Lessons learned from parenting in a pandemic

As a working parent with three kids, you get pretty good at wearing a lot of different hats. Leader and problem-solver by day, fledgling chef, shuttle driver and homework coach by night. But I never thought my husband and I would wear them all at once, in the same space, while adding homeschool teacher to the mix. Like many parents around the world over the past month, it’s been an interesting learning experience parenting during a pandemic. We’ve had our share of hits and misses – but I’ve found comfort in that, just like the movie Groundhog Day, every day is an opportunity to reset. Here are some lessons I’ve learned that I will take into our “new normal”, no matter what that looks like.

Stop expecting perfection: I’ll be honest. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. But one of the first things I learned was that when you’re running a school, cafeteria, and two offices simultaneously in the same space, nothing will be perfect.  When North America began its shutdown in mid-March, we set up a global call with our 700 senior leaders. Five minutes before the call, with my head awash in pandemic thoughts, I could hear our 3 kids start to hoot and holler in a room only a few feet away. My first instinct was to storm out and ask them to quiet down, so we could have a flawless “business” call.  But then I took a deep breath and realized that many of my colleagues were in the same boat.  Those background noises, be it kids, dogs, or the blender, have now become a wonderful daily reminder of our humanity.  I hope this is a lasting legacy of the pandemic.

Adversity teaches independence:  When home schooling began, it felt like a well-intended avalanche. My kids had just started new schools months before. They were finally in routines. And now, a new set of expectations were being heaped, right when my husband and I were adjusting to our own new norms at work and I was trying to help our teams do the same. What I didn’t appreciate, which I now do, was a silver lining… that our kids would find a greater spark of independence. Thanks to early efforts by the teachers, and a little push from us, our kids slowly learned the technologies, and got used to the schedule (more on that later). A couple of weeks in, they need less support and are (mostly) delivering.  

Routine matters: One of the hardest parts of entering the pandemic after March break, when the kids were totally out of routine, was getting them back into one! Convincing our gang that even though they were at home, they were back to school, required a leap of mindset. It became clear early on that we needed to set and maintain a schedule. Our family developed one together – and then we continuously improved it as we learned what worked and didn’t. I assigned my 11-year old as the ‘principal’ to help us follow it. Our school hours became 9am to 3pm. When our virtual bell rings at the end of the school day, we do a go/no go check-in. If they have completed their school tasks and chores, they earn device time from 3-4pm.  I hadn’t appreciated how much routines like this would help the kids settle.

This takes a village. Ask for help: We’re all learning as we go.  That’s true in the pandemic, but it’s also true well beyond it. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other parents, teachers, relatives and friends for advice or tips. Discussions with teachers, or text chats with parent groups, have been a great way to build a stronger community when we’re physically apart while learning how to navigate a tricky time together. My mother also did a video check-in every morning with the kids to ensure they were on task. It gave her a daily chance for face-time with her grandkids while she couldn’t see them in person, and gave me peace of mind that someone I trusted was checking in while I was busy on calls.

There will be good days and bad days. When balls drop, as they do each week, we need to resist the temptation to feel like we’ve failed our kids, or ourselves. Instead, we can learn from what happened, and remember tomorrow is a new day. After all, Bill Murray’s character didn’t escape Groundhog Day until he learned from his mistakes and approached the world with a new appreciation.  It’s a valuable reminder for all of us as we take this new normal one day at a time.

What have been your top pandemic parenting lessons? I’d love to hear them and keep the conversation going.