Lessons my Dad left me.

I recently lost my dad to what felt like a sudden loss, but in fact it wasn’t.?

During this confusing period we were trying to determine what had happened and why we had lost our dad and what led to an operation which was addressing the pain in his abdomen where his gallbladder and spleen removed.

As a family we needed answers to our questions. The Dr’s were very vague on the reasoning and didn’t explain much. Until, recently where we found out that in fact our dad (Pops) was suffering from stage 4 colon cancer which metastasized?and begun attacking his internal organs.

It comes out that the Dr's were following our dad's wishes, which he requested they say nothing. Our dad had been kept this from us in order to avoid us or anyone fussing over him. He has always put others before himself and even to this point he continued to do this.

You probably wondering why the title and where are the lessons.

So here they are:

1. Putting others before yourself: My dad loved my mom so much that he wanted to help her following her stroke in 2021. He did not want her or anyone else worrying about him. My dad chose to not have anyone fuss over him or reminding him of the cancer, he just wanted to live life the way it was. His last day in the hospital he got up and gave the person next to him his last few nappies, he then walked to the other person in the ward where he gave his pillow from home. Even in the last hours he put others before him.
2. Your health is important, take care of yourself: Treat your body like an engine, what you put into it will determine how it runs. Take time to drink that extra glass of water, go to the dr and do those check-up’s and never put off that visit not matter how you feel. He was a stubborn ox when it came to getting him to the dr so, never put off what you can do today for tomorrow, listen to your body, it will tell what’s not working and take action.
3. Life has more meaning than the material items you possess: We go through life? thinking about how big our house should be, how many cars should we have or how people look at us based on what we have. After my dad being married with my mom for 51yrs and packing up their house all that remains is four large travel bags. Never lose sight of what’s in front of you - family and friends are important and it’s about building memories that you carry with you. It’s not the material items.
4. Have faith and believe: During the sermon Rev. Cecile shared that a year ago my dad asked that he be baptized. That as an orphan he was never baptized. My dad believed in the Psalm 23:1–6 - “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” He had faith and he knew with faith he would be okay no matter what.
5. Living life with humor brings joy and happiness to any situation: My dad’s dry sense of humor was the highlight of every gathering. He loved hearing and telling jokes, even if they didn’t make sense. Life is too short to put all your attention on the things that stress you. Rather than stress, find the lighter side and focus on uplifting the situation with humor and love. What may seem like hard times, know that there is a silver lining there, seek it and you will find it, find it and you will be happier.
6. Make sure you NEVER carry regret: As I reflected on the past I come to realize that I carry no regret. I made every moment count, from each morning call to check in and see how things are. To their yearly visits with us where we spent endless hours talking and having fun. I do however regret TIME, if only we had more time to fulfill our promises of bringing them to the USA on a permanent basis. A place where they could see out their final years. Although out of our hands we never lost sight of the promise. The difference now is, my mom will come alone and my dad will be by her side in spirit. So if anything, make sure you carry no regrets. Think about what you could or should have done, and do IT. Send the message, make that call, reach out and ask the simple questions “how are you doing?”. I will forever miss hearing my dad say “everything is okay my son, your mom and I and fine” to “the weather is crazy, seems like global warming is real, how’s your weather in Seattle?”

As I continue to mourn our dad’s passing, I celebrate what he has taught and left me. I will forever miss our conversations, our messing around and our spontaneous activities.

I hope that the lessons I have learnt and shared with you, resonate as you reflect on these in your own capacity. That you take these lessons and apply them to your daily life!

In closing, “Dad, as we lay you rest at “Mathekenyane Hill (Koppie) View Point”, may you enjoy the sight overlooking the Kruger Park. Where you can finally see what happens in the early hours of the morning and late hours of the evening. You leave us knowing that you had achieved what you were set to do. Your fun, kind hearted, loving and friendly spirit will forever live in me (us)!”

Until we meet again, LOVE YOU!