Let Go of Insecurity and Find Your Confidence

Overcoming self-doubt is a challenge for everyone, but I see so many incredible and accomplished women hold themselves back that it felt appropriate to dedicate this Women’s History Month newsletter to the topic. We have enough obstacles to overcome, let’s remove the ones we place in the way ourselves and rewrite the narrative on confidence. Let's not just own the room; let's redesign it!

There are five signs you struggle with insecurity:

• Qualifying statements like “I think”, “I’m not the expert”, I’m not sure, but...”
• Downplaying your accomplishments, emphasize what’s missing instead like “Thanks, but I didn’t finish that report as well as I wanted.”
• Allowing negative self-talk to determine your actions like “I’m not qualified”, “who am I to apply for that role” or “I’m not ready”
• Focusing on what you ‘should’ have done like “I should have stayed at work later” or “I should have taken the time to read that extra book.”
• Idolizing and comparing themselves to others like “I’ll never be as qualified as XYZ” or “They’ll obviously pick her because she has it all together.”

I have heard several C-suite female executives distract from the presentations they’ve spent weeks building and verifying by saying – “oh, I forgot to add this line of data in.”, “ideally, I would’ve added this.”, “this is my first year in role, I’m still learning.”, “that’s a good question, I should’ve added a slide on that.” All diminish your work, and the work of your team.

The inner critic and inner coach

Let’s keep our inner critic. This is an important part of our mind that signals where we need to take a step back to regroup, possibly learn more, or prepare differently. The issue is when the critic takes over, paralyzing our actions or even becomes destructive. When we look at authentic leaders we admire, they usually show some vulnerability and don’t try to be ‘perfect’. We can all learn from this.

It’s important we acknowledge where this came from, whether it be our parents, society, or the pressure you put on yourself. You can change your thinking, but it will take practice and intentional focus to redefine it. I’ve personally had to completely redefine that term. ‘Perfect’ no longer means remembering every data and bullet point I prepared, but instead leaving a presentation having communicated the themes clearly and with impact. It also means being in the moment, no longer about the script, but have I responded to the needs of the audience, helped them connect to the ‘why’ and compelled them to action? The rest are details that can be addressed later.

Let’s give our inner coach center stage. Helping us to identify our strengths and see opportunities. Allowing us to OWN our opinions and presence.

You are confident, you just need to claim it!

• Highlight your strengths
• See challenges as learning opportunities vs potential embarrassments
• Instead of thinking of what you lack, instead focus on how you can help others

This does not mean becoming the ‘alpha’ or ‘fake it till you make it’. This can backfire, coming across as aggressive or disingenuous. Be genuine and real, what you’ve accomplished and who you are is enough.

When the inevitable sweaty palms and rapid heartbeat come, here are three questions you can ask yourself:

• What can you control?
• What’s the worst that can happen?
• How would your mentor or someone you admire handle this?

How you frame your idea also matters.

• Tell a great story
• Frame it in company, not personal, benefits
• If natural to you, leverage your collaboration skills and empathy to gain supporters

Effective leaders understand that data alone doesn’t inspire; it’s the story weaved through the numbers that truly makes employees listen and act. It’s the difference between presenting a strategic plan as a list of bullet points or as humans narrating an engaging vision of the future in which each of the listeners has a starring role.

?When crafting a narrative to accompany such a vision, it is imperative to tap into common emotions such as hope, fear, ambition, and resilience. Leaders can use personal experiences (their own or someone else’s) or the history of their organization to illustrate abstract points. They need to make their audience see themselves in the story and close the gap between present and future.

?If you feel like what you’re thinking has already been said or done at some point, remember no one has lived your life or has your perspective. You will always bring a unique point of view to any issue. What’s important is that you continue to not just be brave but be unapologetic as you share your brilliance with the world.

As you begin discovering your confidence, it’s OK to start small, building a small group of supporters. Speaking in a team meeting or within your community may be safe spaces to find your footing and ask for feedback. What’s important is that you start and then become bolder over time. It’s so important that we be seen.?

Generally, women excel in small groups or 1:1, often behind the scenes, but shy away from public speaking. Public speaking is the fastest way to build your reputation, gain advocates and be heard. Finding opportunities to kick-off your next team off-site, lead a workshop, be on a panel, or present to a client is a fast-track to success and building your confidence. Do me a favor – don’t turn those opportunities down like I did for so many years. Shifting my perspective on this accelerated my career, just think if I’d done it sooner!

Conclusion

Bottom line: confidence should not be a garment worn to fit into a role. It should be the armor forged from our own stories, experiences, and the authenticity of our journey. Women in leadership often face the paradox of needing to exhibit confidence while remaining likable and warm. But who says we can't be both assertive and empathetic? Competent and kind? It's about finding that sweet spot where we can stand tall without standing on tiptoe.

As we navigate our professional environments, we should aim to strike a balance, fostering a culture where vulnerability is not mistaken for weakness but celebrated as a facet of a multifaceted leader. After all, confidence is not just about "leaning in" or "standing your ground." It's about leaning on each other and creating a ground where everyone can stand together.

If you’re interested in exploring these concepts in a way that is specific to your approach and situation, please reach out to schedule an executive coaching consultation.

https://calendly.com/promoteleaders/introduction

Additional Resources

How Confidence Is Weaponized Against Women ( hbr.org )

Do Women Shy Away from Public Speaking? A Field Experiment | IZA - Institute of Labor Economics

Storytelling is a powerful communication tool — here’s how to use it, from TED |

How to Tell a Great Story ( hbr.org )

What’s Imposter Syndrome and How To Overcome It ( clevelandclinic.org )