Let the Colors Mingle

After my last Dream Coach Tip, I had several people express some guilt about not spending time with their parents. It's hard. Life happens, and it happens fast. Before we know it, years fly by.

Again, did you do anything wrong? Probably not. It may just be more regret than guilt; at least I think it is for me. Maybe I don't feel I have gotten to know my parents like I think I should or like I want to.

Each year I send out Brad's Annual Questions to my family. They all do it, but I'm not sure they like it. I know my parents don't, but it sure has helped me get to know them all better. This year, COVID-19 was a big theme in the list of questions.

If you are looking to get to know someone in your life better, the best way is to just sit with them, to be fully present and listen. In my opinion, this skill can be used everywhere. The best salespeople, the best leaders, our best friends, are the ones that really get to know us. That's why I love what I do; I get to know people more than what I would normally get to and often hear about their experiences in life, both good and tough.

But if you are like me and need a little structure, or maybe the person you are talking to responds better on paper than verbally (which many introverts like me might do), here is an idea:

My kids gifted me with a service called StoryWorth. Each week I am sent a question that I answer. At the end of a year, all the answers can be compiled in a book and given to someone. I have enjoyed it so much that I got it for my parents, and I have loved hearing some of the responses and experiences that I never knew before.

____________________________

  Tell me about one of the best days you can remember. What is your idea of perfect happiness? What is one of the most favorite trips you have taken, and what made it so good? What do you consider one of your greatest achievements in life? What is one of the bravest things you have done, and what was the outcome?

_______________________

Each week when I answer my questions, they truly make me reflect. Usually, it brings back a good memory and reminds me of something I enjoy or what I want to do. But mostly, I learn a little more about who I am. And when I read what my parents wrote for their answers, it just brings me a little closer to them.

I've also found it a good way to learn from my parents' wisdom, and I can pass on a few things (I am not sure I would call what I have wisdom) to my kids. You don't have to be a coach to leave tips for your kids or those around you. StoryWorth can be a vehicle to do that, but you do it every day by how you live, how you act, how you speak, how you love, how you serve and how you care.

To a great extent, we are what we see. At least I learn more from what I see people do every day versus what I may read in a self-help book or the tips I offer. That is why we have more impact in the world than many of us think we do.

I wish I didn't rely so much on the structure of a resource like StoryWorth, but I have also come to accept that I am not perfect. (I know I was surprised too, ha ha).

I love what I heard from a wonderful friend. I mentioned I loved a painting they made and that it looked so real. Not knowing that much about watercolors, they responded, "But it is watercolor. I don't think it is supposed to look real. I started out wanting to explore the blended colors and then went all realistic. Like I was trying to control the outcome, not let it flow. I need to get them back out and experiment with color and letting it be more fluid. Easily a metaphor for life. I need to work on letting go of perfect and letting the colors mingle."

Wow, to me, that was powerful.

I feel like I am arriving more and more in life. Realizing what's important and that being perfect is not important. Many have heard of FOMO (fear of missing out), but more of us have dealt with FOWOT (fear of what others think). I sure have. I wanted people to think I had it all together.

I realize now that the parts that have been chiseled away by life's experiences continue to make me who I am. I used to think this new perspective was due to age-that I don't care as much about what others thought of me. I know now that I care more about what the right people think.

This past weekend I spent time with my daughter and her family. My grandson and I played with more trucks in a few days than I have in a lifetime and loved it. Grayson has learned his Dad's name is Kipp, his Mom's is Jenna and Lollie's (Grandma's) is Marla. He calls me Papa, and he said my real name is Grandpa. Wow, my heart melted. (My granddaughter calls me Gampa. Again, my heart melts every time.)

Besides being Grandpa, I focus on my kids seeing me as a loving Dad, my wife seeing me as a lifelong partner, my friends as a trustworthy friend, and my associates as a true contributor. It's not that I don't care what others think. I just want to make sure that by being me, I am who I need to be for those that mean the most to me, even if it's not perfect.

I always thought it was my work, and what I earned or learned from that would help me in my personal life. Although it's still a work-in-progress, I'm seeing that it's what I learn by allowing the colors to mingle—by being more vulnerable and accepting imperfection in my personal life—that is improving my work, and more importantly, all the buckets in my life.

___________________________________________

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging. Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.” - Brene Brown

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect, it means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” - Anonymous

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” – Steve Maraboli