A Letter to AIDS

Dear AIDS,

I used to hate you. I was confused and afraid to accept the idea of death and sickness. I believed the newsprint and TV, doctors, and all of that fear that others tried to lay into me on a daily basis. However, today I find I’m not dead three and half years later, and even with all these medical problems, I’m more alive today than ever. I’m a grown-up thanks to your appearance in my life. You've given me a reason to live and I love you for it. My friends are sick or dead but I am not them. I’m me. And I do not feel threatened or afraid of something that was once an enemy and has now become my strength.

Steve

Reply from AIDS to Steve

Dear Steve,

If I was, as they say, out to get you, don’t you think you’d be dead by now? I’m not able to kill, harm, or make you sick. I have no brain, brute strength or great harming force. I’m just a virus. You give me the power you should give to God. I take what I can because I don’t want to die any more than you do. yes, I live off your fears. But I die from your peace of mind, serenity, honesty, faith and desire to live.

Sincerely,

The AIDS Virus

2nd Letter

Dear AIDS,

I am so afraid of dying young. I am so afraid of going to the hospital and having all these needles and things stuck in me. I am so afraid of pain. Why do you have to do this to me and my friends? What did we ever do to make you mad at us and want to hurt you? If there is something you are trying to tell us, can’t you tell us in a different way? I miss my friends. Why did you have to kill them? Why did you have to cause them such physical pain? Sometimes I am so angry at you but right now I am not angry. I am just sad. I am confused. I don’t know what to do to calm you down. So far you’ve left me alone, but why, and for how long? John is such a gentle person. Why must he suffer? If it’s love you want, we can love you. If you have any doubts, look at the love surrounding this disease. Please answer soon. Tell us what you want. I feel like we don’t have much time but I am willing to listen and learn. Thank you

Carl

Reply from AIDS to Carl

Dear Carl,

I don’t understand this any better than you do. I don’t mean you and your loved ones any harm. I am just trying to exist, just like you, doing it in the best way I know-how. Unfortunately, it ends up hurting people. I just want love, just like you do. I’m crying out but no one seems to hear me. Maybe if we try listening to each other, we can find a way to exist in peace without hurting each other. Right now, I feel like you only want to destroy me rather than dealing with whatever it is inside of you that brought me here. Please don’t have me and try to destroy me. Love me.

Let’s talk and listen to each other and try to live in peace. Thanks

AIDS

You’re probably thinking what does it mean.

The letters above may open the door for somebody to come out of a critical illness. These letters are true letters which have been written by Carl and Steve who finally gave up fighting and decided to initiate a dialogue with the virus. A dialogue that resulted in a transformative perspective of how we’re so wrong in our thought process about illnesses and how can we rectify it. Let’s dive deep in.

I came across this interesting perspective of how we look at our illnesses. Whenever we’re ill, we criticise it, we blame it for creating so much of suffering in our lives. This is what we do in every situation which is not favourable to us. Most of us would’ve heard of this popular quote:

What we resist, persists. But I am not sure how many of us actually take time to understand this and even fewer who implement this principle in our life.

I have experienced the truth of this principle many times in my own life. And how powerful it’s application is. In simpler terms, the principle asks us to accept any given situation we’re in. It is fundamental and powerful.

Though the laws of nature ask us to apply this principle in every situation, it has become mandatory to apply when we get into a situation which seems way beyond our powers to change. When we feel cornered and helpless. We all have been in such a situation many times in our lives. There’s something magical that happens when we accept a situation completely. A space of intuition or creativity opens up when we relieve ourselves from the pressure of changing a situation. Getting relieved of the pressure doesn’t mean we will not work to change the situation which is a popular argument against it. But it rather means we will find our solution from a stronger position which is the position of acceptance.

Applying this principle in the above context would mean we’ve to stop resisting the disease. This doesn’t mean we don’t work towards eliminating it. But the first and the most powerful step we can take is to accept it completely. I think a disruptive transformation comes in the process of healing when we start to accept the illness than criticise it. When we start to be friends with it. One possible reason why we prolong our illness for so long is that we don’t accept it. We resist it unconsciously. We get so swayed by the pain it causes that we lose our awareness about our resistance to it. But interestingly, this is also a time which offers us an opportunity. An opportunity to heal ourselves by becoming aware of our resistance and then take a step mentally to accept it. Maybe the reason for the existence of pain or the illness itself is to help us practise it’s acceptance. And once we’ve accepted it, it’s purpose gets fulfilled and then the pain/illness leaves us. It is possible that there is only one purpose for anything that happens to us. To teach us to accept it. And once we accept it, the situation most of the time gets resolved either automatically (which I have experienced multiple times in my life) or we’re offered a creative solution to overcome the situation. But the most powerful action we can take on our part is to accept the situation in front of us.

For those of you who relate to what I have written above, the next important question is how do we accept it. What does acceptance look like?

I think we should begin with situations which cause mild discomfort to us. Acceptance can be looked at as a muscle we need to build. And we can’t build our muscles with heavyweight training or marathon on day 1. So we start small. Whenever we realise we are getting frustrated, irritated or being impatient in a situation, that’s a sign of our resistance to that situation. In fact, experiencing any negative emotion during a situation is a sign of us resisting the situation. And when we get this awareness that we’re resisting it, we make a conscious decision to accept it. To just accept, to give in, or to just surrender to the situation. The key is to stop fighting for a few moments with what’s happening. Now, this is the trickiest part because our ego kicks in right at this moment when we’re thinking of surrendering. The act of surrendering is perceived by our ego as it’s death. And it will give us plenty of thoughts as to why we’re wrong in accepting it. And will also cause a lot of fear inside us. The fear of losing it all. What if we lose if we stop resisting it? But this is what we need to remind ourselves at that moment, that we’re surrendering to reach a more peaceful mental state from where we can look at things more objectively and make better decisions. And the path to reach that peaceful mental state is by accepting the situation. In some way, it does convey that we’re letting go of the outcome and are more willing to accept even an unfavourable outcome to us. But strangely, this is the best and the strongest position for us to act from. I have seen it happening in numerous situations. Be it arguments with my dad, or in a board meeting, I get the best ideas only when I create a space of acceptance within me and it works wonders. So what do we need to do when we’re ill? We accept it. Maybe we can write letters to the illness. Develop the perspective of how the illness has made us a better person. Or do some other cute things with the illness. Write about it on social media and inspire others to move through their illnesses.

We don’t need to get critically ill to practice acceptance. Because we won’t be able to do so. The acceptance muscle is not built yet. So we start from small pains. And build our ability up from there. What if because we’ve developed the habit of accepting, the illness doesn’t even arrive. There is no purpose for it to be in your life. You’ve already bypassed it from your future. Just an interesting thought.

*The letters above are taken from a book, A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.