Let's Talk About Envy, Jealousy, and FOMO

In our LinkedIn Live this week, Nihar Chhaya, MBA, MCC and I dive into what I call the triangle of doom. 3 words: “envy,” “shame” and scarcity.?

These feelings- shame, scarcity, envy, can drive so many of us into a perpetually anxious state. But whether we’re self employed or trying to make it within an organization, envy is a natural human emotion. What’s worse, many of us operate in a digital and professional landscape that is literally designed to drive jealousy and FOMO.

The dictionary defines envy as “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.” If you ask me, this describes most of capitalism. The whole nature of “getting ahead” is constructed around envy!

And so, I don’t think we should ignore or deny these feelings, as uncomfortable as they may be. I think we should look at them, interrogate them, and ask: ‘are you trying to tell me something, or should I just ignore you?’

If you let envious feelings get out of control, it can really hamper your own work and productivity.?

I speak from experience. I’m a recovering envious person, and frankly, I still struggle with it. Before I sold my company in 2021, I spent about 5 years being obsessed with two other small businesses in my space. We competed and we collaborated- let’s say we were classic frenemies-- but I let myself become consumed by envy about them. I stalked the owners’ whereabouts on social media. I imagined they never had cash flow issues, that they were rolling in money and new clients and? accolades...taking business away from me left and right, because they were so much better than me.?

Well: It turns out everything I imagined about those other companies wasn't even true. One of the firms went out of business and the other got acquired...and yes- I was happy for them. You know why?

I realized I needed a new ethos in my life. A reframing. A way to forcibly get myself away from the cycle of feeling envy and scarcity. I call it “more pie.” Everytime I’m consumed with envy and a feeling like there isn’t enough to go around, I say: “There’s always more pie.” This cognitive reframing has helped me get out of a pity party many times.

Even now, as I’m awash in a miserable sea of comparing myself to other authors, podcast hosts, and thought leaders, I’m telling myself, “There’s enough for everyone.” I’m telling it to myself even when I don’t believe it, because changing your thinking requires practice.?

Wherever you are, if you’re stuck in that triangle of doom I mentioned - I hope this episode helps you step outside the feelings and examine their sources. Remember: just cause they’re feelings doesn’t mean they are true. There is always more pie.?

Morra