Lessons Learned from Fostering Dogs

July 13, 2022

If you know me, you know that I am a HUGE dog lover. In fact, I love dogs so much that I made an intentional decision?not?to get a dog until I knew that I could provide the time, energy, and a compatible schedule to care for a furry companion.

But I still desperately craved the company of a 4-legged friend, so I did the next best thing during the pandemic, I decided to foster dogs until they could be adopted by their furever person/family. Each dog had very different personalities, quirks, and lovable traits as well as a few unexpected surprises… very much like people.

"Katara"- my 1st foster; a Retriever mix

"Jethro”- my 2nd foster; a Bassett/Beagle mix

"Charlie” my 3rd foster; Yorkie/Maltese mix

What I didn't expect from fostering dogs were the lessons I learned about the similarities between human and dog behavior.

Let me explain...

If Katara were human, she was the "what you see is what you get" kind of person. She appeared cuddly, friendly, and full of energy like one would expect from a 1-year-old pup. She reminded me so much of folks who were naturally high energy and super friendly… probably their factory setting. She was a joy to have around and was adopted quickly by a sweet young couple who still send me adorable photos of her. Let's just say that she is living her best life!

If Jethro were human, he was very much the type of person that appeared one way then later turned into someone completely different, and not in a good way. At first, he was a cuddle bug, adorable, friendly, a total mush, greeting people excitedly and other dogs alike... then like a light switch went off, he turned into an aggressive, loud, angry, biting, and unruly dog for no apparent reason. He was initially adopted by a former co-worker who had a menagerie of pets in her NYC 1-bedroom apartment, but was unfortunately not a love match. He was eventually returned to the rescue organization and quickly adopted by someone who was very familiar with this breed and a dog trainer as well. I sincerely hope he eventually settled down in his new furever home and living his best life too!

If Charlie were human, I would describe him as the wary type at first… fearful, but eventually warms up... that is until someone or something triggers a bad memory/experience. Seemingly out of nowhere, impossibly cute one minute then turning into a Tasmanian devil, growling, barking, baring his teeth while lunging to bite anything in his path, in a blind rage. His first foster (she had him for over a month) warned me about his inconsistent behavior. I quickly learned that Charlie was really a Pittie/Rottweiler in Yorkie/Maltese's clothing. The only thing that made any sense was that he must have experienced trauma over the last 4 years of his life, or he was suffering from a genetic/neurological abnormality. It wasn’t his fault. Unfortunately, Johnny was suddenly triggered and bit my dad in the hand that required a tetanus shot, antibiotics, and wound care. Needless to say, this experience was horrible and a bit traumatic since I had a history of a dog bite, requiring a plastic surgeon and over 30 stitches, many years ago. At first, I was stunned and understandably shaken that I was responsible for my dad’s injury. Once the shock wore off, I took a deep breath and began to wonder what Charlie must have gone through to cause his abrupt reaction.

I don't know if you can relate, but did people's faces come to mind as I described my fosters’ personalities? Did they remind you of certain people in your life? Have you ever walked away from an unexpectedly unpleasant interaction that left you wondering what you did wrong or questioning what was wrong with the person?

In our work as healthcare professionals, this is an everyday occurrence, whether it is a strained interaction with co-workers or an aggressive patient/family member. My first reaction to an unpleasant interaction used to be to ignore or walk away from conflict. But I learned that ignoring repeated unacceptable behaviors only made matters far worse.

Most of us do not enjoy conflict or confrontation, but there are ways to have tough conversations in a safe way. The first step is to take ownership of our inner dialogue and refrain from vilifying the other person; and replace the hateful adjectives with compassionate statements such as "I wonder what happened to him/her when they were a child?"; "Could this aggressive behavior be the result of a biological/mental/spiritual/emotional issue?"; "I wonder what happened right before they came here that is responsible for this behavior?". The key is to flood our minds with compassionate statements to elicit kindness, understanding and love towards that person and thereby keeping our emotions in check which prevents further escalation.

My hunch is that even though the interaction might be unpleasant at first, like my experience with Charlie, valuable lessons about ourselves will emerge and more tools will be added to our toolbelt for interacting with other humans and dogs alike.

I would also highly recommend reading one of my favorite books- "What Happened To You?" by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey, to change the dialogue from “what’s wrong with you?” to “what happened to you?” to better understand what trauma does to us and thereby grow in empathy, one for another.

Cheers to being a lifelong learner!?

Your friend and coach,

Grace Marin

Founder| President PX Coaching, LTD.

p.s. If you enjoyed this newsletter and think others in your circle would enjoy learning more about us, please share my website: https://pxcoachingltd.podia.com/