The Lessons of the Past (Part 1)

Parents' fierce tenacity in their zeal to nurture their offspring into a paragon of accomplishment often creates phenomenal expectations from their children.

This expectation is not perhaps surprising, considering as parents, they will base their actions on their children's best interests and future. What is unfortunate is when parents imbibe the spirit of competition in their child to such an extent that they experience a series of emotions ranging from stress, anxiety, envy, jealousy and fear. The children also grow up believing that competition is all around, instead of focusing on utilising their potential and being the best version they can be.

If I were to reveal how my past has shaped me, my background was admittedly one where the expectations only focused on my potential and working on them. Regarding how long I took to realise the wisdom in such an approach? Well, that's another story!

I was born into my family that was blessedly wealthy when it came to an abundance of love and harmony. Ever since I could remember, my parents were always in love with each other, and this love created a profound sense of security, peace and balance in our home. My Dad started his business when I was in sixth grade. A few years later, our lifestyle became more comfortable, e.g., instead of travelling by bus, we started touring in a car.

Ironically, it would be difficult for me to tell which mode of transportation I preferred since each had its charm. The bus ride would be great fun thanks to Dad, who would narrate exciting anecdotes from his childhood and navy days, while the car journey would also be fun since Dad would be driving us, joking with us and giving us a continuous guided tour of the trip. The fascinating aspect of our family's gradual rise in financial prosperity was that it never really made a drastic change in the way we led our life. My parents' belief in unpretentiousness and compassion made them the kind of souls that anyone could relate to, no matter what background they came from. When I talk of happiness and the impact it has had in my growing years, my parents' humane approach to relationships has undeniably positively affected my approach to life and people.

Celebrate Life!

It would not be an exaggeration to say that my Dad portrayed an abundance of happiness when he lived his life. He came from a very humble background and was the eldest of four children. He shouldered the responsibility as the primary breadwinner of his family when he was still in his teens. But by the way, he celebrated life and his generosity towards all; one would think he may have grown up in comfort and privilege. He would always approach each day enthusiastically, joyously. Das celebrated us in his unique way; it was not through buying gifts or taking us on shopping trips that he celebrated us; it was always there for us, being our mentor and our best friend. I never had many toys to play with as a child, and the fact never bothered me. Each day had its thrilling surprise (if you can see it in that light!).

I still remember how as an eight-year-old, I had brought home a battered teddy bear I found on my way from school and lovingly created a tiny bed using an old laundry basket that my Mom did not need. I was thrilled to shampoo the teddy and felt delighted to "give it a home". It never bothered me that it was thrown away and was not new. I never felt a sense of wanting anything as I felt blessed to have everything I needed or wanted in my growing years. I was foremost deeply conscious of being loved and grew up in an environment, where thanks to my caring Mom and Dad, I learnt values, and primarily what defines happiness in life.

Teach Children Self-belief.

During my school years, I had never allowed my teachers to believe I had any potential. But that never mattered in the slightest to my Dad; he was forever telling me that I can do well once I put my mind to it. In my many moments of self-doubt, he would also tell me that I am unique, and I can do what I wish to if I focus and believe in it. The continuous motivation that he gave me meant a lot, especially when I became self-motivated to improve myself and make progress. While facing every challenge during my self-development journey, my Father's words of encouragement would always spur me to work with greater focus and commitment. Its been almost three years since he passed away, and even though he is no more, he is as alive for me as when he was physically present, thanks to the guidance and impact he had on my life.

Practice Gratitude.

The first lesson that my parents taught me about being happy was to be grateful for what we have. Despite the challenges he faced in life, Dad was always optimistic and ever grateful. Whenever things may not go the way we expect them to go, he always reminds us just how lucky we are. Even when during the initial struggling years of his marine service and sales business, he was unbelievably chirpy and optimistic even when he returned home late at night or early morning from work. There would always something that he had to laugh about, and he would always ask how our day went.

From my own life so far, I've realised my past plays a significant role in my life today. Whether it is the love I had received in abundance as a child or the security I was blessed to enjoy, I'm not sure. Still, my happiness and desire to improve (even during challenges) have always gained from the strength of the abundant joy I had experienced during my childhood. This joy had immensely supported me during the traumatic personal experience that I had years later too. Through my association with my loving and humble parents, I learned that whether we are parents, or just adults or even teenagers, what we learned as wisdom during our early years through our close relationships experiences invariably provides us strength in later years.

For many whose past has provided trauma more than joy, please kindly note that it is never late to enjoy the life you deserve. History reflects the lives of many courageous individuals who have unimaginably struggled only to emerge triumphantly to face life after those horrifying past experiences. So if any of you have doubts regarding your life and the future ahead, the time has arrived to love yourself more and work on healing the pain of the past - no matter what your history may have been. It is time to stop allowing it to haunt you and take away your present happiness and make personal and professional progress a realisation to a joyful future.

Each of us is unique, and our life is a precious gift for us to enjoy, celebrate and make the best of.