Let Me Introduce You To My Little Friends

Recently, I reconnected with some old friends and many memories came flooding back in reminding of some of the times we experienced. You know the type of friends that you can not talk to for a long time and pick right back up where you left off? Yep, you know the ones.

We all reconnected during a tough season, finding comfort in each other. It was good to reconnect and reminisce, and we could have stayed and talked forever! But man, I could barely keep up.

I love introducing people to other people, but be forewarned, this trio is a handful!

Let me tell you a little about each of them, and you'll see why I might prefer a quieter rendezvous over a drama-filled reunion in the future.

I’d like to introduce you my friends, the infamous actors of the The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT): the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer.

“The Dreaded Drama Triangle is a nickname for the social model of human interaction called the Karpman Drama Triangle first described by Dr. Stephen B. Karpman in the late 19060’s. The triangle maps a type of destructive interaction that can emerge in relationship conflict involving three actors in the drama: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer.”

There are three main figures that make up the DDT.

Let me tell you a little about each of them. I’ve included a picture of all of them together as well.

The Victim

“A Victim is the central figure in the DDT, a victim is one who feels powerless and has experienced some loss, thwarted desire, or aspiration, and/or the psychic death of a dream. An important distinction is made between victimhood, which is a situation in which one is victimized to some degree, and Victimhood, which is a self-identity and “poor me” life stance.”

The Persecutor

“A Persecutor serves as the cause of the Victim’s perceived powerlessness, reinforcing the Victim’s “Poor Me” identity. The Persecutor may be a person, condition (such as a health condition), or a circumstance (a natural disaster, for example). When the Persecutor is a person, he or she is symbiotically linked to the Victim and seeks to dominate (either overtly or covertly) and maintain a “one-up” position through a variety of assertive and/or manipulative means. Often a persecutor’s behavior is driven by his own fear of becoming, or re-becoming, a Victim. Fear of losing control can also be a factor.”

The Rescuer

“The Rescuer is any person or activity (such as an addiction) that serves to help a Victim relieve the “pain” of Victimhood. As an activity, the Rescuer helps the Victim “numb out.” Despite having helpful intentions, the Rescuer as a person reinforces the Victim’s “Poor Me” by adopting a “Poor You” attitude, which serves to increase the Victim’s sense of powerlessness. This renders the victim dependent upon the Rescuer for a sense of safety - a bond forged by the victim’s shame for needing to be rescued and cemented by the Rescuer’s own fear of abandonment or loss of purpose.”

These friends are pretty inseparable. They make a great team. They are incredibly good at what they do. They actually thrive when all of them are together.

The Victim Orientation

“Victim Orientation: It is in this orientation that the DDT thrives. In the way of being, one’s Focus is on the problem or problems that dominate one’s life. When a problem occurs, it engages an inner state of anxiety, which in turn causes one to react. There are three basic forms of reacting: fight, flight, or freeze. The DDT is based on fear, avoidance (of feelings, loss, pain, reality), and/or aggressive reactivity. Much of humanity sleepwalks through life, unwittingly entangled in the DDT and Victim Orientation in which it takes place. While the Victim Orientation has served a vital evolutionary purpose by helping humanity survive by reacting to threats in a hostile world, it has now outlived its usefulness as our “default” orientation.”

Oh, you actually know each other? Weird. I figured I was one of their only friends. I guess I’m not as special as I thought. Oh well.

Maybe we should all hang out and tell some stories? I bet it would be a great time remembering all the adventures we have been on.

On second thought, I have somewhere else I need to be. I’m feeling pretty tired from all the reminiscing. It was great catching up, though. You guys definitely bring an energy that I’m not sure I can keep up with anymore. But hey, if you ever want to grab coffee or do something less dramatic, count me in!

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My name is Caleb Panter and one of the things I’m passionate about is I building bridges to help people and organizations turn a half-hearted life into a wholehearted life one courageous moment at a time. #motivatingmomentageous

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