Let Go of What SHOULD BE to Make Room for What COULD BE
Kristin Smedley
I Help Organizations Leverage Disability Inclusion to Uncover Untapped Talent & Drive Innovation | Keynote Speaker, Author, CEO | Rare Disease Advocacy Leader | Parent of Two Blind Sons (CRB1 LCA) Who Are Thriving
A few years ago, when I was delivering a keynote speech, the person that introduced me read my bio and added, "She is the happiest Mom of blind kids I have ever met!"
A few years later, while I was being photographed for a feature story in Real Woman Magazine (picture above), the photographer caught me in one of my big, loud laughs that has on many occasions let my blind sons know where I am in a room, and causes my daughter to cringe with embarrassment, "Do you really need to laugh THAT loud, Mom? Oh my GOD."
Yep, much to Karissa's dismay, I laugh a lot. I always did as a kid too. I was always pretty dang happy, saw the good in life, enjoyed the simplest of things. In my adult life, however, there were some hard things that stifled that smile, quieted my laugh and extinguished the delirious optimism that is a throughline throughout my journey.
How did that happen and how did I bounce back to be smiling non stop and laughing entirely too loud again? Well, it wasn't an easy process, yet I am incredibly grateful for the time I took to dive deep into what was keeping me stuck and what caused me to take one right step after another out of stuck, toward surviving, and now, thriving.
In a nutshell, it is this: Everytime life threw a curve ball, I set up camp in the land of "should be": My kids should be able to see like everyone else. I should be married for 50 years. I'm a good person - life should be easier.
It took a lot of work, a ton of research, and ultimately raising my hand for help to finally stop living in the should be's. I made a choice to instead look at what could be possible: Yes, my children are blind and that presents some challenges, but what could be possible for their lives if I get them the right tools? Yes, I am suddenly single after 20 years, but what could be possible for my life now that I get to do it without the unhealthy nightmare I was living? Yes, the pandemic stifled my career, but what could be possible if I use a different platform?
Once I made the choice to ditch what I thought should be and open my eyes and heart to what could be, everything got easier, people joined my journey, and my smile and laugh returned (cue Karissa's eye roll).
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If you listen to this episode of my Brilliantly Resilient podcast, you'll hear me explain this should be/could be concept in much more detail. I go further into how this concept helped me stop crying on my couch over two blindness diagnosis and take steps that would eventually cause all of my kids to soar.
Also in the episode, I mention an interview with the Editor in Chief of Entrepreneur Magazine, Jason Feifer, and Lewis Howes. Jason eloquently describes this concept as a loss vs gain focus issue. According to Jason, we focus too long on the loss in a challenging situation instead of considering the gain it can bring to our life.
If you are trying to get unstuck, or un-angry, or un-frustrated in a current challenge and want to take a next right step forward, give a listen to my podcast here and Lewis' School of Greatness episode with Jason here .
If you or someone you serve is struggling with a blindness diagnosis, please send me a message or an email to [email protected] I have additional resources to start stepping in the direction of thriving - and some really funny stories from raising my kiddos that will make you laugh as loud as I do!
@ThrivingBlindAcademy @BrilliantlyResilient @LewisHowes @JasonFeifer
Editor, Compliance and Ethics: Ideas & Answers
1 年Kristin Smedley My philosophy on life is "don't ask why, ask what." Instead of complaining "why did this happen to me" (which is a quick route to depression) ask "what can I do about it?" You will never get an answer to "why" that makes you feel better. But asking "what can I do about it" is a call to action. I see your inspiring story as an example; "thriving" is asking the question "what can I do to help them make the best of their lives"? If you had kept asking "why did this happen to them" you would likely have gone nowhere.