Let's Talk Change & Transformation: Only This Time, It's Personal!

Those of you who follow me will know that I often speak about change and transformation, but typically in the context of business. However, this year has unfolded in ways I could never have anticipated and it is me who has been on a profound journey of growth and transformation—this time, on a personal level. Q1 felt like a complete disaster, but with the clarity of hindsight, I see it as one of the greatest blessings. Now, as we approach Q4, I’m amazed at how my new norm has taken shape and quite literally transformed my life.

In February this year, life changed unexpectedly and quite without warning and like many other people who found themselves in similar circumstances up went my green banner yet again - I was 'open to work'. I saw this as an opportunity to take a breather and concentrate on my exams as I rattled towards the finish line of my third year at University where I study LLB part -time. I had not one but two lovely holidays to look forward to, a week self-catering in Jersey in the Spring followed by an 8 day cruise along the Norwegian Fjords after my exams. We didn't have a honeymoon thanks to Covid restrictions so the whole experience of travel felt magical and more than made up for it.

During both trips I was taking regular calls from recruiters, I'd had interviews, got close to final rounds, you know the drill. I filled my time looking for roles and opportunities, tweaking and tailoring my CV each time, adapting my covering letters. Researching companies, applying direct, fielding diversity questions, deleting the spammers (sigh) it went on and on and on. Throughout all of this I continued to learn and acquire new knowledge independently, focussing on the time I had to immerse myself in new things! I learned a great deal about myself and the things that really make me tick and I felt driven in a new direction, but quite what that was, well, I was not too sure straight away. It wasn't truly any one particular thing, it was a collection of things, experiences, conversations, disappointments, let downs, being mis-led, ghosted, and generally overlooked as a 'woman of a certain age'. It was also because I was able to recognise through the process of self-reflection how much I'd compromised in order to fit in and please others, to the extent I had overlooked the things that really matter to me, my values, and my beliefs. So, what I thought at the time was a bit of a disaster, was in fact a distinct catalyst for an exciting new chapter in my life and for that, I will be eternally grateful.

I have been to a number of funerals in recent times, far more than I could have imagined. There are three that will remain in my mind as the most joyful celebrations of lives well lived whereas some will sadly be remembered for all the wrong reasons. And then, there is the catalyst, a funeral I never attended and upsettingly nor did anyone else.

My Husband & I were on holiday in Jersey, our first day there! An overnight crossing from Portsmouth, almost 12 hours at sea as we'd called into St Peter's Port on Guernsey en-route to drop off and collect passengers. We'd not long arrived at our accommodation when my mobile rang, a moment I will never forget. It was my Sister, she'd received a letter, "did you receive one too?" she asked me. I told her I couldn't possibly know and asked her who it was from, what was it about? She said, "have you heard of heir hunters?" To begin with I thought it was some kind of joke "air hunters?! What the hell is that!" She went on to explain, "not air, heir as in estate." I was really taken aback and it took a few moments for me to process what she was telling me.

Suffice to say, we spoke at length, she explained in more detail and I agreed to call home and ask my Daughter to check the mail. I had received a letter too, it was legitimate and I was informed that a relative of mine, a second cousin (who I had never met and knew nothing about) had passed away. We had been traced as the nearest relatives in the absence of our late Father who had passed away. The timing could not have been more apt for these events to unfold as I was learning all about wills and probate as part of my legal studies at University.

The local authority had reached out and instructed the heir hunting company to trace surviving blood relatives in order to begin the process of settling affairs. I found this exceptionally sad as they needed written permission from a relative in order to proceed. I felt hollow, where was everyone else? Were we really the only surviving relatives of a man we'd never met and how had this happened? Had my Father still been alive it would have been down to him as first cousin, I quickly realised it would be down to us to help move things forwards.

Fast forward a number of conversations with the people handling matters, it came to light that not only had my cousin passed away, but his funeral had already taken place too. Worse than that, there was nobody there to say a final farewell to him, there wasn't even an order of service. This felt unconscionable to me and there are no words that could adequately describe the sadness I felt how on earth could this happen? I wrestled with all kinds of emotions disbelief, sadness, even anger. I was determined that in the fullness of time my Sister and I would at least ensure he would have the memorial that he deserved. That we would honour his life and bid him a hello and a final farewell.

We now have a greater understanding of how this sorry state of affairs was able to happen and it was something that sadly extended beyond anyone's real control. My late Grandfather had passed away when my Father was just eighteen years of age. Before long, my Grandmother gradually drifted apart from his side of the family and they eventually lost touch. It was nobody's fault, it just happened that way.

I spent a lot of time mulling over how different the outcome might have been had our families not drifted apart. How we could have perhaps ensured that my late cousins closing chapter ought to and could have been so much better. I began to think about the things I might say during a memorial for him. Would we have photographs of him with my late Father when they were children, could include in some kind of lasting tribute to them both? Did he have a favourite colour, what music did he like, did he support a football team? I had so many questions my mind was constantly in overdrive. This went on for weeks and weeks and then something else began to happen. Every time I thought about the hopelessness of not being able to answer all of these questions myself I countered the negativity with "I can make a difference!".

I thought more and more about how I could could make the entire situation better and bring respectful closure when the time came. There would be time to piece together a jigsaw using all the information we could find meaning we could create a fitting tribute which would honour the life the cousin we'd sadly never known.

Time ticked by and then quite out of the blue a long standing friend of mine passed away suddenly and without warning it was an almighty shock. Unable to make the trip down to Cornwall I watched the webcast of her funeral service, privately at home. It was one of the most beautiful and moving celebrations of a persons life I had ever shared. Everything about it was perfect and so fitting. When the service drew to a close, as sad as I felt I just knew that I'd reflect on the memories of all I'd just seen, heard and felt forever. I felt comforted and confident that wherever she had gone to, all would be well and she would live on in my heart an mind. It reminded me of a saying, "They can never take your thoughts away", and it's so true. I didn't quite realise it at the time but this was a pivotal moment for me and has undoubtedly had an influence over my direction of personal development and professional travel.

I now realised that becoming a Modern Celebrant was, put simply something not only did I want to do, I just had to do it. Working out how I could fit this in around a new role (whenever it finally happened) my studies, family life and everything in between, well it seemed like too great a task at the time. This did nothing to reduce my curiosity and enthusiasm, quite the opposite in fact.

Following yet more frustration and disappointment in my hunt for a new role, I researched more and more about becoming a Modern Celebrant. The more I thought about the idea the more I found myself saying, "what is stopping me?"and the honest answer was, nothing! Every day that ticked by was put simply a missed opportunity. An opportunity to make a difference and do something deeply rewarding and meaningful. I was the raw material, everything I really needed was going to come from me, my head, my heart and then my voice.

I researched what I might need to do, training, did I need to register, did I need a license and so on? I knew exactly what was required in a business sense as this is my field of expertise so I was far from concerned about that. It didn't take me long to decide that 'official training' from an academy or such was definitely not for me and was not something I'd be pursuing. Why? because I didn't want to feel like a clone and couldn't believe something that felt so natural to me was anything I needed to spend months being taught. Instead I opted to complete a Diploma independently believing that would at least provide a credential and some validation of what I already believed to be true.

And so it began, my new beginning. Doors were not opening for me so I grabbed a piece of chalk and drew my own door. That door has opened and I haven't looked back, why? Because I'm not travelling in that direction. My next role will be something that allows me to continue to embrace my life as a Modern Celebrant not one that expects me to shelve it. My next role will be meaningful and better aligned with my personal values and principals, it will be ethical. It will allow me to do what I do best, communicate, bring value, give back, nurture and collaborate, all things that are so important to me. I have worked in some extremely pressured environments and that is not for me any more. Of course that is not to say I don't love a challenge!

So the key take away for me, I have learned some valuable lessons over recent months. Growth and transformation is not always obvious, sometimes it sneaks up on you when you least expect it and you don't always see it for what it is at the time. Every generic "Thank You for your recent application, however you have not been selected on this occasion......" has been essential as without it I'd maybe kept my Modern Celebrant dream on the shelf, out of sight and out of reach.

If you would like to learn more about becoming a Modern Celebrant, I'd be happy to tell you more about my journey, what are you waiting for?

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