Lessons Learned (From the ring to employee and leader). - The Art of Communication

Ah, the art of communication; the transference of a message or idea from a sender to a receiver (sounds easy, right?). Whether it be verbal, nonverbal, or written, there’s much to learn from the equestrian world. Horses are herd animals which means they enjoy being around others and are very social animals. Of course, being social requires lots of communicating! If you ever watch a herd of horses, you’ll see lots of verbal and nonverbal communication happening from ears, body movement, kicks, and snorts. Horses have their own language with each other, along with a pecking order, that helps keep the herd safe and together. As riders we can communicate with our horses as well. We can watch their ears and eyes to know what they’re thinking, their mood, and potential next actions. We can use our bodies and voices to get them to move towards us or away from us and cue for certain actions. As with all communicating though, it takes practice to notice all these little traits and to effectively communicate with your horse. Practice that can be transferred to communicating with your co-workers and customers.

Every horse has its own personality and way it wants to be communicated with just like employees, bosses, and customers. For example, we have a sweet mare named Lizzy at our barn. Lizzy wants to love you and be loved by you. She doesn’t handle criticism well and easily gets her feelings hurt. Your communication style has to be soft, gentle, and quiet with Lizzy or else she will fear you. Anyone have a co-worker like that? I have. My previous horse Fonzie though, needed a strong, firm hand to respect and listen to you. I used to often joke that he “likes to be beat,” and no, I don’t mean literally beating my horse - I would never do that! But he needed a good kick or smack on the neck (yes, it hurt my hand more than it could ever hurt him) sometimes before he would behave and listen. As you can imagine, the communication approach taken for Lizzy and Fonzie had to be completely different to successfully work with them. If you approached Fonzie the way you approached Lizzy, he’d be a big bully and walk all over you; while at the same time, if you approached Lizzy the way you did Fonzie, she’d never let you near her again because she’d be afraid of you (yes, horses remember!). Another barn favorite of mine, Memphis, was what I used to joke to my trainer as “touchscreen.” I literally felt like I just had to think about turning or changing speeds and he would do it before I could cue him - responsive as a touchscreen. Just like working with coworkers, bosses, and customers, you have to be able to read people (or horses) and identify their preferred style of communication and be willing to change it up with each interaction. Your goal is to effectively communicate, build a trusting relationship, and accomplish tasks with minimal effort.

In showing, it’s all about minimal effort - you and your horse should move as one with the judges never seeing a cue (I.E the communication happening between you and your horse), just the response of said cue. So how do you get to BFF communication status (you know what I’m talking about...where you just look at each other and know what the other is thinking)? By taking the time to learn your horse’s preferred communication style and working to communicate with them in that way, of course! Just like you have to learn your co-workers’, supervisor’s, and customers’ preferred communication styles to have seamless relationships with them that allow you all to function well. As a leader, it’s my job to learn each of my team members’ styles - some may want over-communication and need reminders while others may operate better with minimal communication and want to keep topics work-focused without ever getting personal. As a leader, I have to learn and respect their wishes if we are to work well together, just like I do with our horses. With my team, this means lots of communicating, both work and personal related, asking questions, getting feedback and input from them, and monthly meetings. We like interacting, but also prefer a lot of autonomy. That’s what works for us, but that doesn’t mean that works for everyone. You have to “read your team” and learn what works best for them. Do they prefer email, telephone, or in-person communication? Can you raise your voice and be demanding without it affecting them, or do you need to take a milder approach? Do you need to ask or answer clarifying questions to be sure you’re on the same page? These are all things that could change with every interaction you have with a new person, whether it be a colleague or customer. To be successful serving people (customers or your co-workers), you’ll have to figure what works best for them and change up your approach each time.

Another challenge of communicating is ambiguity - how do we clearly communicate with someone? When we’re teaching new riders, there’s often LOTS of frustration from the horse and the rider. Why? Because of unclear communication. Our horses are highly trained to respond to certain cues. If you don’t ask them correctly, they get confused, don’t respond, maybe try to respond but guess wrong, or in some cases, just shut down completely and refuse to move/respond at all (sound familiar when working with people?). Just like with these new riders and horses, as leaders or team members, we need to make sure that those around us have the information they need to understand us (do they have the skills to communicate and do they know what we’re talking about to follow along), that we are being clear and concise in our communication (leaving out ambiguity and the possibility for misinterpretation), and we need to follow up for clarification and understanding (are we on the same page or do we need to try another approach?). 

Finally, let’s talk about nonverbal communication. Horses are fantastic at picking up on nonverbal cues - they can feel how you’re sitting in the saddle and respond to your movement, but they can also read your body language - are you tense or relaxed, are you balanced, are you nervous? The horse always knows, even when you don’t, and guess what? They’re going to respond in some way to your non-verbals - if your tense, they’re going to be tense; if you relax, they’ll relax; and if you are nervous, they’re probably going to take advantage of you or get nervous too (they’re prey animals who are trusting you so if you’re nervous or tense, they usually think there is a reason for it and flight instincts kick in). Think about interviews. We often make decisions on candidates based on nonverbal cues - were they smiling, were they leaning forward in their seat or leaning back with their arms crossed, did they make eye contact? All of these notions are running through our head, even while the verbal communication process is going on. We might not be aware of it, but it’s affecting the way we feel about them and view them. Think about RBF (you know what it stands for) - even if the person isn’t meaning to make a face, it can happen and leave a bad impression. Even if you aren’t upset or angry at your horse, they’ll feel it and react too (which usually then leads to you being upset or mad at them too). Suffice it to say, there are many components of communicating that we need to be aware of and work at on an on-going basis to become excellent communicators. There’s a reason why communication is one of the top skills sought by employers but one of the lowest rated on evaluations. How can you take strides (pun intended) to improve your communication abilities?