Let's Talk Donor Love: The 5 Love Languages and Planned Giving

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

Elizabeth Barrett Browning really upped the ante on Valentine’s Day, didn’t she? Quite the poet, Ms. Browning has helped many of us woo those we love with words.

Words are indeed beautiful. But did you know there are other ways to express love? Five to be exact.

While knowing the five love languages can help us deepen our personal and even professional relationships (our entire staff took the love languages quiz for the workplace a few years back) they can also strengthen our donor relationships. After all, when you strip away the technical layers of our work, the essence of what we do is build relationships with those we love—our supporters and donors. And they are in love with our nonprofit (or at least like us a lot) because of the love and goodwill that our nonprofit puts back into the world.

Now We’re Talkin’: The 5 Love Languages

These are the five “categories” in which people innately like to give and receive love.

• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts

How do you apply these to your planned giving donors? We have some ideas.

Words of Affirmation

If words of affirmation are important to your donor, saying “I appreciate what you did” or “Thank you for doing that” makes them feel valued.

For supporters who thrive on words of affirmation:

• They respond to acknowledgments of affection (“You make a difference,” “Because you care …”)
• They like verbal and written appreciation, but they also value digital thanks, like public displays of gratitude on social media.

Examples to connect:

• Texts. Keep them short and sweet. Show your donor you care about days that are important to them. Send a happy birthday text or a note to check in and tell them you hope they’re doing well.
• Expressions of gratitude from senior-level leadership or board members demonstrate to donors that their planned gift is a big deal. Put together your internal go-to thank-you team and spend a day making phone calls or writing handwritten letters.

Acts of Service

People who feel love through acts of service respond when you do things with them and for them that make their lives easier or make them feel appreciated. The doing is the key.

For supporters who thrive on acts of service:

• They appreciate it when someone goes out of their way to do something kind for them.
• Actions speak louder than words: They want to see—and experience—how their gift makes a difference, not just read about it.

Examples to connect:

• Spend time with them, one on one.
• Take them on a tour of a new building on campus.
• Ask them if they’d like to join you in sorting donations for the food drive.
• Invite them to preview an upcoming art exhibit with you.

Physical Touch

These types of donors feel appreciated with small gestures of physical affection.

Caution: In this case, you really need to know your donor well. If they’re comfortable with hugs—great—give them. If a handshake is more their style, stick to that with a side of a big smile.

For supporters who thrive on physical touch:

• They feel connected through one-on-one time.
• They want to receive but also give back in this love language.?

Examples to connect:

• Make a point to greet them using eye contact or touches on the upper arm or back.
• Invite them to an experience. They’ll feel all the feels when they can reach out and touch, see and hear your nonprofit’s mission in action.

Quality Time

Planned giving isn’t one-and-done. It’s a commitment, a marriage, some might say.

For supporters who thrive on quality time:

• They value your full attention when you are together.
• They desire quality time over quantity time.

Examples to connect:

• The quality time doesn’t have to be only with you. Invite donors to exclusive donor appreciation get-togethers, like campus events, hospital tours or meal deliveries.
• Extend invitations to special events or internal working groups where you know their input will be valued.

Receiving Gifts

Our mantra here is, “It’s the thought that counts.” For these donors, the gift is the physical reminder of the love between them and your nonprofit.

For supporters who thrive on receiving gifts:

• They appreciate gifts that are heartfelt and hold meaning. The cost does not play a factor.
• They want to know that they are on your mind—that you thought of them when you saw the particular item and knew they would love it.

Examples to connect:

• Think outside the box. If your nonprofit offers arts or theatre programs, have participants create a small gift to send or have them perform a thank-you skit. Record it and send it to donors.
• Personally deliver annual reports to donors with notes and highlights showing impact.
• Be sure to listen for hints on your donor’s hobbies and things they are interested in and take note of them so you can use that information to surprise them later.

What’s your love language? Apparently, I am the touchy-feely type (Physical Touch). The next time I see you, I expect a hug.

Do you ever see the 5 love languages at work with your donors? We’d love to hear how you adapt your style to speak their love language. Oh, and here’s an extra special read on “How To and Why You Should Love Your Donors (the Philanthropy Psychology Way).”