Let's Face It, You're a Caregiver

If you are assisting a loved one, be it a parent, sibling, child, spouse, grandparent or even a neighbor or friend, with tasks they can’t do alone but their well being depends on, you are a caregiver.  Studies   have shown that just acknowledging and embracing the term “caregiver” is linked to becoming more proactive in seeking resources and improving confidence.  Once you have embraced your title there are other things you can do to ease the complexities of your role:

Don’t take yourself for granted.  I have had the great pleasure of meeting many, many unsung heroes who have sacrificed their own time, money, independence and even careers to care for a family member or dear friend.  Sometimes this is a choice they made but very often the alternative would involve negative or life threatening consequences for someone they love who needs their help.  Acknowledge your sacrifice and the challenging role you have take on.  Others may minimize it or may view it as an expectation rather than a sacrifice but don’t jump on that bandwagon.  It’s even okay to feel frustrated, resentful or go through a period of grief as a result of things you may have lost.  It’s hard and it’s alright to say that, even if it’s just to yourself.

Know your limitations.  Be realistic about what you can do without getting depleted.  It took me over a year to realize I needed to better prepare for encounters with my mother who had lost her vision and suffered signifiant memory loss and personality changes as a result of a stroke.  It made all the difference in the world when I chose carefully when I scheduled her medical appointments so I didn’t have anything else stressful going on that day.  I began preparing emotionally for the encounter as early as the evening prior because I knew there would be frustration and reminders of her deficits that triggered my grief for the loss of who she once was.  This preparation diminished my frustration and made my interactions with her more enjoyable.  Before an encounter with your loved one, think about the emotional and physical needs required and be honest about your ability to provide what is necessary.  It’s alright to say “no” or “another time.”

Be your own cheerleader.  Sometimes, you are all you have.  While I encourage everyone to recognize and acknowledge the caregivers in their lives and am passionate about improved resources for caregivers, I realize it is often lonely business.  Try and see the gifts in the job. Enjoy the time you have with your loved one, accept the fact that you are doing the right thing and shouldering something not everyone is willing to take on.  That alone makes you an incredibly generous individual.  Pat yourself on the back and embrace the satisfaction that at the end of the day, you can say you tried your best and what you are doing helps not only the one you are providing care for, but everyone else in that person’s life.  You are a big deal.

My hope and belief is that one day soon, caregivers will be offered the support and resources they need and deserve in ample supply.  I am excited to share that I will be conducting online caregiver support groups beginning this fall.  It will be a place where caregivers can find respite, support and tips from other caregivers around the country, all from the comfort of their own home without the stress of finding someone to take over their caregiver duties. Stay tuned for an announcement when we are ready to go live.  Please share this with anyone else you think may benefit from a caregiver support community.

Michelle Chaffee  Founder & CEO alska