Lessons Learnt from an Accidental Life Mentor

My career spans 16 years, having worked in a myriad of industries and roles including the Australian Defence Force, construction, mining and resources, electrotechnology and telecommunications as a consultant, Director, General Manager and Chief Executive Officer. With each and every role, I have learnt what ‘not to do’ and the type of leader and manager I wish to be. I am truly thankful for each of my role models along the way, but sometimes, there are role models in your life whom you never thought would teach you so much…

Nearly five years ago, a professional rugby union player entered my life and my family’s life. I have followed rugby union since I was a little girl, loving the tactics of the game and the physical and emotional strength of those who play. Never did I imagine that I would, one day, be able to call a global professional player my brother-in-law. Now, I realise that all sports have the ability to teach lessons that can be transferred from the playing field to real life, but there are some that my brother-in-law has taught me through osmosis that cannot be found in any other game.

Lesson Number 1: Patience, patience, patience

My brother-in-law typically plays in position 15 (full back) or 14 (wing). Particularly when playing in jersey 14, one has to be patient, knowing that you are on the field but the ball may take a while to get delivered to you. The aim is to realise that you are on the pitch and playing an active role in the game; the second, to keep your head in the game and wait for your time to shine when the ball is delivered to your hands.

Lesson Number 2: Respect and Authority

Throughout our life, both professionally and personally, we will always come up against decisions made by others that we disagree with. On a rugby field, when the referee makes a dubious call, the players reply with ‘sir’ and try not to talk back. This does not portray weakness on behalf of the player – I am positive that each player would fight each and every decision that went against them or their team. Instead, it shows respect for the referee as an individual in their person, as well as the decision they have made.

Lesson Number 3: Roll with the Punches

Unlike grid iron players or other similar sports, rugby union players do not wear padding. Rugby union players face their ‘enemy’ head on, without protection. They consistently drive forward towards their line, never knowing when an opponent will stop them in their tracks. It’s not the size of the player in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in player! They never surrender and they never say die, despite what obstacles are placed in front of them.

Lesson Number 4: Passion Leads to Success

Every sportsperson plays with passion and drive; they are motivated to be on their pitch, their field or their court. After watching every one of my brother-in-law’s games, both nationally and internationally, I have found that rugby players play each and every game with heart, passion and a love for the sport that drives them to win.

Lesson Number 5: Be Brave

Whether it be a scrum or a line out, rugby union players find themselves in some pretty precarious situations where, to the naked eye of the onlooker, it seems pleasant. What we sometimes cannot see if what goes on in the inside of the game, where a dirty prop or hooker takes a cheap shot to stamp their control over the other player. Rugby union players must be intelligent enough to understand the ‘game’ being played but resilient enough to physically bear the brunt of the swipes.

Lesson Number 6: Reach for the Stars

I have not met many people who play sport with as much drive and passion as my brother-in-law. He is not content with just driving for the try line; instead, he pushes for the try line, aiming to have the ball placed directly under the goal posts, going beyond the initial brief to ‘just get over the line’. He is set a target, but he strives to surpass it, motivating himself and his team mates further to achieve brilliance.

Lesson Number 7: Dedication to Task

Undoubtedly, every sportsperson aims to win the game, leading them ever closer to the overall award winners each year. My brother-in-law has taught me that winning is not everything; yes, it is important, particularly from a premiership perspective, but it is also about being able to walk off the field at the end of the game, win or lose, knowing that you had put in 110%. Sometimes in life, it’s about making, and taking, the big hits, and continually getting up to stay in the game until its’ finished.

Lesson Number 8: Decisions – Do Not Overthink It

Despite a coach and team best efforts, a game will never go as planned. In a union game, one minute a team member will be breaking away, ball in hand, sprinting for the opposition’s line and the next, they could be knee deep in a scrum, facing a smelly, hairy prop who is known to play dirty. Last minute decisions about whether to run it alone, throw a dummy or pass to another team member can mean the difference between success and failure, win or lose. Rugby union players know and understand that some situations cannot be planned or trained for, so sometimes, you may need to make a split-second decision, and go it alone. Know yourself and back yourself; if you don’t try, you will never know.

Lesson Number 9: No Pain, No Gain 

Rarely, if ever, do I hear my brother-in-law and other rugby union players sweating the small stuff or whining about issues that are out of their control. Professional players have learnt that, on their respective field or pitch, there is no place for complaints; they get on with the job, work through the any discomfort and wear any injuries like a badge of honour.

Lesson Number 10: Best Things in Life are Free

My brother-in-law is one of the most humbling people I know. There is no false air of supremacy about him and, if anything, he shields me and my family away from the ‘stardom’ aspect of this career. To rugby union players, the game gives them most of what they need; they are content with being able to play the game they love as their career, so constant endorsement and mass validation is not required.  

Lesson Number 11: Teamwork

Players on a rugby team will not always see eye to eye; trust has to be earnt through hard work and dedication to task, but the moment that they step onto the field, their differences are set aside and their team bond ensures that each and every one of them will protect the others. Bringing together various personalities and cultures builds a dynamic team whose bonds will last forever, on and off the field. 

Lesson Number 12: Try and Try Again

At times throughout a game, we see rugby union players struggling to stand after a brutal tackle or finding it almost impossible to stand up when your head is spinning and body is throbbing after being on the bottom of a scrum. But rugby union players have an innate ability to brush all discomfort aside, get back up again and keep pushing towards victory. I remember watching my brother-in-law having all the breath knocked out of him during a game and then struggle to keep a previous ankle injury at bay and, when asked how he kept going, he simply responded: ‘some moments seem impossible; but nothing is impossible – the word itself says I’m possible.’

Lesson Number 13: Prioritise and Balance

We have all seen and heard the stories of sports personalities who get ‘too big, too quickly’, which is why I was worried when my twin sister informed me that she was dating a professional rugby player. Very quickly, I was pleasantly surprised to see that he was different, and he was different thanks to the upbringing of not only his immediate family, but his rugby union family. My brother-in-law is the true epitome of the ‘gentlemen’s game’ of rugby union, being able to prioritise those things that matter to him most, like family and career, over fame and quick fortune.

Every person who enters your life brings with them a lesson – good or bad. Mentors are people who can guide you, help you and nurture your career. Without knowing it, they can also impact your life personally, providing long-term and dedicated commitment to assessing your strengths and weaknesses, assisting with developing skills for success and help you navigate life. Without even knowing it, my brother-in-law has been my ‘coach’ and my adviser, motivating me to be the best I can be. He may have joined my life later than my blood relations and immediate family, but he has made a substantial impact that cannot be overlooked. I am proud to call him my surprise mentor, my brother-in-law, but most of all, my friend.