Let’s soften the edges of our beliefs, values and principles

We all know that conflict often arises because of the stark contrasts in world views. These clashes of belief systems often get awakened and heightened from time to time when there is significant turmoil and fear. We have seen a lot of this lately.

So what world views and belief systems are we talking about? Well it’s just about anything really. Anything where individuals, groups, or organisations have rigid boundaries to what they believe is right or wrong, good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable. The examples are endless but some of the more obvious ones include political affiliation, religion, cultural groupings, race stereotypes, how we raise our children ..anything where the mind-set is binary with no room in-between.

Looking at some recent examples: We saw this type of rigid minded in the USA’s political landscape during the election process. We are seeing people taking the pandemic seriously and others saying it is a hoax and nothing but the flu. Some people are either strongly pro-vaccines or strongly anti-vaccines. Israel vs Palestine supporters … and there are many more current examples.

There is nothing wrong with having clear value systems and living by them, however this does not necessarily mean that our beliefs are more right than someone else’s. If the edges to our principles and beliefs are so rigid with very high boundaries walls, we will stagnate in terms of our personal growth and our contribution to the world as a whole. We grow much more and feel a far greater sense of purpose when we expose ourselves to what we don’t know and to what we fear.

You may say “So what!! I am happy to stick with my kind of people”. The reality is that we are seeing more and more evidence that the greatest accomplishments, the most creative thinking and the most rewarding outcomes come from groups that are highly diversified. Not just diversified in terms of race and gender but also class, religion, language, backgrounds, educational levels, physical/mental ability and those who have had relatively easy lives working together with those who have suffered greatly. It is the bringing together of difference that results in the magic, provided there is a level of openness and curiosity.

One of my teachers, a yoga teacher named Bernie Clark, says “always is always wrong and never is never right”. Basically I interpret his message as “let’s let go of “boxing” things, let go of absolutes, let go of binary, let go of rigidity”.

Rigidity of belief systems, values and principles not only creates conflict between people or groups, but it can create inner conflict within us. I have seen plenty of this lately. Coming back to the vaccine example, I have seen how some very strong anti-vaccine individuals have been so torn when loved ones are very ill or have passed. I have felt the inner conflict of people with strong religious beliefs when they intuitively know that parts of what they are being taught or asked to do, just doesn’t feel right. I have seen people who are very deeply affiliated to a political party but don’t know how to express their disappointment with parts of the party’s policies or performance. I see how people struggle with other individuals that they cannot stand to be with because of a certain aspect of this person, despite the fact that there are other aspects that they would potentially appreciate.

It doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong … it doesn’t matter what is deemed good and what is deemed bad. It is about giving yourself permission to soften your edges ... to allow for overlaps and blending of beliefs, values and principles. Allowing the boundaries of our world view to be pores, can create huge relief between individuals and within ourselves. Maybe anti-vaccine and pro-vaccine people can be in both camps a bit. Maybe Israel and Palestine supporters can embrace over the commonality of their views, even if it’s just a small part.

More important are the long-term benefits of softening our edges. We need to find ways to integrate … to care for all beings regardless of their belief systems. We need to soften our belief system edges so we can hear the wisdom of others rather than just hearing our own stuck records.

However this is a lot easier said than done and perhaps this is partly why people choose to stay where they are. It is not easy to take a step outside of our comfort zones … outside of what we think we know. But it is something that we can work on … taking baby steps. I am now constantly on the lookout for my rigid beliefs and when I notice one I try to do two things:

1) Ask myself why I may have such a strong view. Sometimes this alone is enough to let it go completely or a bit, because I realise that actually it’s not my belief in the first place. Maybe I had adopted it because of the geography of my upbringing or the family I was born into.

2) I also look at possible plausible alternatives … what other views are out there and could there be parts of these other worldviews that intuitively make sense? Maybe I don’t fully appreciate the context and conditions of the people with contrasting views and this prompts me to find out more. Maybe I realise that time has rendered my original way of thinking obsolete.

Let’s soften our edges of our belief systems, our values and our principles for the sake humanity, for the sake of love and for the sake of our own well-being.

#soften

#mindset