Let The Fucker Burn

My husband and I were watching American Experience last night. We are PBS junkies. It was on the Big Burn forest fires back in 1910. My husband commented that they needed to realize that they just had to let the fucker burn. Use fire breaks to attempt to slow it down and deprive it of oxygen but that fucker is going to burn. It’s the nature of fire. Just look at poor California now. We actually considered moving to Paradise when I was in high school. Thankfully we stayed in Canada or we may have no home left of even worse, be dead. I guess that’s just the nature of things. Sometimes you just have to let the fucker burn.

We all set our lives on fire from time to time, intentional or not. It happens and you just have to learn to let the fucker burn. Expend your energy on fire breaks instead of attempting to put the fire out head on. That just leads to burns and scars that don’t go away. It’s a hard concept to learn, just let it burn. We talk about burning things to the ground all the time but we don’t actually do it. I would love to set my lupus filled life on fire at times and see what happens but somehowI think I will only come out worse for wear.

My lupus has been flaring as I had to reduce my cannabis oil. It was only a bit over the course of a week but I am really feeling it. The pain levels have skyrocketed. I can’t sleep or walk properly or even stand up straight. I have spent today in bed working because it is the only place I can get comfortable. I can’t believe just how important the oil is to my health. I start to fall apart really fast without it. It is scary and painful and takes a long time to recover from. The damage starts right away and it is never totally repaired. 

I don’t like being dependant on any medication but I would rather it be cannabis that opiates or benzos. That shit will kill you. What’s the worst that happens with cannabis? I eat an entire cheesecake? I laugh a lot? I feel better and can function and live life. I can take care of my beautiful, perfect son and my husband whose health isn’t really any better than mine. I like being able to live my life and think I have that right. Under our Constitution and Charter of Rights and Freedoms, I have the right to make those choices and to access medicine in my community,

Too many communities and all levels of government are breaking the law and ignoring the rights of patients across the country. Courts have repeatedly said patients have the right to access medical cannabis in their community yet it is harder than ever to access and what is available is not medicine. It is poison. Full of powdery mildew and pesticides which make patients even sicker. Canada is failing at marijuana legalization badly and it has been failing patients for years.

For over forty years, our courts have been reaffirming the rights of patients to medical cannabis in their community and successive governments have passed unconstitutional legislation after unconstitutional legislation with no recourse. It is time our politicians had to answer for passing laws that violate our Constitution and Charter. These documents set Canada apart from the rest of the world yet our governments chose to thumb their nose at them time and time again. 

I for one am tired. Tired of being sick and in pain. Tired of not being able to get through the day. Tired of fatigue and missed parties, family events and outings due to bad health. Tired of being lied to by politicians who only care for themselves. Politicians who have no idea what it is like to live a real life, full of pain and suffering, fighting and loss. I am just tired of it all. Tired of being promised change and never getting it. Of being lied to by politicians who forget about you the minute the election is over. I am tired of being told I don’t matter because I am sick,

I may be sick but I can still run a household, raise a child, support my sick husband, run my own business and blog and get the usually daily duties we all face like laundry and grocery shopping done. I am not useless. I can accomplish a lot. I was raised to be a fighter and I don’t give up easily. If I go away, you can count on my coming back, again and again.

I am attempting to create a good life for myself and my family. I refuse to back down and will not be told I am not good enough because I am sick. In fact, I have a pretty unique view on life due to my experiences. This translates in my work and creativity. I refuse to be miserable and sick. I may be sick and in pain but I am still going to live my life with access to medicine in my community. It isn’t a big ask and it’s my right. Canada is a country of rights and freedoms. We pride ourselves on this. We hold it up like a shining beacon of light but we ignore it in our own country. Things have to change.

It’s time the government started passing Constitutional laws. It is time they started respecting tax payers and all Canadian citizens. Politicians should be held to account for passing unconstitutional laws. It costs taxpayers a bloody fortune fighting all these cases in court that the government can’t win. Enough is enough. It is time for change. We need to speak up and act. We need to push for and demand change. We deserve better from our elected officials. It’s time to band together and call them out for their bullshit. It’s their bullshit, not ours and they should clean it up quickly and set things right. I don’t want your bullshit, I have enough of my own.