Letter 31: People around you define your growth, But How to Select Right? A no-nonsense Guide

We all have people around us who are with us either by birth, by work or by choice, and the amount of time we spend with them defines how well we grow. We went to Google to find out what they have to say and the suggestions seemed as generic as it can be with no step by step process available.

The second is to go to ChatGPT, and seek its views, incidentally, the answer to that too is a 10 point agenda on Know Your Values, to Be what you Seek, and Trust gut etc.

This still seems far from how to find the right people in life. So I thought to compile a No Nonsense guide to selecting right people in your life that help you grow.

The first step is: Thinking Short and Long Together : Like they guide you in Thinking Slow and Fast. The short aspect is: Ask yourself Whats your Ideal day look like that will make you feel joyful about your life.

You will know yourself, Like a friend of mine really likes to work from office while another really wants to work from home, both produce best work in their own zone.

As on date, and status of your career/ life stage, whats your idea day. For me, its

I am almost always off from this schedule, but I am always averaging towards this. A Saturday and Sunday bring me closer to this, and it really gives me a satisfaction of what I want to achieve, I am on track.

I believe without a routine, there is no discipline and freedom one can achieve in life, its my core belief and it has helped me. Also, this is what every book I have read taught me- to have a routine.

This is the short part of it, and it helps me clarify what people I have to let go even if I am so into them. Example: My friend was a Night owl, he is from Mumbai and fashion industry, for him, day began at 5:00 PM and late night work is a normal part of Life. Even though I have great appreciation for him, but our constant connect and chasing to work together never worked out because we were always chasing one another. The same is true for you, your partner, and your close friend.

Now comes the Long Part: What are the things you want to achieve in your Journey, In terms of Money, Achievement and Growth.

This is where your 8:00-4:00 slot goes and you deal with people here.

If you are in a business of late night parties, its nearly impossible for you to build yourself as a Early riser. Just not feasible and eventually you wont succeed.

The Long part if knowing whether your abilities and behaviours are in synch with people around you, if not, then its time to change.

Now once these two aspects are done, you just put one litmus test and you will know how to select right people.

And the Litmus test is

" In order to truly grow, you must have people who want more FOR you THAN FROM you"

Thats it, put the names of all the people around you and just on a scale of 1-10 write, this person wants 8 of 10 For me while this person wants 4 of 10 from me. Ruthlessly eliminate anyone below 6. No matter if they are Father, Mother, Best Friend, Love of your Life, 100 year old friendship.

Consider each relationship in your life and ask yourself:

1. How much does this person actively invest in my growth and success?
2. Do they celebrate my achievements without reservation?
3. Are they present during both triumphs and challenges?
4. Do they contribute to my forward momentum or create resistance?

The Rating System (1-10 Scale)

10/10: Complete alignment with your growth

• Actively supports your goals
• Provides constructive feedback
• Celebrates your successes
• Available during challenges

7-9/10: Strong positive influence

• Generally supportive
• Occasional constructive input
• Genuine well-wishes
• Reliable presence

6/10: Minimum threshold for investment

• Basic support structure
• Neutral to positive influence
• Some level of reliability
• No active hindrance

Below 6/10: Requires serious evaluation

• Minimal investment in your success
• Passive or active resistance to growth
• Unreliable support system
• Potential negative influence

The Difficult Truth

The hardest part of this evaluation is accepting that traditional relationships don't automatically earn high scores. Common scenarios include:

• Family members who discourage ambitious goals
• Long-term friends who resist your evolution
• Partners who feel threatened by your growth
• Colleagues who undermine your progress

Remember, you are responsible for your outcome. What do you think? Let me know in the comments below