Let Go of Fear

Ask Avinash Ananda?

This is a series of questions and answers where the questions are asked by participants of Avinash Ananda's "live" seminars and workshops, and the answers are transcribed from Avinash's responses.

Question from Uday:

Please talk to us about fear and how to overcome it. As a student in college, I get scared to make presentations in front of a group of people. I also get afraid when my exams are approaching! How do I deal with this?

Avinash Ananda Answers:

Interesting topic! Let's talk about how you can overcome fear. Fear is a natural emotion. Fear can sometimes be good protection against us doing wrong things. For example, it is natural to have a fear of touching fire, because that fear will prevent you from putting your hand in the fire and getting burnt. Which is a good thing, isn't it? The problem is when fear becomes too big and it becomes illogical and it stops us from moving forward in life. So we must learn how to deal with fear. And how to overcome fear.?

See, sometimes in our mind, we make things bigger than what they really are. Imagination is a great ability that all human beings have. But instead of imagining positive things, instead of imagining that things will be good, sometimes we imagine the worst. The problem happens when we imagine things that make us so afraid that we get stuck. Usually what you fear is not really as big and bad as you imagine it will be. A beautiful acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.?

Let me share with you a story. There was a young boy who wanted to become a warrior. His master told him that to be a true warrior he must first win his fight against Fear. He was afraid of Fear. But he wanted to obey his master. So he took his weapons and got ready for battle. Fear looked huge in front of this little boy. The boy was intelligent and he gathered some courage and asked Fear, "Who are you really?" Fear was surprised. Usually, people only ran away from him. They never spoke to him. So he replied, " I am your friend. I am here to protect you" When he said this, he became smaller. The boy was pleasantly surprised. " My master says I am supposed to fight you. What is the best way to win this fight against you?" he continued the conversation. Fear replied, "The way to win over me is to make me small again. You have to make me so small that you become bigger than me." "How do I do that?" the boy asked. " By focusing on courage, by being logical, and by not listening to me when I grow big." And saying that fear became smaller than the boy!?

This story has a message. Fear is in our minds. Fear is our mind's way of protecting us from danger. So it is okay to feel some fear. But we must not let fear become big. You must not imagine the worst. You must not listen to illogical fears and you must have the courage to face your fears. Then you will be stronger and bigger than your fear.?

I will share with you two more acronyms for FEAR. F.E.A.R. is Forget Everything And Run! Fear makes us want to run away from whatever we fear! But what we should do is F.E.A.R, Face Everything and Respond!

You must face what you fear and respond in the correct way.. and you will find that the fear will become small again!?

Let me tell you another story that may be relevant to you since you mentioned you have a fear of presentations. My nephew came to me once and told me, " Uncle Avi, I get very scared to speak in front of a group of people. But my class teacher has asked me to make a presentation in front of all my teachers tomorrow. And I'm very afraid!"?

So I asked him, " What happens to you when you stand up and talk in front of an audience?" He said, " I don't know because I never did it before! But even when I think about it or try to practice, then I start sweating, my hands start trembling, my feet feel all wobbly and my throat dries up and I start shaking!"?

He then asked me, " What should I do?" I said, "Practice more. If you practise enough and you learn how to make good presentations that will make you more confident and your fear will go away!"?

He said, " Okay, that is good advice. The more I practise , the more I prepare, the less will be my fear. But I know the speech. I still feel scared. And I have to do this speech tomorrow morning! What can I do? How can I hide my fear?"?

I said, "Don't hide your fear. Tell them!" He said, " Tell them what?!" I said, "Tell them what's happening to you. Say to your audience, 'Dear respected teachers. I'm standing here in front of you and I'm very afraid...my hands are shaking, my legs are shaking, my mouth is drying up and I'm forgetting what I have to say even though I know it well.' " He asked me in a surprised tone, " Really? I should tell them?" I said, " Yes. Just face it. And tell them the truth!"?

He did it! The next evening when I met him, I asked him, " How did your speech go?" He said, " It was fantastic!" I said, " Tell me what happened!" He said, " I stood up, and told them 'Dear teachers, my hands are shaking, my mouth is dry, I'm very afraid! this is the first time I'm giving a talk' "?

I asked him, " What did they say?"?

He replied, "They said ' Don't worry, it happened to us also the first time! Continue, continue!' They encouraged me! And it was easy for me then! "?

I said, " See! Face it! Never run away from your fears and you will overcome your fears. And after you do it a few times, you will be even more confident "?

Do what you fear and the fear will disappear. Learn well, be prepared, and the confidence will replace the fear! Be yourself and imagine positive things happening instead of imagining bad things happening and you will be able to handle things better!?

Have you heard the saying, "getting butterflies in your stomach"? Fear feels like that sometimes! You can feel it in the body!

Even Shahrukh Khan probably gets butterflies in his stomach before a big performance. But the key is to recognize that this is your body getting ready for action, getting ready for facing something important. So while it is natural to have butterflies in your stomach, it is important to train your butterflies to fly in formation. Train your mind by imagining and expecting the best to happen.?

So if, for example, as you mentioned, exams make you afraid, the way to overcome that fear is to study well, prepare well and then on the day of the exam, be relaxed. Imagine yourself completing the paper so well and tell yourself, "I know my subject, it will go great! " And then that relaxation, that confidence, that preparation, will make you do great in your exams!?

The way to overcome fear is to train your mind to be calm and be confident. And there are many ways to train your mind. You can meditate, listen to music, breathe deep, relax, prepare well, imagine the best, tell yourself you will do great, then do your best and leave the rest! Your fear will be replaced by confidence and courage and happiness.