LET'S DO THIS

The Key to Facing My Biggest Fears

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by Dr. Harland Merriam

(Originally published in the Amazon Best Seller “Purpose, Passion and Profit”)

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“Raging Bull”

The phone rang. I picked it up and heard those two words – “Raging Bull”.

They are an Army alert code for, "You have been called back to active duty." The United States was preparing for war after September 11th. The military would call many Guard and Reserve units to join the fight. I would be among them.

I didn't expect this. The message startled me. I was 52 years old, had completed 30 years as an Army Reserve Chaplain, and was now officially retired. Or so I thought.

I was comfortable in civilian life. I was leading a church in Beaumont, Texas, a few months into my term as president of the local Rotary Club. I had other responsibilities. I didn't need this disruption.

Then the Raging Bull message came, calling me out of military retirement and back to active duty.

I scrambled to prepare for my departure-discussing the call with my wife, informing the congregation, answering boatloads of questions, handing off responsibilities to others, and getting things in order. So much change and so quickly. Over a few hectic days, I brought matters together as best I could.

I packed the car at "o-dark-thirty" (which is Army time for "well before daylight") on Sunday morning, January 20, 2002. My two sons gave me a big hug goodbye. My wife, Barbara, and I embraced, and I backed out of the driveway.

Darkness and fog enveloped me on the road. Darker feelings churned inside of me. I was upset, sad, worried, afraid, stressed. But, I didn't stop to admit this flurry of emotions. I didn't want to deal with them.

My Army job would be to train Chaplains and Chaplain Assistants who were being called up with their units. Unlike these soldiers who would be packing up and heading off to war, I would not likely go into battle. So, I shouldn't have been scared. Sure, I was taking on a huge, serious responsibility, but my life wasn't in danger.

Thoughts swirled in my head. As I headed west on I-10 to report for duty, I tried to repress the real feelings inside of me.

No one else knew I was so upset. Here I was, very experienced as a pastor, with decades of training in the military. Why was I frightened? Why was I so troubled?

Guilt hovered around the fear. I felt guilt for leaving my family, remorse for abandoning my commitments to people back home, and shame that I was even feeling the fear.

The darkness inside grabbed me as I drove in the fog that morning. Tears started dripping down my cheeks. I remember trying to wipe away the tears, push them away, deny their expression. But, I couldn't hold the emotions back any longer.

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EMBRACING THE FEELINGS

I took a big deep breath and finally admitted what I was feeling. That was the key embracing the feelings. Rather than holding them down and wishing they weren't there,

I spoke them. In a prayer, I said, "I am sad, God. I'm feeling guilty, God. I'm upset, angry, afraid, God."

That is when I heard it, not an audible voice, but clear as day.

"Let's do this!" It was God speaking to me. I could almost see a twinkle in God's eye and a smile on God's face. I experienced God's ever-wise voice say, “Harland, I have been preparing you all your life for this. Don't be afraid. I will be with you. Now, let's do this."

It was that short. That clear.

A peace came over me like I've never felt before in my life, a peace that has not left me to this day.

Solid, unshakable confidence.

The circumstances wouldn't change for the better. My family and the other folks back home would have to deal with my absence. Things could go wrong. I expected huge challenges ahead. The fear didn't go away. But, it no longer held me.

God gave me peace in the midst of chaos. My mindset changed. My attitude changed. This transformation reached my very core. Trusting God, I became immediately comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Here is the key. Instead of running from tough feelings or hard circumstances, I faced them.

My mistaken belief that I would be braver or stronger by not admitting the feelings was holding me back.

By blocking these tough feelings, I blocked myself from hearing that calming inner voice. By owning them, I was able to see new possibilities and begin to write a new chapter of my life's story.

REPORTING FOR DUTY

I arrived at my duty station and walked into Major General Dalby's office with a confident smile on my face and said, "Sir. Your Chaplain is reporting for duty. Let's do this."

After a little catching up with each other, we prayed together, and I stepped into a most transforming adventure.

I didn't deploy overseas to engage in battle like many fellow soldiers, but the next couple of years on active duty were challenging. I experienced a string of thrilling, emotionally draining, and life-building moments. God certainly was with me through it all.

With the motto "Make Ready," our 75th Training Division put our arms around thousands of soldiers in hundreds of units with scores of ministry teams. We met some truly amazing people from all over this country.

The Division Ministry, which I led, evaluated the strengths and shortcomings of the ministry teams that were deploying overseas. We helped them build on their strengths and provided training and coaching to fill in the gaps.

We guided Chaplains as they thought through their wartime ministry plans. We encouraged them to express their own feelings, build their own. confidence, and find their own peace. We prepared them to go to war.

We engaged in deep conversations as their lives were thrust into the turbulence of war. So rich, so real, so powerful. I am glad I was there with them.

The battle overseas began. I remember long, sad processions behind flag- draped caskets, as we honored soldiers who had given their lives in service of our country. I counseled with family after family in grief.

One stands out, because of the two red-headed young boys in brand new, dark suits. They and their mom held each other tight as the rifles gave their dad a final salute and the bugler played "Taps."

I have many memories of the hard, but good years back on active duty. God turned an interruption into an opportunity to touch many lives.

Difficult feelings used to have the power to hold me back. Not anymore. These days, I readily admit what I am feeling. I don't like the tough emotions. But, I embrace them anyway. They are what they are, so I accept them. And a door opens each time. Over and over I find that God has another grand adventure ready for me.

DISCOVER NEW PURPOSE

My training mission with the Army ended in 2005. I returned home to Texas to rejoin my family, the church, and the town. For another decade, I served as pastor and remained very active in the life of the community.

And then, another big disruption came. This was a raging bull of my doing. I decided to retire from being a pastor of a congregation. Barbara and I prepared for this change, packed up our home, and moved to Florida. With this major life makeover, I found myself confronted with a new set of scary feelings.

During the four decades of actively serving churches and the military, I had lived with a clear purpose. Every morning I knew who I was. Now what? Who am I now?

This threw me up into the air. Where would Barbara and I come down? A whole flurry of emotions again. Fortunately, God had brought me through massive changes before. So, I put into practice what I had learned. I embraced what I was feeling and then started listening.

God is reframing this so-called retirement experience. A door has opened into another, very active and exciting season in my life. I am not “re-tired." I am "re-purposed." Cool.

To my surprise, I am discovering a new identity as a business person. I hadn't ever put together being a pastor and being in business. Now I am discovering a wonderful connection. I can be both. I can use all those ministry skills and gifts which God gave me over the past four decades, but now in the business world.

With a group of very experienced partners in a multi-family investing business, I am creating better communities, one apartment building at a time. I am bringing an array of clear values and the skills of character-based leadership to our business. We make quite a wholesome impact for our residents while producing phenomenal returns for our investors.

I also serve folks as a mentor, trainer, and personal coach. All those years of pastoral experience are helping me walk alongside people so they can achieve breakthroughs in their lives. I bring extensive training and all those years of helping folks with real-life challenges. I help people ask themselves better questions. In practical and profound ways, we work together to draw out the best. I love it.

Other friends my age think I am crazy. I'm coloring outside the lines for sure. But, I know this is what I am supposed to do. I do enjoy continuing to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

A FINAL THOUGHT

When faced with one of life's raging bulls, you and I have a choice. When the mountain in front of us is too tall, we have a choice. When the hard emotions or dramatic changes in life freeze us for a moment, we have a choice.

The key to facing our biggest fears is to embrace them. We will choose to own what we are feeling, allow it, accept it, speak it. And God will keep breaking through in a still, small, and powerful voice.

May God give you peace. May you discover your purpose. May you find the confidence to take a bold step forward.

I pray you will hear the voice which says to you, "Let's do this!"

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TWEETABLE

When I embraced my fear, God said, "Let's do this. I've been preparing you all your life for this."

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HarlandMerriam.com | AttuneInvestments.com

Dr. Harland Merriam brings decades of experience from serving as a Pastor and Army Chaplain. He and his wife, Barbara, have returned to their hometown in Florida for this next chapter of his life. Harland is an accomplished speaker, CEO of a multi-family investment company, and daylily hybridizer. He continues to impact lives as a mentor, trainer, and personal coach. He wakes up every day with gratitude for God's fresh grace.