Let Them Take Their Power Back!

I remember being hired as a Lifestyle Manager for a brand new independent and assisted living community. It wasn’t even built yet and I got to go in the fenced in construction zone dressed wearing steel toed work boots and a pink hard hat to see how the building was coming along. It was hard to picture residents sipping a cocktail at bar that had no top counter or visualizing residents doing an aquafit class in a pool when there was no water, but I went into my empty office, took a deep breath and stood in gratitude (and a lot of anxiety) about what was to come.

No one can prepare you for not knowing anything. In a world where I thought I knew exactly what residents wanted, what programs would be successful, how relationships would be built and what the calendar would look like, I was completely mistaken. Because, when you open a new building, you’re not only building relationships with a new team who are as equally full of anxiety, but you’re also building relationships with brand new residents that have even more anxiety than the team itself because their entire world was just flipped upside down.

I created a calendar based on my fifteen years of previous experience, knowing I have a 72 year old retired lawyer with memory impairment and a 85 year old retired teacher who recently had a hip replacement, as an example. Limited information if you ask me, but I rolled with it. I created an excellent calendar, or at least I thought. I printed it out, excitedly delivered it to our small group that had moved in the first week and hoped that it would resonate with them, knowing full well that I had no clue who these people were.

It didn’t resonate with them.

New residents moved in in waves. The first group that moved in refused to play bingo, but loved dancing and music. The next group that moved in loved exercises but couldn’t name a tune if I gave it away. For the third group, half of them wanted scenic drives, while others wanted to be taken to the shopping center and back home. Does this sound familiar?

After months of activity meetings where I went over the calendar that I created and left with many happy faces and some wishing there was more of one program and less of another, I finally came to the realization that I was creating a calendar on what I thought the residents wanted, but not on what they would actually put on their own calendars. Imagine moving from your own home where you created your own schedules and then going to a place where someone else has dictated your entire day, week, or month.

When you move into a community, it’s usually for a reason and that reason may be convenience or it could be necessity, but most of the time it’s not completely based on free will. They no longer get to decide that they’d like to make spaghetti half way through the day or can hop in their car at any given moment just because and their power, at least some of them, have been stripped away.

I learned that what residents want most is to be given their power back and so, I gave it to them.

Each month a “Program Planning Meeting” was held on the calendar and residents could gather in the theatre (usually with some sort of snack and refreshment) to plan the upcoming month’s calendar. I gave my power away and handed it to them.

“Welcome to the Program Planning Meeting where we decide what to put on YOUR next calendar because I simply work here, but this is YOUR schedule.” I said, waiting for their reactions. “What would you like to see on the calendar?”

“I’d like to have a fitness class in the evening one night,” a resident suggested. “Great! What day?” I asked. At this point, the resident wondered why I wouldn’t just add it in a random spot that was blank, but that’s not what I wanted from this interaction. I wanted to put the ownership of the calendar on the residents who would be participating. “Well, Thursdays we play bridge, so I’d rather it be Mondays,” they suggested. “Wonderful, what time?”

It wasn’t because I was lazy or I didn’t want to complete a calendar myself. It was the completely opposite. I wanted there to be even more engagement and I learned that my residents were more likely to attend programs that they had a hand in planning.

So the next resident perked up and said she used to play bocce ball and wondered if anyone else wanted it play with her. Many residents raised their hands and instead of me scheduling it for a date and time that I was available, I asked if the residents could start a bocce ball committee and let me know what they needed. New balls? Check. Team jerseys? You got it! An end of season party? Here to help!

It was the most successful program - league - in our community and it empowered others that were in the league to start facilitating their own programs. Soon after, there was a wood carving club, a jewelry making club, a book club, and a knitting club to name a few, all led by residents on their own schedules with me smiling in the background as I checked in to make sure they had all of the tools, supplies and resources they needed to be successful.

I know it’s hard because if you’re like me, you’re a planner. But, loosen your reigns. Release control. And let them take the power back in their own lives.