Let Them, Let Me

originally posted on cabrerainsights.com

I’ve written several blog posts about how important acceptance and focusing on what you can control are for your psychological well-being. In her latest book, The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins explains how to improve your happiness and relationships by no longer wasting energy on things you can’t control. We can stop giving power to other people by using two words – Let Them.

Instead of attempting to change someone else’s behavior, opinions, or mood, just Let Them. You can’t control another person; the only person you have control over is you. Allowing someone else’s behavior to stress you out gives them power over your life. Reclaim your power by controlling your own response – Let Me. It’s not your responsibility to manage other people’s emotions. You can choose to be the loving, mature adult.

Here are some areas of your life where you can apply the principles of Let Them and Let Me.

• Co-workers – Stop fixating on the problems. Instead of letting others stress you out, Let Me focus on what I can do through my actions and my attitude to improve the situation.
• Other people’s opinions – Let Them think what they want and Let Me start living my life in a way that makes me proud of myself.
• Family – Let Them be who they are. Let Me change the dynamic and create the relationship I want by choosing how I show up. Acceptance and understanding can help me view them with compassion.
• Comparison – Don’t obsess over the cards in someone else’s hand. Let Them live their life and Let Me live mine. Instead of seeing comparison as a threat, let it be an inspiration, showing you what is possible.
• Adult friendships – Friendships come and go with changing life circumstances, so you need to be flexible. Let Them go and Let Me take responsibility for creating new relationships and maintaining connections with old friends.
• Partners – People only change when they choose to. Pressuring them creates resistance, so Let Them. Let Me model the behaviors I’d like to see and celebrate if they do change. Relationships are about loving someone for who they are. You get to decide whether to accept their behavior or move on.

You are in charge of your own happiness. You can’t control what others do, think, or feel, so stop trying. Instead, focus on what you can control: your response. Your power lies in letting them be who they are and choosing the attitudes and behaviors that bring you happiness and fulfillment. It won’t always be easy, but it’s incredibly freeing when you learn to just Let Them!