Let-Go To Let-In

Years ago, we chuckled at the amusing scene of a famous Bollywood movie where the heroine was encouraging the hero to rid himself of any traces of his ex-girlfriend, be it by burning her photograph or flushing it down the washroom—a whimsical attempt to banish her from his thoughts. Little did we grasp that this marked our initial exposure to the captivating principles of anchoring and seeking external help to Let Go.

Upon encountering the term "anchoring" in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, it initially struck me as fanciful, even somewhat unrealistic. In NLP, anchoring involves associating a gesture, touch, or sound with the peak of a specific emotional state, allowing its retrieval by replicating the same gesture, touch, or sound. However, as I've embraced NLP in my practice over the years, I've come to recognize its efficacy, especially in coaching and counselling, aiding in the release of fears, negative thoughts, unwanted habits, and the embrace of positive emotions.

Consider the symbolic act of burning letters or photographs to cope with the emotional aftermath of a broken relationship. This act of anchoring goes beyond the conscious mind, delving into the subconscious, which governs a substantial 90% of our actions. The subconscious exhibits a remarkable ability to navigate intense emotions more efficiently than our logical conscious brain.

The significance of letting go becomes apparent when negative thoughts trigger adverse emotional and physiological reactions, unleashing a cascade of unproductive thoughts. Letting go acts as a remedy, clearing the mental space of unproductive clutter and paving the way for more positive and constructive thoughts.

?How can one effectively let go?

• Gesture Anchoring: In moments of negative emotions, summon a contrasting positive memory—immerse yourself in joy, perhaps recalling a lively party or a successful presentation. While reliving that moment, perform a specific gesture, like blinking your eye or tapping your knuckle. Test your anchor by repeating the exact action immediately. If the positive memory resurfaces, the anchor is successfully set. If not, try once again, recalling the memory and repeating the action at the peak of the emotion. Consistency is key—maintain the same action, be it blinking or tapping the same knuckle. Once established, every encounter with negative thoughts can be countered by repeating the gesture to trigger the positive memory, redirecting your mind away from negativity.

• Object Anchoring: Connect an object with the source of emotional distress. For instance, write a letter expressing your thoughts, then symbolically release them by burning the letter. In conflicts, visualize a pen or any object as the person involved. Express your feelings, in as much detail as you can and for however long as you want to, to it as you would to the person, and then break it or discard the object, symbolizing the act of letting go.

• Journaling: To break unwanted habits, meticulously journal each instance of the undesired action. The act of writing down the behavior, coupled with the intention to stop, signals to your brain that the action is undesirable. This conscious reminder gradually reinforces the decision to cease the habit.

• Seeking External Support: If self-help is not working, seeking assistance from an external source, like a coach or counselor, offers valuable perspectives. A coach's probing questions can penetrate your subconscious mind, disrupting the usual pattern of predictable self-questioning. External input enables a more authentic exploration of thoughts, unencumbered by the constraints of one's logical mind.

In a world where stress has taken up residence in our homes and anger and frustration are close neighbors, these letting-go techniques demand only modest investments of time and effort. Yet, they serve as bridges from the conscious to the subconscious, fostering letting-in a healthier mental state.