Let's talk about grief... Part 2

Thirteen years after losing my dear Dad to cancer, I recently lost my Mum very quickly, also to cancer. The shock and sadness that comes with watching your loved one face the news of a terminal diagnosis, seeing them become more and more sick and frail and eventually taking “the call” was the same but different. What was new, was the realisation that I and my brother are now the “grown ups”. Sounds ridiculous to say at 51, right? But it was nonetheless scary and disarming. My Mum’s diagnosis led me to write my previous (and first) LinkedIn article on grief. Her subsequent death and facing the fact that I now didn’t have a ‘Mum’ or ‘Dad’ to seek advice from, led me to deliver her eulogy (something I was not mentally of emotionally stable enough to do for my Dad).

It also led me to think about what else I needed to do as I return to “normal” life and work, knowing that I still have a journey ahead of me, that grief will continue to challenge me, and that even with a supportive employer, we need to think more carefully and practically about how we “come back” and what we need to prepare for staring this new chapter.

In my last article I wrote about ways we as Line Managers can support someone who is caring for and facing a loved one who is terminally ill. Practical tools along with compassionate thinking and approaches. This is important because grief is a very personal and individual thing. As I said previously, I find it relatively easy to talk about how I am feeling and show my emotions but not everyone does. However, as critical as businesses supporting employees experiencing grief is, learning from my previous experience, what can I do to prepare to return to work and life recognising that this can be so challenging, both emotionally and practically?

What could be some strategies or approaches I could consider to support myself and to return stronger and transition back into a role I love and continue to thrive?

1.????? Ease Back Into Work

Talk to your about when you plan to return and discuss any accommodations or practical support you might need, such as a phased return or flexible hours. If you can, think about a gradual return. Maybe start with shorter days or fewer tasks to help ease you back into the routine.

2.????? Manage Your Workload

Check in with your team or line manager to get up to speed on what’s happened in your absence. This will help you feel more in control. Prioritization is always so important and now, more than ever focusing on essential tasks first is critical. It’s okay to delegate or delay less urgent work until you feel more settled. And if you’re not sure, speak to your Line Manager.

3.????? Prepare Emotionally

That sounds so simple, doesn’t it? This is really about being kind to yourself, acknowledging your feelings, understand that it's normal to feel a range of emotions, from sadness to guilt or anxiety and giving yourself permission to feel these emotions. Practice some self-compassion and understand that you may not be as productive or focused as usual at first.

4.????? Establish a Support System

Find a colleague you trust who can support you, whether it’s just listening or helping you navigate your workload. Don’t be afraid to seek professional support and consider counselling or employee assistance programs (EAP) that offer professional support. If your employer can’t direct you to company EAP programs, I’ve listed a number of known organisations in the UK for support.

5.????? Set Boundaries

Be clear and honest about your boundaries with your colleagues and communicate your limits, especially if you’re not ready to talk about your loss. Manage your expectations and communicate what you need. Both you and your colleagues might need to adjust expectations temporarily around your workload and productivity.

6.????? Create a Coping Strategy

It’s not rocket science but actually hard to do day to day and sometimes gets missed because you are so determined to “be OK” and “get back to normal”. Schedule regular breaks during the day to recharge emotionally and physically. Practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or short walks to manage stress during the day.

7.????? Have a Return Plan

Prepare for your first day by deciding what you’ll focus on, who you’ll talk to, and what you’ll need. And be open to adjusting your plan if things feel too overwhelming.

8.????? Reflect and Adjust

Review Your Progress. See how you feel and regularly assess how you’re coping, and make adjustments as you need to. Ask for feedback and talk to your manager about how you’re doing and any additional support you might need.

Remember, returning to work after a loss, or in fact navigating work while caring for someone terminally ill, is a process and it's important to be patient with yourself as you navigate this transition.

Is there a silver bullet to getting this right? Sadly not. For me, as I often say to colleagues and Managers, finding my tribe who can listen when I need to talk and who can remind me to be kind to myself and be patient is really important.

I’m employing coping strategies taking breaks and going for a walk, practicing mindfulness and trying to eat and sleep well. I am blessed that I have people around me who do keep me honest and who I trust to continue doing so. If you can, rally that network for you. And if you can’t, speak to your Line Manager or your People Team about accessing professional and emotional services that your organisation can offer.

As I said before, I’m happy to connect with anyone on this subject. The response to my last article was hugely moving and reassured me that talking about this subject is good and valuable. Let’s keep checking in on mates/colleagues. If we all look out for each other, we can make life a tiny bit easier for each other. My ’tribe’ work and friends yet again were my safety net and have given me so much strength – Thank you

Finally, if you are looking for support groups and organisations to help, I thought it would be helpful to list a number of UK organisations that are dedicated to helping people experiencing grief.

Cruse Bereavement Support www.cruse.org.uk

Cruse is one of the largest bereavement charities in the UK. They offer free and confidential support to anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one. This can be one-to-one support, group support, telephone helpline, online chat, and email support.

Samaritans www.samaritans.org

Samaritans provide emotional support to anyone in distress, including those grieving, 24/7. This an be via telephone helpline, email support, and face-to-face support in some locations.

Mind www.mind.org.uk

While Mind is a mental health charity, they offer support for those dealing with grief, particularly in relation to its impact on mental health. They have information resources, local branches offering support groups, and a helpline.

The Compassionate Friends www.tcf.org.uk

This organization specifically supports parents and families who have lost a child of any age. They offer support groups, online forums, a helpline, and one-to-one support.

WAY - Widowed and Young www.widowedandyoung.org.uk

WAY provides support for men and women under 50 who have lost a partner. They offer peer-to-peer support, local meet-ups, online forums, and social events.

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SoBS) www.uksobs.org

SoBS offers support specifically for those who have lost someone to suicide. They have local support groups, telephone helpline, email support, and online forums.

Child Bereavement UK www.childbereavementuk.org

This charity supports families and children who are grieving the loss of a child or struggling with the death of a loved one. They provide counselling, support groups, helpline, and resources for parents, schools, and professionals.

Marie Curie Bereavement Support www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends

Marie Curie provides support for those affected by terminal illness, including after bereavement. This includes a telephone helpline, online chat, information resources, and one-to-one support.

Grief Encounter www.griefencounter.org.uk

This charity focuses on supporting bereaved children and young people, as well as their families. They offer counselling, support groups, online resources, and helpline.

At a Loss www.ataloss.org

At a Loss offers a comprehensive directory of bereavement services across the UK, helping people find local and specialized support. They offer an online directory, signposting to relevant services, and resources.

Big love to anyone who is experiencing terminal illness and/or death of a loved one. You are not alone. I see you...