Let’s talk about meditation!

I know it is a new hip thing, one of many: mindfulness, meditation, office yoga … and you are just sick of it …

To be honest, not so long ago when someone mentioned meditation, my first response would be: Wait! What? To clear my mind? But I can’t do it. I don’t know how to stop my thoughts and I know I should practice but I fail all the time. I should not think, but there is the lunch I didn’t prepare (not to mention I don’t know what it will be) and again, damn it. Just NO thoughts and inhale and exhale. One long breath in… and I just remembered that there is this meeting preparation I didn’t finish. I know it is an internal meeting with my team, but I still like to be prepared and I haven’t thought about my outfit. But boy, I really like those shoes I saw in yesterday and… WAIT, no thoughts!!!

So, I have tried several times and I have failed to clear my mind from all random thoughts. To tell you the truth, when I heard that people have been practicing it for centuries, I just ended up feeling like a failure, because it seems like everyone else can do it and it is so hard for me. It is easy for those monks somewhere in the mountains, always the same clothes the same hairstyle or no style, no worries, no job, no kids, no family gatherings. But is there still a way to do it? My experience says, yes.

First, let’s be clear. Meditation is a practice. This means you must practice. Every day or every 2 days or regularly. But still, you need to practice, and you can’t succeed in 3 days or a week or a month. It takes time and dedication.

Secondly, you can’t succeed or fail in meditation. Success or failure assumes that there is a standard or a criterion to be met. And who is the one setting up standards? Is it you or some book or a podcast? If you meditate for half an hour, are you more successful in meditation than someone who meditates for 10 minutes? Meditation is not a race and there is no goal to reach and no prize to win so you can’t fail.

Let me explain what you can do. Set a timer on your phone for 5 minutes. Turn off all sounds and notifications. Sit comfortably, relax or try to relax and bear in mind that it is ok if you are not relaxed. Close your eyes and try to breathe in and out. If you can, try to have deep long breaths. If your breathing is shallow, that is ok. Try to focus your attention to cold fresh air, coming up your nose and warmer air getting out when you exhale. If some thoughts pop up in your head, or if you perceive any distractions, if the neighbour’s dog is barking, or if you can hear car driving by, that is ok. You just notice that thoughts exist, that there are other sounds surrounding you, and then you re-shift your attention to breathing. If possible, aim for long inhales and long exhales. If your breathing is not deep, again, that is ok. Just be there in the presence, focused on your breathing.

Before you know it, 5 minutes will pass. If you lose your patience after for example 3 minutes and get up, you didn’t fail. The only way you can fail is if you don’t come back and try again. So even if your exercise of breathing lasted for a minute or two, this was meditation. Just try again tomorrow and the day after and you can make a commitment to do if for a month. Maybe you can share this commitment with your friends, and it will give you the strength to continue. But try every day. It will be 3 minutes, then 5 and you add a little bit more every time. You know, even if you continue meditation for a whole month for just 3- 5 minutes, you are still doing it. Just focus on the breathing and be here in the present and if your mind wanders off, that is ok. Do not judge yourself and do not set standards. Focus your attention again on breathing and – Congratulations, you are meditating!