Let's talk about culture

Forgive the indulgent food pics (yes, I took these pics, and yes I have eaten and digested them all!) I've been back in Malaysia, my country of birth.

My days have been spent eating unabashedly, sitting vigil by my mum's side in the hospital, having long chats with my sister - exchanging stories and memories about our childhood, revisiting old food haunts and reading when my concentration allows me.

It's making me think a lot about CULTURE.

Specifically 'understanding people' (and understanding myself) through the lens of culture.

As I finished these two books amidst the backdrop of 'home' (I'd recommend them both) - I found that they both coincidentally raise the significance of CULTURE in shaping who we are.

DEFINE CULTURE

In 'How to Know a Person', David Brooks defines CULTURE as:

"A shared symbolic landscape that we use to construct our reality. People who grow up in different cultures see the world differently - sometimes on the most elemental level."

In his premise of getting us to 'see a person deeply' - he outlines that one needs to:

"step back to appreciate the power of group culture and how it is formed over generations and poured into a person. But it also means stepping close and perceiving each individual person in the midst of their lifelong project of crafting their own life and their own point of view, often in defiance of their group's consciousness. The trick is to hold these two perspectives together at the same time."

He adds that:

"People are not passive vessels into which culture is poured; each person is a cultural co-creator, embracing some bits of their culture, rejecting others - taking the stories of the past and transforming them with their own lives. To see a person well, you have to see them as culture inheritors and as culture creators."

And it is these questions from his book that I find myself contemplating:

• What’s the place you spiritually never leave?
• How do the dead show up in your life?
• How do I see you embracing or rejecting your culture?
• How do I see you transmitting your culture?
• How do I see you rebelling against your culture?
• How do I see you caught between cultures?

These are BIG questions - but important ones in the process of excavating who we truly are.

By sharing our cultures and stories with others, and thinking together about what they mean, we learn to understand each other at the deepest level.

HOW DO I SEE YOU EMBRACING OR REJECTING YOUR CULTURE?

(I'm dying to host a supper club with this very question).

Here are some of my thoughts, in no particular order:

• We ate a lot of hawker food growing up. We would slurp our steaming bowls of 'koay teow' noodle soup in dirty, noisy, sticky, sweaty coffee shops. It is the food I crave most when I step on Malaysian soil and hands down my 'last meal on earth' request. As my sister and I sat in our 'childhood' hawker centre last Sunday, we marvelled at how intimidating and daunting it would be for a 'foreigner' to stumble into the chaos of these eateries. When it comes to food, I embrace my culture.

• In Chinese tradition, 'postpartum confinement' is a traditional practise following childbirth. Women are advised to stay indoors for a minimum of 30 days for recovery from the trauma of birth and for feeding the newborn baby. Often a 'confinement nanny' is hired, assisting with preparing meals and herbal soups considered to be nourishing for the body and helpful for breastfeeding. Traditionally, the mother is also not permitted to bathe, wash her hair, (especially hard in 30 degree tropical heat!) or weep, because these activities were believed to affect the breast milk. Whilst my sister adhered to this tradition for all 3 of her children (as did many of my Malaysian friends) I rejected this part of my culture and said a firm 'no thank you'. I didn't want a stranger(the confinement lady), living in my home, telling me what to do during the most intimately precious month of my life. I wanted to stubbornly do it my way - free from outside interference. In this instance, I rebelled against my culture.
• Recently a childhood friend of mine referred to her father as a 'Chinese Supremacist' with a casual shrug of her shoulder. I've been so used to hearing the phrase 'White supremacist' in the context of racism that it stopped me in my tracks. Upon reflection - of course the phrase makes sense. Back in Asia, I observe deeply embedded prejudices amongst the Chinese. (Note this is not true of ALL Chinese people of course!!) However, there are those who still believe in the importance of preserving the 'superiority' of their race and not diluting their genetic bloodline. It's a patriarchal culture where boys are often prized above girls, and afforded more privileges (from best part of the chicken at the dinner table, to access to better education, to an assured bigger slice of the inheritance). Yes - the Chinese have been persecuted and oppressed in many 'white dominated' societies, but it's a classic example of how both things can be true. Sometimes (in a different context and a different cultural petri dish) the oppressed can also be the oppressor. This part of my culture I reject.
• My father used to disallow us from drinking water whilst we were having our dinner. He believed it would 'fill up our tummies' and we would thus not finish our dinners and get the proper nutrition we needed. We were never allowed to leave anything behind on our plates. Wasting food was BAD. Embedded in this thinking was the Chinese immigrant conditioning. Get the right nutrition. Don't waste any food. Never take it for granted. 30 years later, I continue to refrain from drinking much water whilst I eat (without ever questioning why until right now!) I HATE leaving food untouched on my plate. I'm not tolerant of my kids leaving food uneaten. It might be inaccurate to say I embrace this part of my culture - it's just seeped into my bones as a core part of who I am.

These are just a few of my examples. I have so many. I'd encourage you to explore this for yourself.

The process of 'excavation' through the lens of our culture is a fascinating (and revealing) one.

As David Brooks highlights, we are both cultural inheritors and culture creators- embracing some bits of our culture and rejecting others. This shapes our view of the world.

To truly understand someone, we have to be deeply curious about a person's cultural context and upbringing (this is not easy when so many of us have not explored it for ourselves):

"When I'm looking at you, and trying to know you, I'm going to want to ask you how your ancestors show up in your life. And if you are looking at me, you'll want to ask how the past lives in me."

A GIFT OF HOPE

I made a little podcast episode about HOPE that I genuinely love.

I asked for voice notes on “what hope means to you”.?

I compiled it, and I’m so proud of this one.?It felt like a creative act of generosity.?

It felt like making an assortment goodie tin of hope, filled with different varieties - some like sunshine, some a little crumbly, some a little blue, some with feathers.

I learned that:?

Hope is a choice. Hope is hard. Hope is discipline. Hope is children. Hope is nature. Hope is art. Hope is activism. Hope is fierce. Hope is those in-between spaces we so often overlook.?

It’s my little gift for anyone reaching out to the ether for an assortment biscuit tin of hope.

Go out in nature for a walk and give it a listen!

And then share on as a little gift to someone else.?

And to finish with a little random something - Here is the best Venn diagram in the world ??

Hi, I'm the founder CEO of Crew & Riot.?

My mission is to help leaders build inclusive brands and cultures.

Here's how I can help you:

??Building Brand strategies for business AND social impact

??Innovations with inclusive design principles at its heart.

??Team cultures and leaders who embrace diversity & belonging

??Leadership Coaching (for leaders who want to lead for positive impact.)

If any of this interests you, please drop me a message on Linkedin and we can arrange a no obligation discovery call.

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