Let it Flow: on Disney's latest blockbuster and why we need to talk about periods
I had originally planned to write another post today, about a different Disney movie, which I am exploring as a way to do inner child work… and the vast psychological content in these films, some of it slipping past unnoticed by a younger audience, but hopefully instilling the nice moralistic values of whatever this singing elephant wants us to believe. I also keep coming back to various Disney archetypes (especially from what I think of as the new-wave of Disney films and not the simpering princesses of my own childhood; the ones that are brave and fearless in pursuit of their destiny, not the ones millennials were supposed to idolise who gladly gave up their voice for a human man) as ways to engage children with different psychological content, through an accessible and recognisable character. And let’s be honest I think about this a lot because I’m a parent and I have spent over a decade watching films with animated cars and cats and singing intervals and a tidy conclusion with a moral about the importance of friendship or teamwork or believing in yourself, the way that movies for children are written.
But the reason I feel compelled to write this blog today is because the latest Disney release Turning Red has got a whole bunch of adult viewers… well, turning red. I’ll try not to go too much into detail in case you are the kind of person who cares about spoilers, but Turning Red is Disney’s latest offering, released last week. It is a coming-of-age story set in present day Canada, in a Chinese-Canadian household. Thirteen year old Mei deals with the conflicts of becoming a teenager, locking heads with her overbearing mother, her boyband obsession and her loyal group of friends. It’s a story about friendship, dealing with big emotions and the clash of balancing family duties, expectations of a collectivist culture with Western ideals and the hyper-obsessiveness of teenage girls in their fandom. So far an interesting mix of culture and classic tropes. But. As you’d expect in a coming-of-age film there’s also some… coming of age.
Without giving too much away if you’ve even seen so much as a trailer or poster for this film, the action of the story comes from Mei discovering a family secret, where the women of her family have the ability/ curse of turning into a chaotic giant red panda upon experiencing extreme emotions. Before she learns of this matrilineage though Mei tries to hide her sudden changes from her parents, leading her concerned mother to ask if the changes Mei is experiencing are her periods. And by this let me be clear, none of this is explicit. Mei’s mum asks through a bathroom door “is it that… did the red peony bloom?” She later shows up armed with pads and offering B Vitamins or ibuprofen. This is it in terms of period talk. If you’ve read the criticisms of the film, people saying it is sexualised, or too much for children, know that what these people are complaining about is the fact that the mere existence of a period is alluded to. You’d be forgiven seeing how angry some adults have got over this scene, for thinking that someone in Pixar head office okayed an animated version of the red wave scene in The Shining in this PG film. Or that your latest Disney princess looks like Carrie after the homecoming dance. You’d be forgiven for missing the period talk altogether if like most of us you watch movies with your phone in your hand.
And while lots of online outlets have deconstructed these arguments from feminist and biological and educational standpoints, and you may have read some already, I really want my main point in this article to be that this is a film For Children. Any extra layers of sexualisation that adults are reading into this film are the products of an adult’s mind (and if you think thirteen year old girls biology is sexual then you belong on a register my guy, stop watching kid’s films). I have spent years working and learning with and alongside children, through early years up till the pre-adolescent stage my son and his friends are at now. I have done safeguarding training at least once a year, recognising and knowing what to do when faced with disclosure or signs of abuse. Not once in those ten years has “child has a factual and age-appropriate knowledge of biology” been a warning sign. Never once have I encountered, worked with or even heard of a child traumatised because a cartoon they watched had the word “pad” in it. I offer my experiences here as credentials, I know children pretty well and I can guarantee you that not one child gave a fuck about the “period talk” in Turning Red. Either they have had that conversation at home, in their PSHE lessons, it’s happening to them or their friends – in which case they shrugged their shoulders and said oh yeah, that’s what that is about. Or it went over their heads. Best case scenario is that your kid understands some significant conversation is going on here, hears something they don’t understand and asks you, their grown-up what that means. What is the red peony (please god disabuse your children of all flowery notions of their own biology), mum what’s ibuprofen for? Why does she need a pad? What even is a pad if not a thing you write on? Hopefully then you, the responsible grown-up, get over yourself and your own cringe enough to have a factually based conversation with your kiddo (more on this below), they get bored within a few minutes and ask you when they can have screentime.
The other possibility that exists though is that you or your kid or the dynamic between you for whatever reason isn’t conducive to your child asking curiously about this phenomena they’ve seen in a film, or for you to honestly and without stigma answer their questions. If this is the case, then you have to be brave, see below too – but also know that a Disney film normalising and talking about these kind of issues is already starting to change the landscape and society in which these kids will learn about and or experience periods. It’s changing the kinds of conversations kids are having in playgrounds. It’s opening up opportunities for honest and open conversation. The un-ease you might feel about talking about “this stuff” is being dismantled by the very film that made you need to address this with your kid in the first place. If all you can bear to share with your kid is letting them watch this film then a normal, healthy, non-sensationalised (aside from the allegorical anamorphism, I mean) depiction is a gift to children and families.
The reason I can say with a lot of confidence that I know children are not being traumatised by this film is that to children everything is either a curiosity or an unknown. They simply do not have the knowledge or experience of… well… anything until it is explained and experienced. They have not yet been warped by a misogynistic society that tells us that this is dirty, bad or should be kept a secret. They don’t realise that period talk in a film is taboo because they don’t yet know what the norms are. And isn’t this a great opportunity to counter that and make sure that the information they receive is accurate, fact-based and without shame?
There’s also a very valid point to be made about the things that are already quite normalised for kids, things like the fact their baby teeth fall out and a whole new set of teeth will appear in their place, having been waiting in their gums for the opportunity. Furthermore we tell them a tiny fairy flies into their room at night and collects up these teeth in exchange for money. And yet no one is worrying about the potential harm of bedroom raiding fairies who literally buy your bones for some reason?
I’ve spent the last twelve years reflecting and trying to work out the best ways to raise a feminist boy, without stigma or toxic masculinity and with the extra challenge of raising him on my own, without a father figure I can pass him off to to have the conversations about puberty and beards or girls or whatever I aim to raise my son to have pride and respect and strength and bravery to do the right things, cry when he needs, be a good friend and to support the people around him*. Also, as any parent will attest to – unaccompanied bathroom time is often a luxury, and as discrete as one can be, sometimes my kid has seen a mooncup on the side of a sink, or asked why there is blood in the toilet. So, I offer you some of the things I have said to him through the years, things that I believe are age and stage appropriate, use them and share them as you see fit.
* Early years (aged five-ish) “Before a baby is born they grow in a womb, inside their parent’s tummy. Every month the womb gets ready in case they get pregnant, almost like creating a nest. If they do get pregnant then that is a space for the baby to grow, but if they don’t get pregnant then the nest comes out, and that is what a period is.”
* Junior school (6-11 ish – bearing in mind kids, especially young girls can start puberty around age 8) – from around teenagehood every month the womb lining gets thicker and prepares the body in case the person gets pregnant. If they don’t get pregnant that month then the lining comes out of the vagina and that is what a period is.”
Age 12+ (maybe earlier for young girls, but this applies to boys too – please have this conversation with your boys) – Menstruation is one of the stages that a body goes through in a monthly cycle. Different hormones go up and down through the month causing the four different stages and can make us feel and act in different ways, for example being more tearful or more energetic. At ovulation, which is one of the stages, a tiny egg is released into the womb. The womb lining starts to get thicker to create a kind of cushion, if the person gets pregnant that month then this cushions the baby. If they don’t get pregnant then the egg and the lining come out of the vagina, with a little bit of blood, and that is what a period is. It’s not a lot of blood, but sometimes the body squeezes a little to get the period out so it can cause tummyache or the hormones can make the person feel more tired or gumpy.”
The important thing here is to offer opportunity to ask questions, if there is something you don’t know then suggest you look it up together. Use clear and simple descriptions and proper names for anatomy. Also I think it’s important to stick with facts and reflect separately on what are your own attitudes, hang-ups and stereotypes, that are not based in fact.
Thankyou for reading and thankyou for having these conversations with your kids.
*Please also know that I say this unsanctimoniously, there have undoubtedly been times I got this wrong and I share this anecdote to prove to you I am not some high and mighty perfect liberal feminist mother: my son caught me examining my pre-menstrual bloat in the full-length mirror we have in the hallway… he asked me why I looked so fat (the bloat gets me more than any other symptom and sits uncomfortably on my otherwise smallish frame) I told him I was bloated because my period was due. He knows from previous conversations that a period is a thing mommy has where an egg comes out, so I figure this will be satisfactory. Oh, he tells me, so, how big is this egg, holding out his hands to the size of an ostrich egg and I realise he thinks I have this protruding belly because I am currently pregnant with a giant egg.
