Let’s Talk About Loss – And Why Facing It Is Your First Step to Healing

Let’s have a real talk today—about something we all experience but rarely discuss openly: loss. And no, I’m not just talking about losing a loved one (though that’s one of the hardest). Loss can take many forms—an end to a relationship, a career change, or even letting go of a dream that didn’t pan out.

Here’s the thing: grief isn’t linear. It’s messy, personal, and sometimes makes us feel like we’re on a rollercoaster we never signed up for.

But here’s the other thing: healing starts with acceptance. It’s not about “getting over” something. It’s about coming to terms with what’s happened, facing it head-on, and giving yourself permission to feel all the feels.

Let me tell you a story about Bill, a friend who found himself navigating a tough loss. It was his experience that struck a chord, inspiring me to share my thoughts here.

Bill’s journey began not with “acceptance” (the final stage of grief, according to the experts) but with a different kind of acceptance: recognising that what he was experiencing was, in fact, loss.

He didn’t even realise he was grieving at first—his world had changed dramatically, and he was in denial. It wasn’t until he said to himself, “This is a loss, and it’s okay to feel this way,” that he could start to heal.

Why We Need to Stop Saying “Chin Up”

When someone’s struggling, how often do we default to “It’ll be fine” or “Stay positive”? I get it—it’s uncomfortable to sit with someone else’s pain. But glossing over it isn’t helpful.

What if instead, we said:

• “It’s okay to feel this way.”
• “Take your time. I’m here if you need me.”
• “Healing takes as long as it takes, and that’s perfectly normal.”

Trusting the Healing Process

I know what you’re thinking: “Sure, but how do I move forward?” Healing isn’t one-size-fits-all, but understanding the stages of grief can help you recognise and normalise what you’re feeling.

Here are seven stages of healing (spoiler: you won’t go through them in a neat order):

1. Shock and Denial – “This can’t be happening.” It’s intense and often physical (think shaking hands, nausea).
2. Pain and Guilt – The “what-ifs” creep in. It’s easy to blame yourself but remember: responsibility ≠ blame.
3. Anger and Bargaining – You might be furious at the world (or the sun for rising). That’s okay. Feel it.
4. Depression and Loneliness – This is where reality sinks in. It’s tough but essential for reflection.
5. The Upward Turn – Slowly, the storm quiets. You start seeing possibilities.
6. Reconstruction – You feel in control again and start rebuilding your life.
7. Acceptance and Hope – You’re not “over it,” but you’ve made peace with it and are ready to embrace the future.

Action Steps for Facing Loss and Moving Forward

If you’re navigating loss (or know someone who is), here are some ideas to take small but meaningful steps:

1. Name Your Loss: Acknowledge what you’re grieving—it could be an opportunity, a relationship, or even a version of yourself.
2. Talk About It: Find a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. Saying it out loud helps.
3. Feel the Feelings: Let yourself cry, journal, or take a long walk. Avoiding emotions only delays healing.
4. Lean on Your Tribe: Accept help from loved ones, even if it’s just someone to sit with you in silence.
5. Be Kind to Yourself: Healing isn’t a sprint. Celebrate small wins, like getting out of bed or taking a walk.
6. Explore What’s Next: When you’re ready, ask yourself, “What do I want my next chapter to look like?”

A Final Thought & My Challenge to You

Grieving isn’t about “fixing” yourself or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about giving yourself grace and space to heal.

Next time you’re tempted to say, “I’m fine,” take a breath. If you’re not fine, consider opening up instead. And if someone else tells you they’re struggling, offer your presence, not platitudes.

For Bill, his breakthrough came when he realised that mourning the life he’d lost was necessary to build a new one. He didn’t forget his past, but he stopped letting it define his future.

Healing isn’t linear, but it’s possible. Bill’s story reminds me—and hopefully you—that while loss is inevitable, so is growth. With time, patience, and a little hope, you can transform your rock bottom into a solid foundation for the future.

Let’s talk about loss. Let’s normalise healing. Because none of us are truly alone in this.

Stay strong and stay kind, Martin