Let's Keep Talking Mental Health
Mental Health Month in May. Let's keep talking about it long after May is a wrap. This month was my friend's birthday. It's the month of Mother's Day. This month is full of melancholy for me. I almost didn't put my thoughts for public consumption because.... well... they're personal and not without tears and pain. While she was my friend and mentor, she belongs more to the children she loved tremendously and the family and personal friends who grieve her. You won't see me post pictures of her anywhere or even write her name here. Some things just aren't mine to share with the world.
I love to remember my friend by putting on this old sweater she gave me (I’m sentimental like that) having sushi, getting a pedicure (both things she introduced me to) and doing something nice for a stranger. She took me under her wing. Meetings, work clothes shopping, how to convince an underwriter, lunch conversations about all the things . . . I love to share the story about how she came to work one day with "a few work things she found in her closet" to help bolster my professional image and my confidence. Make no mistake, we weren't the same size. Without a doubt, she went shopping and bought me a few staples. That's who she was. Knowing her changed my life.
She never said a bad word about anyone. She exceeded her sales goals and still made it to book club. She kept a work calendar and a personal calendar, full of commitments. She rocked her fast-paced job in high heels and the cutest suits. I was convinced she had it all and wanted to be just like her. Maybe that’s why when I saw her last she didn’t tell me things weren’t good. When she asked me how I did it (my job and two kids by myself), it never occurred to me that she could be looking for my ear or advice. It didn’t occur to me that she didn’t have it all together. Later that year I was at her funeral. Dumbfounded. We all were. I hate suicide. It's the ultimate liar and thief that destroys everything in it's wake. Being her friend changed my life and my life changed again when she died. I have a long list of "what ifs". It took me a long time to forgive myself for not calling her back that last time. That little voice inside told me something wasn't right but I got busy. I don't do that anymore.
That's also why when someone at work or otherwise asks me how I am, I'll never say it's great if it's not. I'll gladly tell you, I don't have it all together. I will also ask you how you are and hope you feel safe enough to tell me the truth. The truth weakens the lie that you're all alone and no one cares. This month, I honor her by sharing a piece of this and encouraging all of us to keep talking about these uncomfortable, hard things. Let's not just talk about it either but be a safe person for others to share their truth, be loved and find help.
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The world was better with her in it. The world is better with you in it.
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, Lifeline is available 24/7 1-800-273-8255
I love the resources and talking guides from Bethe1to and I hope you will too: https://www.bethe1to.com/bethe1to-steps-evidence/
Self-Funding | TPA | Health Plan Customization and Flexibility
2 年Wow Danielle, I'm sure this took a lot of courage to write and brought up a lot of emotions. It's very clear how much this person meant to you and how important it is for all of us to be present, accessible and curious if we sense something isn't right. Thank you for sharing your story and helping us all pause.
Workforce Evangelist, International Speaker, Author, Entrepreneur & All-Around Good Guy
2 年Thanks for bringing this out Danielle Huston. It is such a big deal that we need to keep on everyone's minds. Things are not getting any easier for our employees. Not even in the slightest. Supporting them is critical.
Partner Channel | Mental Health Advocate | RYT 200 | EBPA Board Member
2 年This is beautifully written Danielle, thank you so much for sharing. It's sensitive, and personal, and so incredibly important. Far more worthy of attention than a month of recognition and hashtags. If this week didn't highlight that, I don't know what will. It's my passion, and clearly important to you - so I'll keep shouting it from the mountain tops and I know you will too.
Manager, People and Culture Business Partner
2 年Thank you for your very moving story of your friend, Danielle. While we can't change what we did or didn't do, we can handle things differently the next time. I will be posting an article by Harvard Business Review, "How to Be a Mental Health Ally" shortly. It provides excellent examples of how we all can support colleagues that are struggling with mental health challenges, so they can thrive and feel they are valued.