Let Others Sit With Their Catastrophe
Mark LeBusque
Humans Leading Humans - The Human Manager Academy Founder - Leadership Coach/Mentor and Facilitator - Author - Speaker- Podcaster
I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened - Mark Twain
You’ve all been part of that awkward moment when another human is showing some courage to be vulnerable and sharing what I call a ‘Stop Story’. Something about them that holds them back, a self-limiting belief is one way to describe it.
It takes an act of leadership for humans to do this and I want you to consider what you do next and how that can be either helpful or unhelpful for your colleague.
We are prone to go into what I call ‘rescuer’ mode when this occurs and in doing so we take away the power of their share as well as the opportunity for them to Sit With Their Catastrophe.
They might have shared that they don't speak up enough and you will feel some of their pain and ‘rescue’ them by saying something like ‘oh no you are one of the most courageous people I know’.
This is unhelpful as it doesn’t allow for them to sit in what I call the ‘comfortably uncomfortable’ zone and ‘feel’ what it’s like to be in the deep end of the pool sitting with their catastrophe. When we sit and reflect on it and ‘feel’ it then it can help to make sense of why we feel that way and then work on ways to find our path to edge.
Whilst you may argue that you are trying to help, think of it like this. What if your help is just providing comfort and a way for your colleague to avoid doing the hard work of overturning the story. Even a story that from the start never happened?
So my first provocation is – Let Them Sit With Their Catastrophe.
Fellow and Board Certified Lifestyle Medicine Physician @ Brain Fit | Helping you overcome exhaustion and burnout to optimise your health | Wellbeing Advocate | Best-selling Author & coach
4 年So true for kids and grown-ups Mark LeBusque
Helping leaders leverage innovation, technology and skills to support the energy transition - including First Nations people on the journey | Keynote Speaker & MC | Professional Problem Solver | NED (ASX:PRL)
4 年Great insight which reminds me of Karpman’s drama triangle and the power of TED, or the ability to coach rather than rescue someone. One coaching client I had last year had a light bulb moment around this ?? When I asked if she thought she was validating, or agreeing with someone who came to her with an issue, she thought they were one in the same thing. After teasing out the situation, she realised she was agreeing with this person to “make them feel better”, “help move the situation along” with the intent of “fixing the problem”... but it was becoming a reoccurring pattern with similar variations of the problem continuing to be discussed. So I asked her, what if instead of agreeing with this person, perhaps she could repeat back to the person what she was hearing, i.e. validate what they were saying. Yet, not going to the extent of agreeing with that person - which inevitably has a similar effect to trying to prove them wrong. The person doesn’t sit with the uncomfortable situation or feeling and is not empowered to realise they have the ability to change it, or respond differently next time.
Change, Leadership and Wellbeing Expert | Positive Change for Positive Results | Speaker | Author x 3 books | Coach | Advisor
4 年Off to a great start Mark LeBusque Happy New Year! ??
Clear Calm Growth&Flow (GLOW) | CEO TAB Gordon | Founder Corporate Intraprenuer, PresentNow & SME Genius | Co Founder Group Fit Training & Danolyte ANZ | Director Youth Impact Foundation | Sustainability |
4 年Thank you for sharing your learnings. Great read!
I empower leaders and organisations to achieve greater influence, purpose and success through coaching and facilitation.?Executive & Emerging Leaders ?Teams ? Female Founders ? Building Culture
4 年Rescuing is not helpful. Listening, curiosity and reflective inquiry is a more helpful approach to allow the person to discover their path forward