Let's not let the 'lurkers' win

This morning I was robbed. Not robbed of anything physical, something of far more value.

My day started beautifully. I have a day off from work. It's a beautiful Adelaide Autumn day. With my Saturday golfing partner injured, I chose to play by myself this morning. I love a very early tee time. I find joy in the crisp morning air, the dew on the fairway, seeing the line of the ball in the frost of the green, the song of the magpies that seem to herald my arrival on each hole. This morning I was amongst the first on the course, no one close ahead of me or behind. Perfect.

The sun coming up over the 6th was beautiful, long shadows being replaced with golden light. As I played I was thinking about golf and business and how a beginner's mindset is valuable in both, but not often acknowledged, and generally enjoying my game and the morning.

At the end of the 9th, a fellow solo player approached me, asked me how I was, then warned me that "there is a bloke lurking on the left-hand side of the 10th, I don't know what he's doing, but call out if you need help".

I approached the 10th with caution, telling myself "go straight", of course I went a little left. Grateful for my electric buggy, I carried a club in my hand, just in case. I kept looking around. I rushed my putting because I was scared the lurker would come up behind me. This 'lurker' had robbed me of my sense of physical security and my enjoyment of the morning. ?My heart was racing. My watch shows my heart rate increased from 72 to 128. The trees, which Id' been enjoying for the shadows they cast, the autumn leaves, the birds they encouraged, now became something to fear.

As I putted out on the 13th, a cart drove up to the start of the 14th, stopping between some bushes. The person wasn't playing golf, had no golf gear. It didn't look like a club cart. He just sat there. I don't know if he was the lurker, but I was afraid to go to the 14th. I watched and waited. He didn't move. I called my husband to tell him what was going on and where I was, "just in case" The cart moved on when I made the call. The lurker probably wasn't in that cart, it may well have been someone from the club who'd been alerted to the lurker. Then I got angry. No longer afraid. Angry. I was pissed off that my sense of freedom, safety and enjoyment was being challenged.

Today's incident triggered memories from 30 years ago, not that Id' forgotten the memories, I’d just filed them away.

1984, I was a young woman in ?the first week of my first job, walking down Rundle Mall towards my office on King William Street. A man leaning against a wall ?called out to ?me, I didn't hear what he said, so I moved closer and said "beg your pardon". He said, "can you tell me the time?" As I reached to look at my watch, he grabbed my other hand, puling it towards him. Sensing where my hand was going, I balled it into a fist. It was only my knuckles that felt his erect penis.

I pulled away, and ran. I reported it ?to the Police. Months later I was asked to identify him and was pleased to know he'd been caught and charged. I was grateful that an unknown passer-by had also witnessed the incident and reported ?it. ?He was up on many charges of indecent assault.

Months later, still 18, I was a victim of date-rape. I was young, naive, he was five years older. I didn't report that. I was ashamed. I was scared that I wouldn't be believed because I had willingly gone out with him. And I didn't want my parents to know the awful things that happened. Very few people know, now many will. I share these deeply personal and very private events not to add to the “me too" or for comment or support; I have long recovered. I share them because thirty years on, NOTHING has changed. Gendered violence continues and it makes me so fucking angry. I am distraught that 33 women this year have lost their lives, mostly to men who once apparently loved them.?My experiences were with strangers and I do not compare random events to a lived experience of domestic violence.?They were however, very gendered attacks, and the potential threat of someone lurking in the bushes on the golf course reminded me of how often women need to be alert to their surroundings and have a plan, just in case.

I am grateful to the man who alerted me today to the "lurker". I’m very grateful that I probably didn't come across the "lurker", but I’m ?angry that my beautiful morning became fearful. As I finished the 14th and walked to the 15th, I relaxed. There were now players on the adjacent holes. I felt safe. I noticed I was no longer carrying a club as I walked, that I was again hearing the lorikeets and magpies. The 'lurker' might have won some of the morning, but I feel like the winner now. I will be a little more vigilant, but I won't give up my early morning tee off.