Let's Talk About Grief

With Mental Health Awareness Month drawing to a close, I felt this was a timely post to pen. So let's talk about grief.

Grief is defined as the “mental or emotional suffering or distress caused by loss or regret. It's especially used to refer to the feeling of sorrow and loss from the death of a loved one.”

While grief is a natural response to loss whether that be of a loved one, relationship, job or a way of life – it’s the significance of that loss that indicates just how intense that grief might be.

In 2018, my best mate passed away and five days later my grandfather passed away. I can’t tell you much of the details that happened during that day or week, except that I swung from feeling numb, shocked, heartbroken, overwhelmed, and confused. While neither death was unexpected, both had been ill for a long period of time, I took solace in my goodbye to them both.

I could tell them what they meant to me, how they impacted my life and how incredible I thought they both were. It was a part of closure that I didn’t realise was so important to me personally, until years later. It’s a time that I will treasure forever, because how incredible is it that another human being trusts you so unequivocally that they want you to stand by them in their most vulnerable moments?

Last year, I lost a good friend tragically and unexpectedly. Once I climbed on the merry-go-round of ‘what ifs’ and ‘hows’ I found it impossible to get off. I feel exceptionally grateful that I have an employer and management that I felt comfortable saying, “This is what happened, and I am not okay, I need a few days to process,” and with their blessing, I could take some time to do what I could to process my grief without the added distraction of deadlines and back-to-back meetings.

I don’t have a poker face; the devastation and heartbreak were etched across my face as I found it impossible to think of anything else. The overwhelming sense of confusion that I felt knocked me for a six, and it’s only with time, that I can reflect properly, and I wonder – do we even talk about grief and its effects enough?

Identifying that I have a complicated relationship with grief has been far more empowering than I imagined. Beyond Blue’s website tells us that ‘grief is something that takes time to work through’, and they are right. We all find our own way to cope with loss, and it's on par with my grandfather's own wise words, “You never stop loving someone, you just learn to live without them”.

Taking time out to process, reflect and get back to it - means I am human. Importantly, identifying this relationship and being comfortable about being open about it has made me a better employee, friend and partner.