Let your kids see you learn

“Let your children see you learn” It’s a pretty simple concept, but it’s not something most of us do. At least not regularly. 

That was the advice a coach shared on a call this week. “You are your child’s first university” she said. I had never thought about it in those words, but it makes sense. Kids are sponges. They absorb everything they see and they start by mimicking us. Any parent with a toddler who has repeated a swear word at an inopportune moment can tell you that. What we forget though is that just because they learn from us, that doesn’t mean we need to have all the answers.  

Experts advise that one of the most powerful things a leader can say is “I don’t know.” The same should apply to parents, but instead we’ve become conditioned to think that parents must always have immediate answers. That parents are somehow all-knowing. Of course every kid eventually learns the truth: most of us know very little, parents included.

“My fallibility is one of my greatest strengths as a parent” said one of the parents in our session. It takes both confidence and self-awareness to recognize and acknowledge that. Most of us don’t accept that, and as a result we miss a big opportunity. If kids mimic what they see, then seeing us openly admit we don’t know something, but still be willing to learn it, should be exactly what we want them to replicate. The more they see us do it, the more likely they are to do the same thing themselves. Unfortunately, our need to always have the answers is unintentionally preventing us from demonstrating to our kids how we can keep learning and growing. Luckily, we’re in a great moment to work on that. 

The past year has been a time of learning for all of us. We’ve found ourselves in unchartered territory at home, at work, and in the world at large. And yet rather than working together to find solutions, there has been a rush for immediate answers. The silver-bullet for surviving every situation we could possibly find ourselves in. Of course that doesn’t exist, but that doesn’t stop the majority of us from searching for, or pretending to have, those non-existent answers. Too often we’re so absorbed with being right or having the right answer that we lose sight of the learning journey. 

There’s never been a better time to change that. Most people are still at home with their kids. Those sponges are sitting there absorbing everything happening in your home all day: how you speak on a call with a colleague, your boss, and your friend. How you react to a challenge at work or with a spouse or what you’re seeing happen locally and globally. They’re doing life right alongside us right now and experiencing everything we are. They don’t need us to be right or to have the right answer. They may need the comfort of knowing their parents are there to care for them, but taking care of someone doesn’t mean having the answers. I think that’s where we sometimes get lost when it comes to learning and our kids. We can care for them, protect them, and nurture them without having the answers. Sometimes we can even do it better because we don’t have the answers. 

We may never get this much consistent time with our kids again and they’ll almost certainly never get this window into our daily world again. What an opportunity we have to bring the two together and borrow work leadership lessons for our families. When was the last time your kids saw you learn something? Admit you didn’t know something? Next time your kids asks you something you don’t know, rather than rush to answer, try a simple truth:  “I don’t know. Let’s learn together.” Would you try that? What are you learning with your kids right now? What have you watched them learn this year so far?