Let's Find A True Friend!

"How to distinguish between the good (right) and bad (wrong) ones?" She asked me with respect to friends.

Let me take this moment to share my opinion.

"My interests and preferences do not match with that of theirs...I just don't fit in...am totally different"

I said this to my father referring to my colleagues; to which he replied

"As you are mature. Your standards are higher..

"Kuch bhi..."?(don't take it seriously)

I have never been a person who believes in having a lot of friends. I survived my school and college life with just one friend. In covid many lives were lost, one of them was this more than a decade long friendship too. So, even the best and the oldest friendships come to an end.

Hence, neither I wanted a bunch of friends nor was I willing to compromise with my values and principles yet, I was a bit upset for not having a big friend circle.

So, it happens. You might feel friendless as you are not unimpressionable. The outer world does influence you.

Should I tell you something? I have experienced this.

Many people you come across who seem to be friends are not really close ones. Ponder over it!

Going ahead!

Firstly, you need to be clear with your expectations - which need to be practical. How to keep it practical? Let's take someone's help

"If you have one true friend you have more than your share." Thomas Fuller

Now, definition of true friend might vary; I can try to put my idea of an ideal friend into words. However, before that let's take help of Google

“Good friends care for each other, Close friends understand each other, But true friends stay forever… Beyond words, beyond distance, beyond time.”

As per this I have a good amount of good friends!?

So, be crystal clear with what you look for.

Being an ultra private person I open-up to a very few people. Most of my relations are formal. Being a social being you cannot live in a vacuum yet, if you are an introvert your group remains too small. Basically, I believe in quality and not quantity.

"Dost kam rakhta hoon, magar lajawab rakhta hoon"

How to recognise those lajawab friends, that's the question?

Let me share some points based on my experience.

Kind of people to avoid:

• Whose value system doesn't match with yours
• Who drain your energy and give you negative vibes
• Who destroy your mental peace
• Who haven't learnt to say sorry
• Who are skilled at playing victim when you inform them about their wrongs

Never compromise with your values or standards to fit in somewhere or get some unnecessary validation. I rarely attend parties or join my peers for outings. One, because I prefer being at home and secondly I don't relish the kind of conversations they indulge in. This might make me boring as per youngsters' definition, that's okay. Some may get upset, it's okay. I know what kind of people I want to be surrounded with. Also, I know the power of association.

My idea of an ideal friend:

• Who is naturally inclined toward me
• Who gives me equal rights and responsibilities
• Who would be happier than me in my happiness
• Whose value system is admirable that I want to emulate
• Who can be a confidant and confide in me at the same time (gaining trust is my duty)
• Who knowingly or unknowingly shows his gestures of concern (well, the onus to observe is mine)

WOW!! A small but significant gesture!

A bit embarrassing

But, feel the excitement!!

Trends are insignificant vis a vis this joy!!

My reciprocation!

You need to recognise & keep watering the right flower!!

Safest friend - Parents

In my case - especially, my father!

• You can count upon them no matter what
• Secrets will remain secrets
• They will entertain your boring talks?
• You will get best piece of advice
• As, they are your best well wishers (apart from God & Guru)

There was a time he would persuade me, realising my pursuit of a true friend,?against running after people?and I would say "you are my parents you are not there with me all the time. Hence, I need a friend." Denying the true nature of this world I subconsciously searched for that friend everywhere only to realise or learn few things later.

He suggested me two ways to Vent out - "talk to me OR Write diary but, never harbour negativity within!"

Talking to him is something I have been doing since childhood. Not a single thing that I wouldn't share with him for he is the first and the best friend to me. But, the difference that TIME & KRSNA'S MERCY brought is that I stopped chasing. I was looking for an alternative, in his absence, in the form of a friend who I could open up to being an introvert and highly private person, which is no longer required. Although, I maintain a journal; I don't write diaries as they don't respond.

KEEP IN MIND

Relations are not to be chased!?

Few lines My Papa said to me:

"At no cost consider yourself to be weak or feel that you need someone to be happy. Never let anyone feel that you are dependent on them."

"You need not beg or bow....what belongs to you will come to you...Trust God"

Trust me. The moment you stop chasing you will start receiving. Relations need to be natural and mutual (am not fond of unilateral ones) Natural means let it run its course; give time; don't rush. The person must be naturally inclined toward you not out of sympathy or something. Don't rush as you might end up trusting the wrong person.

"Every beautiful aspect of your life comes to you slowly; the more it slows the prettier it becomes"

Don't find someone to make you happy; your health and happiness is your responsibility first; never over depend. Find someone to grow with.

When the reality strikes life gets better! So, let's have a reality check:

Well, if we talk about the REALITY you have no one other than God. He is your suhradam or your soulmate. Only HE is yours! Hence,

(You might like it!)

"Asha ek ram ji se Dooji asha chhod de Naata ek ram ji se Dooje naate tod de..."

Yet, while being in this world we definitely need some good relations; and the bestest association that we can get is of a devotee or a servant of the Supreme soul.

"sadhu-sanga, sadhu-sanga — sarva-sastre kaya lava-matra sadhu-sange sarva-siddhi haya" —Sri Chaitanya Charitamrita

Meaning : “The verdict of all revealed scriptures is that by even a moment’s association with a pure devotee, one can attain all success.”

The moment you realise the true nature of this world (dukhalayam) - true love is not meant for Kaliyuga - you will lead a much happier life than ever before. You will learn to keep your expectations real and minimal.

A devotee friend would the best friend. But to get one you need some special mercy!

If you are a theist you can pray! Also, the beautiful aspects of life come slowly, right!

So, keep patience! Keep praying!

Thank you so much.

Let me know how you feel about it!

Hare Krsna!