LETTER 07-2024: Ask it of Yourself First

“…I have thousands of daughters. You are Black and White, Jewish, Muslim, Asian, Spanish speaking, Native Americans and Aleut. You are fat and thin and pretty and plain, gay and straight, educated and unlettered, and I am speaking to you all. Here is my offering to you....” (from 'Letter to My Daughter' by Maia Angelou)

Dear Daughters,

In a world where we often find ourselves questioning others—whether it be their actions, their motives, or their shortcomings—it’s easy to forget that the most powerful questions are the ones we ask ourselves. What if, before we demanded answers from others, we held up a mirror and asked ourselves those very same questions?

Self-reflection is a tool that leads to growth and transformation. When you start by asking yourself the tough questions, you gain a deeper understanding of your own imperfections and areas for improvement. The perfection we often seek in the world—the order, the righteousness, the fairness that we wish others would embody—begins within us.

By turning inward and asking, “Am I living up to my own standards?” or “Where am I missing the mark?”, you begin the work of self-refinement. This process helps you become the example of what you hope to see in the world. It shifts the focus from what others need to change to what you can formulate and control: your own character and behavior.

When you become your own greatest critic, it humbles you, it gives you a clearer perspective, it helps you to walk through life with grace and humility. You begin to understand that we are all works in progress, and this realization fosters compassion toward others who may be falling short.

By asking yourself the same questions you ask of others, you align your internal world with the external. You create a harmony between what you expect from life and how you contribute to it. We cannot emphasize this enough that this practice will not only strengthen your character but also deepen your empathy and understanding of other's actions, behaviors, beliefs, habits, tendencies, reactions, and even their propensity for inaction.

When a question comes up in your mind like, "Why does she do (fill in the blank)" or "Why do they never (fill in the blank)," or "He should be doing (fill in the blank)," immediately turn that question in on yourself, "Do I ever do (fill in the blank), or "Do I ever (fill in the blank)," or "Should be doing (fill in the blank)." By doing this you will become more patient, less judgmental, and more aware of the areas where you need to grow or are still growing. And in this way, you lead by example - encouraging others, not through criticism but, through the quiet strength of your own transformation.

So, the next time you question the world, pause, and first ask yourself: “Am I living up to the standards I expect of others?” When you do, you'll discover that the change you seek begins within—and from there, it has the power to ripple outward and change the world.

“Be the change you want to see in the world” ~ Mahatma Gandhi,?

With love and reflection,

F50Woman