Let’s Talk About Mothering and Love

May is the month in America that celebrates Mother’s Day - and hopefully offers deep appreciation for those who “mother” us.

I am speaking now about those who hold the energy field of love – the foundation that supports us all.

These are the people who quietly yet powerfully lead the symphony of nurturing love that allows the world to hum along optimally.

They are the people who give birth or hold the space for others to do so in a healthy way. They are the people who raise our children, and create a basket of love for them to thrive in. I am now speaking about the whole village – parents of all kinds, aunts, uncles, grandparents, close friends, and everyone who contributes to this basket, making it a safe, creative, warm place.

On the other end of the life cycle, these are the people who hold space for that other major transition – the dying process.

It is my hope that the understanding of the importance of this sacred role is coming to light again.

I am honored to witness my daughter and her wife, as well as my niece and her husband, as they lovingly show up for their children and help them grow and thrive. I am in awe of how they are navigating this sometimes messy, always challenging, and deeply rewarding process.

SIDE NOTE:?Parenthood stretches us waaaaaaaay beyond what we ever thought we were capable of and ultimately helps us stand stronger and deeper in ourselves as we learn to support new life and growth.

On the other end of the life cycle, I just spent a week with my 95-year-old mom - supporting her and celebrating her life. At the same time, my beloved has said goodbye to his mother this week as she slips across the threshold and into the arms of those who have gone before her.

So what does it take to be such a soul?

What goes into becoming such a person?

First is honoring the importance of self-care for those who are mothering. Where this once was seen as a self-less role, we now understand that we can weave this basket of nurturance best when we are full and cared for ourselves.

This means moment to moment thinking about what you need as the person in the mothering role. This dual consciousness is vital for survival in these stressful times.

Secondly is loving as full heartedly as possible in any given moment. Don’t hold back. Let your words of support and encouragement flow. Let your actions reflect those words.

The paradox is that it is much more exhausting to hold back love - for those around you or for yourself. (And yet we seem to do it all the time!) It is rich and filling for both giver and receiver to simply let it flow, in whatever way is possible.

Thirdly, cultivating the yin attribute of flexibility and fluidity – letting things go and dropping any rigid stances or limiting beliefs you may have acquired along the way – is a vital part of loving others in your world with more whole heartedness.

These are the basic rules I am committed to – knowing that I do it imperfectly, but I am doing my best. From time to time, I find myself slipping back into the old model I grew up with - to give until I drop, putting everyone else’s needs first. In those moments I am forgetting to take care of myself - of my own inner oasis.

And as this sacred role of mothering requires so much from us, it is all important to care for the well of your soul – your inner oasis. So that you have what you need to continue to love and mother those around you whole heartedly.

How about “mothering” or supporting someone in the dying process, on the other end of the life cycle? Birth and death are both sacred times for us all, so a little preparation can be so important.

I will share with you what came to me recently about this process. Again, a few principles which can be modified as the situation demands.

First, let the person who is transitioning out know that they are loved - through your words or a gentle touch. Let them know you are grateful for all they have done throughout their life – through the good times and the tough times.

Let them know they can rest easy and let go with the knowledge that those left behind are okay and that their job is done here (and that they did it well.)

Let them know that there are loved ones waiting for them on the other side, ready to embrace them and ease this transition when they are ready. Often for days or weeks before someone’s actual death they will feel or see these loved ones. And above all else, let your heart be open and let the love and tears flow if they are there.

Take time this month to renew your commitment to being such a soul – the world needs all of us right now.

Blessing and love to you all.

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