Let's See Fewer Foreign Brave Faces...

With Wuhan Flu World* barely three months old, there are already signs that the novelty is wearing a bit thin for émigré whiteys.

While, say two months back, no-one crossed their threshold goingoutwards without ensuring their surgical mask was snugly and chicly in place, now the non-locals are proudly – if not a little disdainfully – once again brandishing their big noses in supermarket queues and on station platforms.

While many, should they be challenged, would only be too swift to cite some 2005 study by the University of Flyover, West Shitshville, that demonstrates the relative inefficacy of gob-worn gauze when it comes to staving off the Apocalypse, that’s kind of missing the point.

Back in early Jan, we were pretty much All In It Together, with the expressive eyes of locals and importees meeting as they peered out from above mutual sanitary straps, while a wry arch of the eyebrow sardonically said: “Well, what else you gonna do?” in a universal English-Canto silent simulcast.

Now, though, while it’s not fair to say that every foreigner goes facially undraped, it’s pretty much true to concede that every fully visible visage once needed a work visa.

Whether the University of Flyover’s findings apply equally to Covid-19’s brand of contagion or whether it’s the kind of cowardly corona virus that despairs of ever vectoring again at the merest hint of an elasticated ear-strap is irrelevant.

The masks, for the most part, are no longer seen as high-tech hygiene ensurers. Instead, they have become totemic, emblematic even. They say: “I’m taking this outbreak seriously. The fact that I fished this unflattering garment off the shelf on the way out means I’m avoiding risks, I’m washing my hands with a frequency seldom seen among the OCD-free and, no matter how appetising your bat, I shall not be partaking…”

Ironically, given that it was the blasé food preparation practices of Hubei’s most dubious dim sum suppliers that supposedly sparked this particular bit of pestilence, it is now the cavalier anti-infection regime of the pale non-local passport holders that risks stirring the wrath of SARS-haunted Hong Kongers.

Foreigners (and indeed foreignesses), no matter how firm your faith is in the 15-year-old findings of Flyover Uni’s Dept of Armageddonic Outerwear, remember there’s a chance that the little old Hong Kong lady sat next to you on the subway may not be wholly familiar with its output.

Who knows, far from wondering at how well-informed you are, she might just assume you are some arrogant, ignorant cunt intent on putting her life (and her grandchildren’s) at risk out of some form of smug, indolent conceit.

As if that could possibly ever be the case….

*That’s the new post-plague planetary status and not Disneyland’s least-feared challenger brand…