Let Yourself Grieve!

We have witnessed an odyssey of events last couple of weeks. Losses have been made. Lives have been lost. #ThepeopleofKenya are grieving. We have seen them dedicate their time to mourn, online and offline. Certainly, this era shall never be forgotten.

After all is said and done. When the lights go off and everyone settles into their lives, there is this lot that needs support. The bereaved. They have lost children. Spouses. Parents. Siblings. Relatives. Friends. Death, if it has ever taken away your loved one, you know it crushes. It stings. These people are in pain. Pain that they will carry for a very long time.

Grieving is tough. You often replay moments shared with your loved one. A memory lingers and emotions just sweep you off. This might have been triggered or just mere thoughts towards that specific memory. Sometimes it is fondly, sometimes it is heavy. But, the truth is, life must go on. Bills must be paid. Relationships must be nurtured. Children must be raised. Deals must be made.

A poet, Heidi Priebe explains grief in a few lines. She says, “Grief is a giant neon sign, protruding through everything, pointing everywhere, broadcasting loudly, ‘Love was here ’Love still ís.’ She adds, ‘What we don’t lay to rest, follows us forward. But what we grieve and let go, builds the foundation for an incredible new pathway.” Therefore, you need to allow yourself to grieve.

I write this especially for you the professional who has to resume work sooner. How do you cope?

Different people deal with grief differently and you are encouraged to embrace your style. Here are practical ways that could help you understand which way works for you best.

1.?Honor your feelings

Sadness can show up when you least expect. Don’t be afraid to feel. Accept that you are going through a loss and you want to deal with it, your way. You can talk to your colleagues, supervisor or your HR about the support you need from them. If you need help on your projects let them know. If your office has a stress room, make sure to utilize it anytime you feel like exhaling. Or take a walk. Do what works for you. Also, identify the triggers and learn how to navigate through them. This doesn’t really mean you run away, but mastering them will help you handle them with ease.

2.?Speak about your feelings

If you have a solid support system, speak to them. This will help you release the emotional burden. If you read the holy books, you’ll meet Job, a fine example of someone who experienced quite a loss. He lost many children and livestock and servants, almost lost his life. But he says, ‘I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.’ Speaking, releases pain and anger. If you are Shakespeare's fan, he says in one of his works, ‘Give Sorrow Words’.

But what if you struggle with speaking out, try writing. Get you a journal and speak into it, you will be surprised. Speaking has worked for people of old and people now. It can work for you.

3.?Be kind to yourself

Some days will be heavier than others, but remember you are human and you need to live a day at a time. How about you invest in a self-care routine? Get enough sleep, hydrate, take walks, eat a balanced diet and do the things that brings you joy. If you feel overwhelmed, take breaks.

4.?Talk to a therapist

If grief is left to chance, it can affect your wellbeing. Talking to a therapist will allow you to get professional tips that will help you deal with grief. Forget the stigma, therapy does not mean you are mentally ill it just means you need more attention to your wellness. That said, don’t be pressured to start if you are not ready.?

5.? Be patient

Grieving never ends. It is actually one of the most painful things a human being will ever experience in their lifetime. But you learn to cope. Do not rush and don’t get disappointed when something you thought would work for you, doesn’t. It is a process and you need to embrace it.

What if you are the employer or supervisor or colleague to a grieving worker? It is important to find out the kind of support they need. Some may need space, some privacy. Some may need flexi hours (if this is acceptable within your organization) some may ask for breaks or days off. Offering such provision will go a long way. They also need compassion and patience as they deal with it. We are all walking each other home. Let us do so with love and grace.

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