Let's put a face to our worst enemy hiding in our subconscious mind

Let me tell you about one of the most common beliefs that are holding us back in life. It’s a sneaky one, not as well-known as others but often there, lurking in the shadows of our subconscious mind. In its shortest form, it’s called IT'S NOT AVAILABLE. And it’s a sneaky one because so many times we don’t question this invisible glass ceiling that this belief is putting for us. We just take for granted beliefs like “I can’t be truly successful in life” “I can’t have that kind of amazing relationships that others have” or “I can’t heal and grow as others do”. We think and see all this good stuff that’s happening in the lives of others: the amazing job that our pal Pete just started, all the money that our cousin Catherine is making on her own business, the amazing relationship that our friend Francesca is having with her spouse, but we never imagine that we could have something like that or better. Because stuff like that is just for Them. ???Never? ?For?? ?Us.? ?So we just normalize living okay-ish life, never questioning really, or letting ourselves dream about an Amazing life. Because that stuff is just not for us.

BUT, you might be thinking to yourself right now, isn’t that just how things are? Shouldn’t we be realistic about how life is and learn to appreciate what we have instead of always wanting more?

Yes and No. Learning to appreciate the things we already have is a true source of well-being. But that doesn’t mean we cannot aim for something better in life, to grow as people and create an even better life for us. I would say this is what life is all about – growth in all senses. And being grateful for what we have WHILE STILL actively working to get to the next level of well-being is perfectly possible. These two things can co-exist in sweet harmony, and in fact, already do so for many people on this planet.

The truth is that the world is changing, and it’s changing in turbo speed. The world that we grew up in, or even more, the world our parents grew up in, which formed them, and the beliefs that they then passed on to us throughout our childhood, JUST DOESN’T EXIST ANYMORE. Just a few generations back, most people indeed, just had to be happy to have food on the table and some more or less stable income and okay health. This is not the case anymore. The world has never been richer material-wise speaking, and seriously, in most countries in Europe, we don’t have to fear going hungry. We have never been as rich and comfortable material-wise, and in reality, the possibilities that are out there are just endless. For example, let’s just look at job opportunities. From Youtuber to Travel Blogger, to Interior Designer, To Meditation Guru, Fitness Coach, you name it. In fact, for any kind of job you could ever think of, I’m sure someone else out there is making a great living out of it. And traveling and moving country has never been easier. Cheap flight tickets are just a click away. And learning had also never been easier. We have the internet full of knowledge, free online courses, and mostly very accessible universities. ?So, opportunities in terms of learning, working, and traveling are just endless (to name a few of the things available to us out there).

Still, many people end up having a similar lifestyle and level of wellbeing as their parents, and the number of people that are unhappy at work, and generally not satisfied in life is just HUGE. And why is this? Why don’t we fully benefit from all the things out there? Why don’t we all wake up every morning full of energy and looking forward to taking our life to the next level? Because we simply never believe that there’s something better for us out there. We never let ourselves DREAM. For the fear of dreams not come true. So why is it like that? Why do we have these invisible glass ceilings that are blocking us without us even knowing it? Where does this sneaky belief of IT’S NOT AVAILABLE come from?

Well, it all comes down to our childhood, to those important years when our whole belief system was forming. And what we experienced then. When we first came to this planet as small babies, blank sheets, expecting the world to love and nurture us in every way. Did the people care for our needs, feed us when we were hungry, cuddle us when we needed connection and closeness, and love us unconditionally? Or did our parents teach us to expect that our needs would not be met? That mum was not always available when we needed her, cried out for her? How many of us have not experienced crying in bed for someone to come to comfort us, and that someone never came? ?Or that love was not always available, that in our most difficult moments when we had done something bad and shameful, love was taken away from us. That love was conditioned on our good behavior and not always available. Or that Mum and Dad were just too busy to listen and see us (oh if I had a dime for every time this came up in therapy). Little by little, experience by experience, we came to expect and believe that the things we needed (unconditional love, deep connection with others, attention, and so on) were just not available to us. It might be available to others, our friends or siblings, the neighbor girl, but not to us.

Fast forward 30, 40, 50 years, and if we haven’t done the inner work necessary, we will still be stuck in that same belief system we acquired as young children. Not expecting true happiness to be available to us. How could our needs of having a life full of meaning, of a job that we are passionate about, of relationships full of love, or even of self-acceptance and self-love, be fulfilled, if we never believe they can? If we set ourselves up for mediocre, for ok-ish, good enough, without even letting ourselves dream of something more? And if we do dream, in most cases these dreams will be self-sabotaged. So, we might take training in something, follow some self-help course, start to write a book, or even start our own company, but self-sabotaging ourselves into failure, even though we see plenty of people around us who do succeed. ?And so the belief that it’s not available is reinforced and the cycle is closed.

Now what we need to do, is to break the negative circle and install new beliefs. Beliefs that will support us, make us optimistic, and give us energy, and that will thus give us a much more positive outcome. And as easy as that, we’re in a positive circle instead, that propels us upwards, breaking all kinds of ceilings and taking us to unexpected levels of well-being and happiness. Yes, it is as simple as it sounds. For sure, there’s work to be done in therapy, but results will come and often quicker than we expect. And, it’s not a mystery, when we believe we can, we set ourselves up for success, and do not give up until we get there. All while enjoying the ride.

And as always, the first step is starting to gain awareness that we have a problem. And if you’re reading the post….well there you go! ?(Yes, you are here for a reason!)

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