LET'S STOP THE HATE AND BULLYING

Let's Stop The Hate and Bullying

My thought for this week is about a topic I wrote about before and it has raised its ugly head once again and is something very specific, an epidemic that has been striking at young people and adults alike at an alarming rate. It is, "Bullying and Hate speech" and it is rife now on all forms of social media and in our world. Like me you probably grew up and were taught, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” But I want to tell you that it’s not true. I broke plenty of bones playing football and hurling and I’ve been teased, mocked and at times bullied. And I can tell you firsthand, the wounds of a broken body heal far more quickly and more cleanly than the damage words or bullying or hate speech can cause. Words matter. Words have weight, they can wound, they can divide, they can destroy, and they can even bring death. Bullying and hate speech is evil, because it strips another person of his or her worth and dignity. Let's stop being horrible to one another. If we must disagree on issues of the day let's try to do it in a respectful manner. Sometimes not easy I know, but what we pass off as an off the cuff remark or insult can have a profound effect on those at the receiving end and on their families and friends.

We must and have to teach our communities that it is not ok to make fun of others for any reason no matter who or what they are. It's not ok to laugh or bully any person because he or she might be different. It has a deep and lasting effect on those been targeted. Why are we not teaching our children and each other and indeed members of the media how wrong it is to target others for being different, why are so many people taking to social media to promote their racist and bigoted views and then expressing shock when their own target and abuse those they consider to be different. How many deaths will it take before we start to seriously tackle the bullying and hate speech epidemic that infest our country and our world. Many other people and indeed many youngsters live in despair every waking day as a result of this barbarism, and many also take their own life to escape their tormentors. There are so many of us battling so hard for equality and to make acceptance of difference the norm but we all need to fight this battle for one another and for those most in need in our country and to make our world a safer place to live in. Every parent needs to talk to their children about acceptance, safety, equality, right and wrong and diversity and every adult needs to talk to one another about it also. Be kind. Above all else. Be kind. For life is precious and people are so fragile. Our health is wealth and our mental health is our ultimate health. Please let us all be a million times kinder to ourselves and each other in every possible way. None of us know what another person is dealing with daily. Be kind ALWAYS. It’s all good sharing helpline numbers and saying “it’s ok to not be ok” in response to the many suicides that have taken place over the last number of years. But if we really want to help prevent suicide, depression and self-harm, we should stop being such arseholes to each other and try to be better people online and in real life.

Leave Footprints of Kindness

As the saying goes, “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart." The fruit of all true life practices is kindness, kindness to others and also to ourselves. It is easy to speak and read about kindness, it is another to make it into your flesh and bones. In most cases, kindness is not beyond any of us because it usually costs no money. It may take the sacrifice of time and energy. It may require the discipline to be thoughtful of others needs and to make the effort to act. How much is required to cultivate smiling rather than frowning, to pay a visit, to say a word of encouragement or comfort, to show friendliness by warmly and sincerely shaking hands or giving a hug to someone? The consequences of kindness are incalculable, for such a spirit can ripple out to touch the lives of those far removed from the original act. Kindness sows the seeds that can only bear good fruit. Kindness should begin with our family and close friends. Ironically and tragically, many people display their most unkind behavior with the ones they should love the most. Kindness is not a selfish attempt to get something for ourselves. It is a show of mercy and love to other human beings with no thought of reward. May we all develop the same type of love and kindness God has for us. Remember as Scott Adams once said, "there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end." Can you imagine a world where no one gave to each other? Where we all just looked after our own needs and ignored everyone else’s? This would surely be a miserable place to live, for ultimately, whether spontaneous or planned, we cannot be happy without being kind, by giving, loving and caring for each other. Acts of kindness are essential to our well-being, as they liberate us from self-obsession, selfishness, and isolation. They are the effect of an open and loving nature. True generosity is giving without expectation, with no need to be repaid in any form. This is the most powerful act of generosity, as it is unconditional, unattached, and free to land wherever it will. Whether we give to our family, friends, or strangers, it is the same. We may feel we have little to offer, but whether it is a few pennies or a whole bankroll, a cup of tea or a banquet is irrelevant. It is the act of giving itself that is important. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Almost anything kind we do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that we do it." Acts of kindness makes us feel good, valuable and alive. Think about the last time you went out of your way to be kind to someone. Didn’t it make your day too? Many people extend kindness as part of their good nature, but what if we made a more conscious effort to be even kinder by practicing kindness regularly? We will be spreading good feelings and making a difference that has a lasting, ripple effect and undoubtedly changing the world. Practice kindness while expecting nothing in return except the good feelings that these acts provide is life-giving and can also be life-saving.

Personal experience gives me a perspective on the wounds that bullying, abuse and hate speech leaves behind especially from school days and the workplace. They are raw and painful, and while the pain sometimes decreases with time, they permanently alter one’s psychological make-up, much as a disfiguring cut or abrasion does to one’s physical skin. I grieve deeply for those youngsters . and . people who have taken their own lives because they either believed the things that their bullies said about them, or they simply couldn’t live with the thought that other people believed them. As the saying goes, "Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important, only you know what is best for you. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to that as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life." As usual a story from my Nana Scully's prayer book might help.

Burnt Toast

“When I was about eight or nine, my mammy burnt some toast .One night that stood out in my mind, is when she had made dinner for us after a very long and rough day at work, She placed a plate of jam and extremely burnt toast in front of my Dad. Not slightly burnt but completely blackened toast. I was just waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt toast and would say anything. But Daddy just ate his toast and asked me if I did my homework and how my day was. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologizing to dad for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Lovie, I love burnt toast.” Later that night, I went to tell my dad good night and ask him if he really liked his toast burnt. He put his arm on my shoulder and said, “Your mammy put in a very long day at work today and she was very tired. And besides, A bit of burnt toast never hurt anyone but you know what? Harsh bullying unkind words do!” Then he continued to say “You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people and I’m not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like every other human. What I’ve learned over the years, is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys for creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. Life is too short to wake up with regrets or to bully or say harsh words to anyone no matter who or what they are. Love the people who treat you right and have compassion and kindness towards the ones who don’t.”

Be the best person you can be

Don't let anyone's ignorance, hate, drama or negativity stop you from being the best person you can be. People who hate you are just your confused. There are many in this world that are ignorant, and from this ignorance are full of hate, drama and negativity. Never let someone rain on your parade just because things in their lives aren't as they want them to be. Instead use the light inside of you, the positive force that is moving forward, to help brighten someone's dark world. Bullying is a very real, very common and at present an epidemic problem. It’s not a problem that is local to any one place, but is global. It’s everywhere from schools and offices to sports fields to churches and anywhere you look. Cyber-bullying nowadays is rampant and even though our children might be able to turn off the phone, or a computer, the hate is still there when they power up again. So hear these words of grace, there is nothing, nothing in life, nothing in death, not even suicide, nothing that can separate us from the love of God. Our God is a loving and gracious God, even and especially to those who have come to such a dark and lightless place that they consider ending their own lives. God’s grace is big enough for us all. There is nothing that God cannot forgive. If you find yourself in that dark night, with no hope, overcome by despair, contemplating ending your life, please, please, wait. It gets better. It really does. I can tell you firsthand, as someone who has struggled with depression, that the darkness does not last forever. There is light on the other side. And please don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Look around you. You are not alone. There are lots of great organisations out there that can help you and be there for you. It is time for all of us to start saving lives. It’s time for all of us to stand up for those who have had to stand alone for far too long. It is time for all of us to speak up for those who do not have a voice. It is time for all of us to reclaim the power of healing words, to speak life, to speak hope and to raise our children to do the same. It’s not enough to teach our children how to cope with the teasing and bullying they receive; we need to challenge them to stand up for, to stand beside, others, to take the risk of befriending or defending the outcasts, the awkward, the lonely, the scrawny, the smelly, the foreign and the strange. And we need to model it in our own lives too. We need to stop laughing at another’s expense, to stand together and say: Bullying is not okay, and we are not going to be silent any more. All that is needed for evil to triumph in the world, is for good men and women to stay silent and refuse to act. We’ve been silent for too long. We have to do something. We have to act as though we truly believe that each and every person is of sacred worth. And that means we might have to be willing to be a little uncomfortable ourselves, but that is a small price to pay to save a life. It’s time to take our words and our actions seriously. It’s time to stand up and preach the gospel, the true gospel, not the angry hate-filled gospel that makes the headlines, not the gospel of judgment and condemnation, but the gospel that says, “God so loved the world…” and God still loves today. We can make a difference. We can save a life. We can’t afford to do any less.  Everyone has good days and bad days, you never know what anyone is experiencing and it takes nothing to be gentle and kind. Bullying and hate speech are abhorrent, yet we buy into it in so many ways when we give space to the media, social media, gossip and the trolls. We need to take a good hard look at where we place our values, our views, our likes and our money because as long as we're giving these stories space, we are giving them a reason to keep posting and they'll just keep on bullying and . saying hateful and very hurtful things. All my thoughts are with everyone affected by these tragedies. We can be absolutely anything in this life so why not make that been kind? RIP to all those who couldn’t go on and ended their lives and to their family and . real friends who are left behind to pick up the pieces and to wonder what it is all about. In Life make it your goal and habit to be actively looking for opportunities to show kindness to one another and to others when it is possible and needed. Practice genuine kindness as much as you can in your daily life and ‘plant flowers’ and 'warm people's hearts' wherever you can! Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind. No act of kindness is ever wasted. And always remember that compassion has no limit and kindness has no enemy. In a world where you can be anything, Be kind!!

As a final thought, never underestimate the power of your words and actions! Always as much as possible try to use them for the good and well being of others! A prayer I always say from my Nana Scully's prayer book goes as follows, "Heavenly Father, those who bully others in manipulative or overt ways, and use their power in school, in work or family situations, to oppress and to deliver injustice to others, are responsible for needles stress and misery in others' lives. Lord please protect children, teens, adults and the elderly from bullying. Guard them from others manipulation and dominance that cause difficulties and anxiety in relationships, in physical and mental health. Ensure that children, students, adults and the elderly find protection from the oppression and bullying of any other child or teen, or any adult. Help them to flourish in Your grace, to develop their full human and spiritual potential without the crippling effects of anyone's injustice or betrayal. Protect children, teens and adults from criticism and bullying that crushes self worth as a child of God, and that creates fear and destroys the trust that should help honest sharing of issues, of mistakes, of facts, of feelings, of conscience, and can remain to affect the person's life even in their absence. Please protect children, teens and adults from intellectual and spiritual bullying and domination by judgment of others and their motives, by persons who act and judge as if they themselves are more perfect and valuable than others; whilst ignoring the value and welfare of others, and threatening their lives. Please protect those in the workplace from overbearing and unjust employers or supervisors who treat others as inferiors. Please also protect innocents from unjust charges and resulting from others manipulation of the truth. Whatever kind of bullying occurs, it is a serious offense against others, Father we bring to You each person who is oppressed, who is treated unjustly and overlooked unfairly, and each person who is judged by others as being less valuable, less worthy, and to be degraded, abused and ignored. Father, take each of these persons into Your heart, and give them Strength, Peace, and Justice. Father please convert the offenders and give them just Humility and Respect of others. Father, I thank you that even though at times I might be troubled and oppressed, I am never crushed. Even though I sometimes may get embarrassed and be faced with tough situations, even though it seems as if I am unable to find my way out, I will never despair. Even though I may be disliked, bullied, called names, and persecuted, I know You will never leave me nor forsake me. You will never desert me to stand alone. Even though I may be struck down to the ground, I will never be struck out or destroyed. I will never give in, give up, or quit. You are with me, You are for me, and You are in me—so I always win. You said that in this world life might get tough but to be of good cheer because You have overcome this world. Thank You for your words of wisdom, “I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” You said that the righteous, would have many times when life would get hard, but You would deliver us out of them all. Thank you Lord, for delivering me. Amen."