Lessons learned from mock mediation session on Mediation Mondays with Primary Trainer Tye Bourdony.

Every other Monday at 12:00 pm EST, The Mediation Center of Central Florida hosts free roundtable discussions and mock-mediation sessions to help mediators work on becoming the best mediators they can be during what primary trainer Tye Bourdony calls, Mediation Mondays.

Yesterday, May 15th, 2023, Tye Bourdony led a group of eager and hard-working mediators during mock mediation scenarios aimed at dealing with high conflict mediation participants.

While conflict is what mediators deal with all of the time, some parties in mediation come to the negotiation table with a lot of emotional issues, personal baggage, and often times very strong personalities.

Mock mediations can be a great way of gaining insight into scenarios a mediator may not yet have a lot of experience dealing with. And high conflict parties are one such area, which training can give very valuable insight to not only experienced, but to less experienced mediators as well.

During yesterday's mock mediation scenarios, we dealt with three types of high conflict parties:

1. An extremely upset spouse in a divorce scenario.
2. A very hostile and manipulative attorney in a civil insurance issue.
3. A highly emotional and distraught party being sued in a civil collection case.

Below are some of the take-aways from yesterday's mock mediation training dealing with "High-Conflict" individuals:

• Be sure to begin de-escalating high emotions by listening empathetically to parties on a case-by-case basis.
• Help parties get past their emotional obstacles by building rapport as you listen to them, in order to get them thinking rationally rather than emotionally.
• Be sure to validate their emotions with a 'you' statement, such as "You're angy because you feel as if . . ."
• Once parties are thinking rationally again, reframe their positions by suggesting future and positive oriented alternatives to think about.
• Keep a good tone with parties. Be calm, collected, empathetic, and patient.
• Give comments of empathetic assurance as needed such as, "You're going to be OK." "We'll work through this." "I hear you." "I understand."
• Ask good questions (The Mediator's Art of Inquiry) to help parties get to the heart of the issues and past some of the obstacles being presented.
• Know when to let your guard down and show your human side with laughter or other emotions as appropriate. But beware, a mediator needs to know when to be stoic and not let their emotions come through, just as when it is OK to let parties see your human side on a case-by-case basis.
• Don't allow yourself to be intimidated by a high conflict party. Let controlling parties feel as if they are in control. How does a mediator control the room? By not trying to control the room.
• Know when to caucus the parties to bring down conflict, manage party emotions, and/or stop a party from triggering the other.
• Be careful not to bring parties together too soon from caucus if at all. On a case-by-case basis bringing parties back together can be very positive once all issues have been resolved and parties are ready to be in the same room, just as bringing parties together to soon can be disastrous. Move forward on the side of caution when deciding to bring parties together again, as one wrong word can at times bring an agreement tumbling down to disagreement.
• As parties exhibit uncertainty with respect to how best to move forward or the need for legal advice and/or guidance, be sure to ask if parties have had a chance to speak to an attorney for legal advice. This opens the door to not only good reality checking, but also ensures that mediators are staying true to ensuring the parties right to self-determination remains intact.

All in all, the mock mediation session was a pleasure to take part in as a trainer, because not only was it fun, but mediators get a chance to deal with issues or scenarios they may not have seen before.

Training is almost as good as observing and/or mediating actual cases, as experience is at the end of the day what makes us all better mediators.

So be sure to take part in The Mediation Center of Central Florida's free Mediation Monday roundtable discussions and mock mediation sessions by emailing primary trainer Tye Bourdony at [email protected].

Our next Mediation Monday session will take place on Monday, May 29, 2023, at 12:00 pm, where we will be discussing a further deep dive into what a mediator should do when parties are angry, agitated, loud, and/or very emotional.

Visit Tye Bourdony and The Mediation Center of Central Florida at the link below and keep on doing the good work that mediators do! We make a difference in the world, one mediation at a time!

www.cfmediationcenter.com