Lessons Learned. (From the show ring to employee and leader)

The Importance of Winning

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything for my “Lessons Learned.” I went back to the office for work and started teaching psychology classes again, so my free time was limited, and I felt like I was having a bit of a mental block on topics. Alas, I was at a horse show yesterday, not showing myself, just helping out, when a new topic hit me: the importance of winning.

Let me explain. As people who show horses and compete in a sport, we of course, to different extents, have a desire and passion to win. It’s why we spend “the big bucks” to go show instead of just riding around at the barn. I get it. I want to win too. My hopes when going to a show is that I’ll win some of my classes and if a miracle happens, even win them all. Again, it’s part of why athletes compete.

However, at this show, I noticed several young riders who were getting upset over not winning, which made me think about it a little deeper. Am I upset when I don’t win? Well, it depends. Did my horse and I do our best and provide a knockout go? Were there other riders and horses who were better than us and deserved the win more? Or did we have bobbles or mishaps happen? If it’s the first one and we did fantastic, proving we deserved that blue ribbon, then yes, I get a little upset when we don’t win. But as I’ve mentioned before, we’re paying for a subjective opinion, so what can I do about it? There’s some reason they preferred someone else over me; one I’ll probably never know, so why worry over it? On the other hand, if the answer is yes to the other questions, then no, I’m not going to be upset when we take home another ribbon color besides blue. When you show horses, there are so many variables that go into it, that it’s almost impossible to come out with blue every time. Even top riders and horses still give up a blue every now and then. It happens. There may always be a better rider or horse in your class, someone with less baubles or a more flawless pattern, or the judge may just prefer a roan to your chesnut or a black outfit to your teal one. Maybe your horse decides it's going to spook or throw a little buck; maybe you’re so concerned with getting your horse perfect that your own posture dwindles without you realizing it. Maybe the judge catches your mistake, but not someone else’s. Again, THINGS HAPPEN. We can’t always win blue.

As I sit here typing this, I’m watching the Atlanta United FC game against Chicago Fire FC. Atlanta United is a perfect example that you can’t and won’t always be at the top. From their first season, they’ve been setting records left and right, but here we are in their third year and things aren’t looking so great for them. They’ve had a change in managers and players that have kept them from the top of the leaderboard this season even though, they have a team full of talented players. The same can happen with you and your horse. Yes, you may have been winning every class up until now, but here you are at a show and you’re not placing as well. You’re still talented but maybe you or your horse are having an “off” day or maybe other riders have been putting in some hard work and have stepped up their game and become better, making them harder to beat. It could be any combination of things. Maybe your game has dropped - I wasn’t doing well in showmanship earlier this year, a class I’ve got state and world titles in and I was feeling down about the 6th-9th place finishes I was getting. I watched a video of myself though and realized I was making several mistakes I was unaware of! I went home, worked on them, fixed them, and went back to winning the class at my next show!

Anyway, back to this show. I saw so many families (yes, kids and their parents) upset when their child didn’t win (and NOT to say EVERY family). When I would ask how their show was going, I would find out they were still placing, usually in the top three! But because they only won a few blues and had several other colors in their collections, they thought they were having a bad day and were upset. I was SHOCKED! One because I remember being a kid and my excitement over just placing and earning a ribbon of any color (okay, maybe not any color - I’ve never been a fan of pink, but if we’re honest here, two of my favorite color ribbons are 7th place, purple, and 10th place, a light blue/turquoise color - see, I don’t always have to win and get blue ;) ) and I think it’s because I had to work for it. I had a “pasture pony” that I rode and “trained” myself without a trainer (not completely of course, I had a few lessons over the years, but not many - I had to absorb all I could in an hour lesson every once in a while to take back and continue doing myself), so when I was good enough to earn a ribbon, it was a big deal. It wasn’t something that happened very often for me when I was competing against kids with trainers and much more expensive horses. My joy at the end of a show came just from getting to horse show because I like to and from having good goes for my horse and myself. Secondly, I was shocked at the parents responses. How are we teaching our kids sportsmanship, mental toughness, and work ethic, if we’re just as upset over their placings as they are and placing blame on others when maybe the kid earned the placing they got. Finally, what are we teaching our kids if only blue is acceptable? As a type A personality and self-proclaimed perfectionist, I know I can be hard on myself for not getting first or getting A’s on all my schoolwork, but you know what? My mom never pushed for me to get those things. She was the one supporting me and letting me know it was okay when I didn’t win or when I got my first 89 on an assignment. She helped me to know that not being “first” wasn’t the end of the world and that it can happen and it’s made me a better person who can handle failures, learn from them, and work harder. That’s not the attitude I saw this weekend though and it makes me wonder the effects it’s going to have on these children later in their lives - in school, work, and relationships (I guess my psychology background is showing a little). 

I’m proud to say I had the privilege of learning that the “win” isn’t in the blue ribbon. The “win” is in the joy and excitement that comes from getting to ride your horse. The “win” is having a good, consistent go that’s the best you and your horse can do. The “win” is making small improvements or meeting the little goals you’ve set for yourself before a show. Heck, for Eli and I, the “win” sometimes is that we’re even making it to a show. Sometimes the “win” is getting to celebrate your teammate’s win with them because, remember, every time you win, that means others are getting other placings too - it’s nice to celebrate everyone’s accomplishments, not just your own. So, the next time you’re at a show, think about the “wins” you have. Count those up. Not the number of blue ribbons hanging on your stall door. Remember, you’ve already won because you’re riding a horse, so don’t let a little 20 cent ribbon control your attitude for the day. In the long run, you’re not going to remember every win and neither is anyone else, but you will remember the good times you had with your horse and friends, if you make the most of them. I think that has been lost (or was never a thought) for some people.