Lessons in parenting and six tips for making mental models extra mental
No.141:?Fri 14?Apr?2023
Hi Hannah, it’s Dan?here.
?“How can we bring more harmony to what feels like an increasingly fractious household?”
This was the question my wife and I were wrestling with as our family came out of lockdown.
Fortunately this wasn’t a marital question.
Specifically we felt like we needed help as parents - with lowering the temperature on sibling disagreements and on parent/child disagreements.
How fortunate we were to find the wonderful Priscilla Bacon, a psychotherapist based in Ealing. We had maybe six sessions with her, and came away with so many helpful pointers.
What was the most useful takeaway?
A simple framework she gave us, built off two macro principles:
1.?Reflective Listening
2.?Descriptive Praise
Throughout our conversations, Priscilla would continually hold up Post-Its displaying ‘RL’ and ‘DP’, reorientating the parentally perplexed back to what mattered.
Beneath these two pillars (of which more at the bottom), Priscilla had a whole range of techniques which we were able to put into action straightaway. Resulting in the occasional outbreak of peace.
For us, the model became a simple mnemonic for better parenting behaviours. Something we tried to keep in mind when temperatures were rising. So that, little by little, we acquired the muscle memory.
The good news is that La Casa Gibson is marginally calmer these days. And whether they’re aware of it or not, NextGen Gibson have been tamed (ok, partially tamed) by this simple framework. Everyone is happier.
Recently I have found myself musing again on the value of frameworks.
Simple models such as that used by Priscilla?can be so tremendously powerful as tools.
They are a way to capture narrative.
A way to distil strategy.
A way to align teams (professional as well as parental).
So that when they are executed well, they have an alchemy to them: they are greater than the sum of their parts, their impacts come with a whiff of wizardry.
At BeenThereDoneThat, we find ourselves generating these models more and more.
In the last fortnight alone, we have created three warmly received frameworks.
A new portfolio architecture for one of the best loved brands in the Middle East.
A new strategy house for a range of frozen foods across Europe.
A new vision and Jobs To Be Done (JTBDs) for the Marketing function of a major UK bank.
Each one explicitly in the service of growth.
I have always been fascinated by the structure of these models.
Because in my experience, when teams find themselves at cross purposes, it’s often because misalignment has unknowingly been raging across different levels of altitude.
One party may be engaging around a strategic pillar, for example, while the other is focussed on the strength of a proofpoint.
A good framework resolves these questions of altitude, arming its users with the right laddering and the right lexicon. The tools for a tighter discourse.
A good framework unpacks the thing into its component parts, while simultaneously repacking them for clarity and momentum.?
A good framework becomes a mental model, a navigational heuristic accelerating us in new directions.
So as practitioners in these models, what have we learned?
1. Let the North Star shine.?A vision at the top drives coherence across everything beneath.
2. Foundation before filling.?Establish structure before content. Don’t get caught in the weeds of the cell content until everyone’s aligned on the overall story.
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3. Insight out.?When you bake in rock solid insight from outside, it’s much more robust, much harder to reject.
4. Ramp up the ‘so what’. Be ultra clear on the implications and actions off the framework. Promote usability. This is where a good model (useful) becomes a tool (invaluable).
5. Make it sing.?Great design and catchy titling make it memorable. Brand it. Beautify it. Liberally alliterate so there’s lust for lamination.?Liberally alliterate to elicit lust for lamination.
I’ll leave the last word on this theme to Michael Dell:
“You don't have to be a genius or a visionary or even a college graduate to be successful.?
You just need a framework and a dream.”
And possibly a Priscilla.
As ever, we’re curious to hear what you think.
Dan Gibson?(GM, BeenThereDoneThat Europe & International)
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Supporting Articles
Priscilla’s framework is very much derived from this book by Noel Janis-Norton
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