Let's Crush Shame!

A single mom of a three-year-old daughter, Frieda, battles with the crisis that every mother would have about her children; when is the right time to teach Isah sex education? Having fallen off with the wrong ideals herself–her parents made sex discussions a taboo at home–she knew how difficult it was for her to get certain answers while growing up. Sometimes, Google helped her with answers. YouTube too. Watching videos explaining sex to her always made her flush. At least, she was getting the talk somewhere. Now that she has a daughter, she may take her through the same route, or not. It will be a good idea to teach Isah herself but…errhhh! Where was she going to start??

Out of 2000 parents, 60% were raised thinking sex was a taboo, inevitably affecting how they bring up the topic with their children at home. Then another 61% would rather delegate teaching their children sex ed to other people such as the school, the media, or the other parent, than take on the job themselves. All these point us to one thing; more children are not receiving sex education at home. (Source: nypost.com)

You would think teaching sex education to your children is difficult until you learn to understand the importance of having sexually educated human beings living under your roof. Weighing the benefits of teaching your children yourself and the risks of leaving them exposed, guessing, and experimenting all their lives, you may want to get into the driver’s seat sooner than you thought. These are your children we are talking about here. If there was anyone who would do a perfect job in nurturing your babies, trust me, it’s you.

Sex ed is an exciting part of raising your children. I mean, we love to ride the bicycles with them, match outfits with them, teach them to cook their food with them helping us in the kitchen, or even work their school assignments with them. We enjoy each day their innocence makes us laugh. Even when they get on our last nerves, we still appreciate the gift of their presence in our lives. Our thoughts are always filled with how we can make their lives a lot better than ours so they don’t suffer like we did, and fulfilling that duty to them makes us swell with pride.

Now, what happens when we get it right in everything else except sex education? We get it right with academics, paying their fees in the best schools, and producing the best geniuses in the world. They become exceptional cooks and amazing talents but when it comes to sexual orientation, the scorecard is zero. Pathetic, isn’t it? Stop to think about the facts…there are homes today that will never breathe the word “sex” throughout the child’s time with them. It is all going to be school, achieving purpose, and getting married so they can breed grandchildren. That’s it. Hold this thought:

You create the environment your child needs to grow.?

The kind of environment you create for your children to grow comes from what lies within you. You create an environment where your children are free to learn and satisfy their curiosity about sex. Sex ed begins with a parent who is first sexually educated, and upholds the culture in the home. Your kids must see the wholeness in you to fully appreciate every word you bring to them. That becomes their haven. What hinders many parents and guardians from talking about sex is chiefly because there wasn't a culture of sex ed in the homes they grew up and have made no provisions for the same in the homes they are building.?

There is a popular saying that we are not responsible for our past but we would be held responsible for what we do in the future. Not growing up in a home that promotes sexual education is the best fuel to enforce sex education in your home, not an excuse. You should entrust your children with such priceless information by all means. Resources are archived on the Internet daily. Take advantage of those. Channel them into your home and have the whole family learn together. Think of games that you all could play or interesting conversations that could spring up from hypothetical scenarios you paint out. Do anything but sweep sex ed under the carpet.

If you feel awkward building this culture in your home, especially when you have to name body parts or talk about the act of sex, rest easy; it is normal. Shame is a factor to watch against when you make up your mind about sex ed. It isn’t that you are doing the wrong thing, often it is the unresolved issues in your mind that fight you. You possibly have not overcome sex in your mind–calling the “S” word out loud embarrasses you so much that you coined jargon to cover up. That’s okay. You are also a work in progress (at least you know what to work on now).? Sex ed is truly possible when you have overcome your boundaries and shame and are free to talk to your children about it. It takes gradual but deliberate steps to get there.

Finally, take the lessons in little chunks. Don’t be a lecturer who rushes the term’s curriculum in one class. Take your time to teach them as they grow. Sex ed is easy when you learn age-appropriate topics and strike up conversations suitable for their age. That way, there is nothing like “too early” or “I’m waiting till when they grow up”. You fully inculcate a lesson without risking TMIs and FAQs that drive you nuts. Conversations don’t get stifled, you don’t have to lie or withhold some necessary information or give them half-truths for breakfast. No. Every conversation would be as natural as talking about your faith or their day at school. Find out what’s important for them to learn at their age and do not be afraid to teach them wholeheartedly.

Your children will always feel safe and confident to talk to you before they ever need to talk to you because you have established trust and openness in your home. What a place to be! They are secure and whole and backed up against every misleading “truth” that flies around them at school or with their peers. Let’s not forget that consistently doing this builds a lasting template in their subconscious. They will have no difficulty at all teaching their children sex ed in the future. Wouldn’t that be nice? Don't you want to be the proud mom or dad of children who can stand their ground when the subject of sex is mentioned instead of being tickled by uncultured dopamine because you taught them well??

Learn everything you need to teach your children sex ed. If you need ideas, subscribe to this newsletter and come online every Thursday to read something new.?

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