Let's Talk About Sex, Kenya! "Abstinence" Isn't Working - Time for the Naked Truth

Speaking openly and boldly, from the mouth of a Babe in her prime 20s, we need to put a condom on it and have consistently realistic sex talks that our young ones need.

For too long, the prevailing approach to sexual education for young Kenyans used by our teachers, parents, religious leaders, elders, policy makers and politicians, has been to preach "abstinence" until marriage. While well-intentioned, this narrow approach has continued to ignore a difficult reality - many young Kenyans are becoming sexually active at an alarmingly early age. Scholars have done their due and studies show the average age of voluntary sexual debut in Kenya is around 15 years old and it may continue to go shockingly, tragically!

Let's be clear - abstinence can certainly be a valid choice for young people, and no one is suggesting it should be disregarded entirely. However, the harsh reality is that preaching "abstinence only" has failed to prevent many Kenyan youth from becoming sexually active out of their own will, however uninformed. With data confirming that our "kids" are actively having sex despite our societal preferences, we can no longer bury our heads in the sand. As uncomfortable as it may make us, we must have the difficult, honest conversations about safe sex and sexual health - because judging from the numbers, the "abstinence" approach has failed terribly, and at the expense of our young ones' futures.

Brushing this fact under the rug through an "abstinence only" curriculum therefore does our youth a great disservice. As we have been actively choosing to look the other way, teenagers have been navigating the adult world of sex completely unprepared. This ostrich approach has left many vulnerable to unintended pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections, and a lack of understanding about consent and healthy relationships.

We are way past the time we needed to have evolved beyond simplistic slogans and started to have honest, evidence-based conversations about adolescent sexuality. Continuous comprehensive, age-appropriate and culturally sensitive sex education that addresses safer sex practices, birth control options, and prevention of STIs will empower youth to make informed decisions if and when they choose to be sexually active. Silence and shaming solve nothing.

The truth is, young people today are bombarded with sexual imagery and content through media, pop culture, and their peers from a shockingly young age. Many have their first exposure to pornography before age 13. Rather than plug our ears, we need to acknowledge this head-on and ensure they receive guidance from credible sources.

Strict abstinence conversations fail to equip youth with any pragmatic tools for the reality they're living in. It would be far better to have open discussions about understanding sex, delaying sexual activity, developing healthy attitudes about sex and consent, and promoting safe practices for those who choose to be sexually active as adolescents. Judgment-free counseling and easy access to condoms and birth control could make a meaningful difference. This is particularly a message to policy-makers who are also parents and were once teenagers. You have the ability, power and capacity to enact laws/policies that facilitates access to and affordability of family planning services and products for all in need.

This isn't just about teenage pregnancies or disease. Early sexual debut has been linked to higher rates of sexual violence, low self-esteem and depression in adulthood. Pretending it's not happening creates a dangerous knowledge vacuum that harm-reduction education could help fill.

Of course, parents worry that comprehensive sex-ed encourages promiscuity. But study after study shows this concern is unfounded - teens with quality sex education tend to delay sexual activity longer than those with none. Open discussion simply equips youth to make smarter choices when the time comes.

We cannot keep subjecting Kenyan youth to the same failed, ignorance-based approach of the past. As uncomfortable as it may feel, we owe it to them to get real about the pressures they face. Providing well-rounded, age-appropriate, honest sex education is an investment in their health, safety and futures. The alternative is to keep leaving them at risk for preventable harms, and that should be unacceptable to us all.

To the reader, help me open our society's eyes to the reality our youth are living in. Facilitate those around you to ditch the judgment, and have the courageous conversations required to truly empower the next generation. Their well-being depends on our willingness to evolve.

Thanks for engaging. I am a communications, gender, research and holistic development champion who uses social behaviour change communication approach in my works. Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel @Xtra Dialogues for more.