Let's have a chat is it .... Mam edition

Time

“Hi Mam, what are you up to today?”

“Being and doing son just being and doing……”

“Mam you always say that and I have no idea what you are talking about ...being where and doing what?”

“The trouble with you is that you have too many thoughts in that head of yours ...no space or time to slow down…. by being I mean being me ...taking the time to recognise myself and as for doing .. doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done.” She said with a smile.

“Now your starting to sounds like Dad and his Phsyco-babble….” I groaned.

“No Phsyco-babble here son but I could do with a hand over here?”

“Sorry Mam, I just haven’t got the time… I need to decide the agenda for the next leadership meeting, review the deck for the next client pitch, set objectives for the team …. and that’s all before I start wading through my emails .. you see Mam I just don’t have enough time to get it all done but the good news is that I have found a great book on time management so as soon as I can find the time I’ll read it … it appears to have a great system for making more time…”

“Oh My God can you hear yourself ?" she chuckled …. “ you don’t have the time to make good use of time, you are stressed and you believe you can make more time...I wondered what use you would make of that extra time? If you're in this state, not a lot I would imagine. Now you are clever but trust me son you can make money, you can make food, you can make lots of things but no one can make more time!”

“Mam if it was just down to me I would make the time to do lots of things but my time isn’t my own, my manager wants my time, my team what’s my time the clients want my time”

“So work 24 hours a day then” she said.

“Mam that would be unreasonable”

“So do YOU decide what amount of time is reasonable at work?’

“I guess I do but it doesn’t feel like it’s my decision”         

“It doesn’t FEEL like your decision because of your thinking …. you’re letting it run the show, giving you the feeling of having no choice or power. As your Dad always says it's your thinking that creates 100% of your experience.”

“Ah ha see Phyco-babble!” I exclaimed.

“No son, just common sense…. you know that it’s your thinking that creates your experience not external circumstances like managers, clients etc. So that tells me that your experience of time is created inside you. Now if you find yourself under pressure and thinking that your circumstances are doing it to you, the moment you remember how your mind actually works you can stop, take a break and once back in balance you will see what is needed and where best to put your efforts. Other people, project deadlines do not have the power to throw you off balance and once you realise this, you will find yourself more skilful at saying NO to things and being clear when you are asked to do more than is realistic.”

 Again I didn’t get all of what she said but it came over with such certainty that her words were hard to ignore.

“Your Dad and I are always telling you to slow down and why? When you clear your head of all the noise and panic you have a better chance of getting real insights which will help with identifying the right priorities and show ways of simplifying your efforts.”

“Also your over active mind keeps dividing time into past, present and future.. and the present moment gets lost between reliving memories of the past and an absorbingly important future and you know by now that all we have is the present moment!”

“Now Mam my ability to remember the past and learn from it, as well as plan for the future gives me the edge enabling me to survive and adapt to life in the concrete jungle!”

“Concrete Jungle … which film did you get that from? Now of course it’s good to learn and plan but not to be obsessed and to lose sight of the present moment…. in reality the past and the future are only alive in your mind...you use memories to worry about the past and your imagination to stress over a future that doesn’t and might never exist. Believe me son nothing that has ever been said, done or experienced has happened outside the present moment”

“Mam, with all this to remember I’ll never get anything done … I still need more time!”

“Ok let’s look at this another way” she said with a sigh. How about 2 types of time … clocktime .. which is chronological that you can use for planning and setting goals etc…. and let’s call it “in your headtime!” Where you spend time lost in the past or the future. When lost in headtime life is no longer an exciting fulfilling adventure just an obsessive need to prepare, arrive, attain and succeed… where would you rather be?”

“Can I have both?”

“Well it’s clear to me that you have both and that’s part of the problem .. If you understand that your experience of headtime is created in your mind from the inside out then perspective and insights will become the keys to organising your time and prioritising what needs to be done. With an inside -> out understanding of thought you can live your life with less stress, more productivity and god forbid you might even enjoy life more.”

“Ok so how do I minimise the damage of headtime?’

“That my son is the easy part .. by keeping the past and the future in your peripheral vision while focusing your attention on the present moment …. Now enough talk, come here and give me a cwtch!”

Now cwtch is Welsh for hug and as I held Mam I was so present, so in the moment. I could feel her warmth, hear her heart beating and at that moment time stood still and everything she had said slipped into place … you always have time … especially for a cwtch…..