Let’s hear it from the Good Guys

In my 15 years in Human Resources I have dealt with cases of sexual harassment and I have seen different faces of sexism. I have also seen the negative results sexism has on business. To make their strategy come to life, employers are constantly trying wrestle talent out of each other’s claws. And when it comes to leadership roles, we are fishing in a smaller pond than we have to. One where half the talent is somehow missing. We also see homogenous executive teams who share the same blind spot. Their decisions become unnecessarily risky yet no less impactful.

For the past few weeks, sexual harassment has been a topic of public debate in Denmark. It’s a veritable second wave of #metoo with public figures sharing their stories and hundreds of women stepping forward to support. One important point however seems to go unaddressed: Sexual harassment and sexism are not the same. No one can disagree sexual harassment should end. But harassment is merely a subfunction of sexism.

Sexual harassment in the workplace is an issue that has affected many if not most women at some point in their careers. The opposite point however is not true. Most men have not and will not commit sexual harassment. If one perpetrator impacts many women over the course of their career, they will have more male peers who never do. With that in mind, the debate resonates differently with different groups:

1.   Females affected

2.   Females unaffected

3.   Males who are guilty

4.   Males who are not guilty

Group one can relate to the debate and will likely be supportive, actively or passively. Group two is on the fence. Group three are the issue, they may be defensive and fight to maintain status quo. Group four is the target audience, they are the ones who can provide break-through change. The Good Guys. But because we put an equation mark between sexism and sexual harassment, we risk alienating these most important stakeholders.

If I put myself in group four’s shoes, I would think this debate does not concern me. And by the way please don’t label me the same as those few rotten apples. If group four readers think, “I haven’t witnessed any sexual harassment so that must mean there no sexism where I work”, then we have wasted a real opportunity for change.

Sexism is much broader, has many more consequences and it can be treacherously subtle. Everyday ingrained sexism is what keeps gender equality in a strangehold. And the big difference is that we are all affected by it and we are all guilty of it.

Here are a few examples of how it can play out: It’s asking only female talents how many kids they have. It’s nicknaming female professionals Pretty. It’s the company offsite with skinny-dipping. It’s the beer-fueled mid-week team dinner. It’s the derogatory jokes about The Wives. At home, it’s the uneven distribution of chores that renders it impossible to prepare that crucial powerpoint after hours.

Whatever group four does, they must absolutely not be passive. For their silence is the seal of approval to, the much smaller, group three.

If you’re reading this, or hash-tagging #NotAllMen I’m guessing you are, or know, one of the Good Guys. Now is the time for you to shift from passive to active. You’re not expected to implode your career in a massive office-showdown with the boss. Tiny actions are enough to start a snowball effect. It could be as manageable as commenting on this article “this topic is important”. Or next time you hear an inappropriate joke in the office saying “that doesn’t sound like a joke of 2020”. Even small alternatives to silent acceptance triggers change.

There are other benefits than just brownie points in moving from passive to active. By being first mover to abandon dated ways, you will be part of shaping the new way, the leadership of the future - how cool is that?

I ask you to do two things:

1)   Be vocal. Don’t be quiet when you witness sexism, subtle or overt. Let your view be known. You might worry you’ll say the wrong thing, so start small. And be brave.

2)   Look again. Check your own biaises. Ask for feedback on you. No need to feel guilty, we are all born into the same system and unconsciously repeat harmful behaviours, undersigned included.

Or, if you prefer, we can continue to waste talent and make haphazard decisions based on homogenous views.