Of course, we all experience pressure and stress daily; however, when those emotions reach a point for understanding, avenue logic fails to offer a clear path to knowledge and insight. That is when the unresolved issues from the past, such as a difficult breakup, a traumatic event, or a significant loss, manifest themselves here and now. When this takes place, those unresolved PTEs recur, blocking clarity and insight and replacing them with the conclusions that we reach when we fail to address those issues we stored in our unconscious thoughts and memories.?
This is a classic and standard process for all people. It is not a reflection or determinant of the intelligence, insight, education, or any common denominators we use to judge performance and people.
Everybody has personal demons that hunt their referee. It is not a predictor of psychopathology or any other mental disorder. It is simply a statement of the impact of time, places, and experiences we have had as people living in a complex and challenging world. Forgiveness, insight, and an understanding of oneself are the ultimate answers to balance, growth, and personal stability.
So many people, just like you, grapple with this. It's a part of our shared human experience, and it's okay. We're all normal in our everyday functions because we're always seeking answers to complex questions that confront us in our daily lives.
Can it really be as simple as all that? The answer is a resounding yes. We often tend to overcomplicate things. But sometimes, not always, the most straightforward answer is the best answer to those questions that dominate much of our thinking, reflection, and concern as we go through life and its challenges.
This does not, however, mean that simplicity is the answer to complex issues. It is, however, a suggestion that before you go dashing off to your local psychotherapist, analyst, or church, you look for the simple answer to the complex question that troubles you or challenges you at the moment.?
The ability to do that is finding a perspective on life’s challenges and daily issues. So, when somebody says, "Please keep it simple stupid, and don’t make things so complicated for yourself!", that’s probably not bad advice.
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Take it from a guy who spent more than a century hearing the laments of others who sought complex and penetrating answers to some of life’s issues that could have had a simple common sense answer.
Remember, you have the ability to navigate life's challenges. Sometimes, the most straightforward and obvious answer is the challenges we all face as people. In my experience, this is the best. Look and really see what the issue is, and then, using your own logic and good judgment, think, feel, and say what seems like an inappropriate reaction to the daily challenges of life. You have it in you.
Listen to your own wisdom and the sound of your heartbeat, and have the courage to share it with others. They will know who you are and what you stand for when you do. Think of the people that you admire and have admired in your life. Their answers to complex questions are often stated in simple truths.
The conclusions I’ve come to over the years can be summed up in this sentence. Be open, honest, loving, and accessible; let no person transfer us with impunity. Be who you are and dare to live out each day that God gives you in a way that is without apology, ranker, or despair. Be who you are.
There’s never a repeat; nobody is as unique and special as you. Do your life and let them know in your thoughts and actions that you were there! Be easy on yourself. You are okay!?
With love and respect,
Barry