Let's have a chat ...is it?

“So how was the drive down?” My Dad asked…. 

 “Bloody awful the M4 is just getting worse and to top it off some idiot tried to cut me up by the Severn Bridge and don’t get me started on the guy who was in front of me getting fuel and that was before I realised that I forgot to bring my laptop and I have a big pitch tomorrow and I made such a mess of it the last time the team must think I’m a right moron ...my Boss hates me and if it goes wrong tomorrow I may as well kiss my career goodbye not that it’s much of a career anyway...bla bla bla” I said .. well you get the idea! 

 “Cup of tea?” Asked Dad.... “tea has caffeine, caffeine is a drug … I think I read that somewhere ..yes in that book about Life and how to live it best … loads of great tips on how to be a better salesman and make loads of money..” I said not really listening. to what he was saying....

 “OK son enough “Let’s have a chat ..is it?” As usual those simple words pulled me back into the moment and with a cup of tea in hand we wandered out into the garden. 

 “Now time to breathe, time to slow down, what can you see? What can you smell?” “Dad I’m in the garden with you and I can smell the flowers ..yes actually I can smell the flowers which ones are they?” “Roses” said Dad “my favourite” “Now let’s have that chat, your mind is racing faster than you drove down the M4 which is usually too fast!” “What if I told you that all these stressful and negative experiences came from your thoughts?” “Furthermore we create our own experience of reality moment to moment from those thoughts” “Dad I’d think that your favourite flower is now a poppy and that you are smoking a derivative!”  

 “OK fair point so let’s see if we can find a few examples that might lead to you seeing things differently …. maybe give you an Insight”  

 “ Have you ever gone to bed with something major on your mind, something so important that it keeps you awake?” “ Then in the morning after some sleep it isn’t important anymore?” “Yes sometimes” I replied. “ So what changed in the real world, did all the issues suddenly fix themselves while you slept ...or did nothing change in the real world?” “Ummm well I guess my perception must have changed?” More of a question than a statement I have to say….. 

 “Now close your eyes and imagine Mam’s Apple Pie … the taste, the smell, feeling the pastry crumble on your tongue, the sweet custard!” “Oh yes I can almost taste it Dad” “ Ok so where is that coming from as we have no pie in front of us?” 

 “... and one more for you … when you sit on the train into London and it’s delayed, look around the train … I’m guessing you're stressed, but some people may be relaxed, a couple may be lost in each other’s eyes and so on … same delayed train but so many different trains of thought.” 

 “Hold on Dad you are losing me here are you saying all these things aren’t real they are just thoughts?” “ The train is real, the people are real!” “Of course they are real son but how you experience the event comes via your thoughts” “Sometimes we get tricked into believing that people and things create our experience and they don’t…. our experience is thought taking form in the moment. If we believe money makes us happy why are some very rich people unhappy, you told me that once that when you got that promotion you would be happy … you got it … well done ...but did it really make you happy?” 

 “Ah Ha I get that and I have a book all about how to think positive thoughts so I’ll dig that one out!” 

 “OK, breathe … you and your “Self Improvement Books” … the clue is in the title son they might have improved something for that person i.e. themSELVES at the time but there is no guarantee that those, formula’s, processes or tricks will work for you. You are unique ...or special as your Mam would say .. we are all special, we are all unique as we see and live life via our own individual thoughts. “Now back to you “controlling” your thoughts.. let’s do a little experiment … lets sit here for the next 10 mins and let’s see if we can stop or even control our thoughts…” 

 Needless to say it was impossible … try it if you don’t believe me. 

 “OK Dad you win, but if I can’t stop or control my thoughts and I live in a thought created world that would be a nightmare”  

 “ ….. maybe not son …. the good thing about a thought is that another one is on it’s way … could be a good one could be a bad one but we do know they arrive before you know it ….so no control … but the good news is that it’s up to us how much attention we give these thoughts.” 

 “The guy who you thought cut you up at the bridge … you were still fuming when you got here … you are worrying about a pitch you did weeks ago that you can’t change and you are stressing over a meeting that hasn’t happened yet!” You are feeding these thoughts … they grow and become a problem … they fill your head … and when your head is full of these well fed negative thoughts you miss the moment and son in life all we have are moments…..”